Love Hard Page #2

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N -Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing? Nf-No, no, no, no. Hey- Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You, my friend, are about to fly 3,000 miles to meet up with a guy who is literally the polar opposite of anybody you've ever dated before, so--Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is this might be the most sane thing you've ever done.

[plane departing] –

[truck beeping]

-Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um... -My bags-- - [horn honking]

N-Ooh. Hi. -I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive S

taff boy-Fill out the form to your left and drop it in the after-hours slot when you're done.

N-[scoffs] Why would I drop it in the after-hours slot? You're here. This office is open. It's literally hours.

Sb-Just fill out the form, and someone will contact you.

N-Okay.

N-Is this a joke?

Sb-Oh, the gig economy's no joke.

N-I’’llget a different Uber. Thanks.

Sb-[driver] I'm the only Uber in town.

N-Fine. I'll get a Lyft.

Idriver] 4.9 stars, and I offer snacks. Nacho cheese? Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes. [driver] You want some papaya? Kiwi?

N-[Natalie] No kiwi. I would swell up like a blowfish.

Sb--Where am I taking you, again?

N-420 Holt Street.

Sb-The Lin household?

N-How could you possibly know that?

Sb-Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine, and given the stuff we used to smoke in his basement after school, that's not exactly an address you forget.

N-Okay. Can you please just turn the radio off?

Sb--It's a great song and a classic.

N-Yeah. It's been putting the hip in Rohypnol since 1944.

Sb-[scoffs] What are you talking about? It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet.

N-Maybe if you're Bill Cosby. [Natalie] If you could please change the station?

[driver] You're the boss.

N-They really love Christmas, huh?

Sb-You should see this place at Halloween. Stephen King is too afraid to trick-or-treat here. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you give this to Josh and tell him E-Rock says to pass the Dutch? [chuckles]

N--Okay, Snoop. [exhales]

Sb-Oh yeah.

N-Thank you for the ride.

(Music)

Josh’s mom:
Merry Christmas. Can I help you?

N:
Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer.I'm here to see Josh Lin. Is he home?

Jm-Uh. He's not here right now, but I expect him any minute. Uh, why don't you come inside and wait?

N-Oh. Um. Sure.

Jm-Oh my goodness. Um I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight. I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom. Nice to meet you.

N-Hi. You too.

Jm-So, you and Josh are friends?

N-Yeah. Yeah. I guess you could say that. [chuckles]

Josh’s dad- Is that the Mormons'again? For the last time, we’re not converting!

Jm-[yelling] It's not the Mormons, Bob! It's a friend of Josh's! He does that every single, solitary: even Halloween. Every time it rang one year, he was like, "Is that the Mormons?"

Jm- Here is Bob This is Josh's Dad And this is his Grandmother, June

Jg-Hello, dear!

N-Hi. Oh. [

Barb] Okay, that's good. That's good.

Jg-How do vou know Josh?

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