Love Happy Page #3

Lefty, they are at the Windsor Theatre.

He says she's a rich woman.

Stop-a thinking and listen.

We're in-a trouble. Bring her to the theatre

right away in half an hour. Hurry up! Quick!

Alphonse, Hannibal!

Everything is-a fine. Harpo save the show.

He's bringing his bride with lots of money.

- I ain't fall for any more stalls.

- It's-a no stall.

- It's-a love. She's-a bringing the money.

- Boys, keep moving the stuff out.

Hey, are you a musician?

- Well, I used to play.

- I knew it the first minute I look on you.

I say to myself, "This Mr Lyons,

he's not tough like he looks. " Ha-ha.

"He's got something inside.

"Something that comes from the heart. "

What kind of music you like?

Uh, I like Gypsy music.

Gypsy music! That's magnifico.

I like-a Gypsy music.

Stop the moving, stop the noise,

everybody stop.

Mr Lyons, he's going to play. Here.

Uh, do you know Play Gypsy Play?

- No, I don't know that.

- Oh. You know Gypsy Serenade?

- No.

- What do you know?

- I know Gypsy Love Song.

- Gypsy Love Song.

- I only know the chorus.

- That's all right. I play the verse, you follow.

- You play and I'll noodle around.

- What do you mean by noodling?

- Like this...

- That's-a good.

You noodle on that, I macaroni on this.

Now, look, Mr Lyons, I know you want

to make a good impression,

but please don't play better than me.

Are we playing the same thing?

Ha-ha, one too much!

Ha-ha, that's very good.

Now we try the chorus,

but the chorus we play pianissimo.

- You know what pianissimo is?

- No.

- How long you study music?

- 15 years.

you could've been a plumber.

All right, never mind the pianissimo,

I'm going to make it very simple for you.

We play it allegro pizzicato.

That's what-a you call

high-class Carnegie Hall stuff.

- You know allegro pizzicato?

- No.

You know Jimmy Pizzicato?

- No.

- None of the Pizzicatos, huh?

- No.

- What do you know?

Er, I know pistachio.

Pistachio? We'll play it!

Two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Very good. Very good.

Now we play one more chorus. Come on.

Well, boys and girls,

I've got a little sad news for you.

Our show isn't opening.

We're closing tonight,

without a shot at Broadway.

Mr Lyons, a man of small faith,

is removing the scenery and costumes

from the production.

Mr Johnson, may I suggest that we do

what all actors have always done

since before the days of

Thespis and Shakespeare -

perform without scenery or costumes

or salary.

Sorry, I can't go on

with that kind of a show.

Curtain's down, school's out.

Better luck next time.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Johnson,

but Mr Lyons said to take everything.

Uh-huh.

Well, go ahead, say it.

- I wasn't going to say anything.

- Well, it's sticking out of your eyes.

I'm yellow, no guts.

- No, Mike, you're just what you are.

- And what's that?

A nice, sweet young man

who doesn't belong in show business.

You'd look stunning in an apron

surrounded by nice yellow oranges.

- Here, have some sardines.

- I don't want any sardines.

I'm not throwing a bare turkey on the stage.

I'm quitting, Maggie,

and don't tell me the show must go on.

- Relax, it's over.

- No, it isn't over.

We're going to open without scenery,

without costumes,

just with talent and people.

We're going to open and knock 'em dead.

- Hallelujah.

- Let's go and celebrate.

- What's to celebrate?

- Your birthday.

Don't change the subject.

We've got a good show. If you tried...

What do you think life is? A fairy tale?

Yes, it is.

Fairy tales, sardines...

What do you want?

Could you tell me, please,

where I can find Mr Michael Johnson?

- You're speaking to the gentleman.

- Wonderful. You are really Mr Johnson?

- What can I do for you?

- Oh, Mr Johnson, so much.

- You mean in the show?

- You have a place for me, I'm sure.

- Too bad, Miss...

- Madame Egelichi.

- Mr Johnson, you must have a place for me.

- Not any more.

- But why?

- Because of a bankroll we haven't got.

What I'm trying to say, without breaking

into unmanly tears, is that we're folding,

calling it a day.

- Better luck next time, Madame Egelichi.

- Oh.

Er, you mean the show will not open

and the actors are going away?

Oh, no.

- How much money do you need?

- A loan from Congress would help.

Mr Johnson, I am serious.

I will supply the money.

This is over my head, Mike.

What's going on?

It's simple.

Didn't you say life was a fairy tale?

Well, here's our fairy godmother

with a wand!

And what a wand!

Madame Egelichi, I need $1100 to raise

the curtain. You're not kidding, are you?

- Shall we go to your office, Mr Johnson?

- Let's go.

You are going to make me so happy.

So happy.

He's taking a long time for a business deal.

- He'll be back.

- Oh, don't be a fool, let's go.

Sorry, Bunny, I promised...

I said never to eat your dinner in this room.

Cheer up, honey. Maybe he's breaking your

heart to make a better actress out of you.

Well, baby, we're opening.

Lyons is bringing back everything.

- That's wonderful.

- Yes, she was.

She's mad about the theatre and she liked

all my ideas. She's a real show woman.

- You can tell me all about it at dinner.

- Oh, you'd better do without me tonight.

Rita and I still have a lot to discuss

and I promised her I would...

But, baby, I know it's your birthday

but this is important.

Now be a trouper.

Cheer up, everything looks wonderful.

It would look better

if you'd wipe that rouge off.

Don't get any ideas. I was so excited when

I saw the money I had to kiss somebody.

I've got to run. See you tomorrow.

Happy birthday.

- Do you want all these cans open?

- Yes.

But these open cans will attract attention.

- Then put them in the alley.

- The alley? Done.

- You like-a sardines?

- Yes.

- Why, have you got any?

- No, but I got something better.

I got something that's worth

a million dollars to you.

- Really? What is it?

- Love!

It come to me like a flash.

The first minute I see you, it's, what

do you call 'em, love at first look.

It's the kind of love

that's never going to die.

- Would you do something for me?

- Anything.

I climb the highest mountain,

down and up, up and down.

I put my arm in the fire

up to the hilt for you.

Er, go and get me all the sardine cans

you can find in this theatre.

Sardines? Ha! That's nothing.

I'm going to cover you with sardines.

That's how much I love you.

Watch-a my smoke.

Darling!

My favourite animals, cats. I collect them.

Darling. Darling!

Madame Egelichi, our search is over.

- Here is the can.

- Oh!

- Where is the necklace?

- In here!

- Really, Throckmorton.

- I'm sure of it.

He was eating sardines and swallowed it.

- That is impossible.

- I'll have him examined.

I no get-a sardines, I

got-a something better.

- What?

- Anchovies!

- I have no use for them.

- Maybe you like kippered herring?

Smelts? Smoked whitebait?

I get you any kind of fish you like!

I love you!

Go away!

Go away! I'm sure your new partner's

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