Love Punch Page #3

- Culco.

- Culco, er...

See, that was last week. I very much

live in the now, the maintenant.

Well, maybe this is maintenant enough for you.

You stole all our money and we want it back.

- And you are?

- This is my wife.

- Ex-wife.

- Ex-wife.

- Ex-wife?

- Yeah, we've established that now.

- So you're not denying it.

- No, I don't think so.

Listen, you, there are

people whose lives

depend on the pension

they were gonna receive.

You can't just throw them away

like that. It's just not fair.

OK, OK, you got me.

What I did was wrong,

reprehensible, evil even.

In a normal world, illegal. But that's

the beauty of it: it's completely legal.

Now, listen to me, you

little sack of sh*t.

You are messing with people's lives.

Proper, good, hardworking people

who have done absolutely nothing

but play by the bloody rules

laid out in front of them.

Oh, she definitely wears

the trousers, no?

I'm not even gonna rise to that.

Of course she does.

- We're the older generation. We're enlightened.

- We're divorced.

And we're done.

Put me down. Put me down!

I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Put me down. Put my wife down!

Put my wife down!

- There you go.

- Ex-wife.

Ex-wife.

- Could have had 'em.

- Sh*t!

We are totally taking

him down. Totally!

Now what, huh?

Whoo!

Close your mouth. Who do

you think she belongs to?

If I were a betting man,

I'd say... Here you go.

Bingo!

- Quick, let's follow.

- Good idea.

- Let me drive. I'm the better driver.

- No way, Jos. You forgot your license.

- Come on, Richard. I'm a much better driver.

- You forgot your license.

You're not a better driver.

You just think you are.

You'll regret it.

- Remember Hammersmith bridge?

- That's unfair.

You forgot to put oil in the tank.

You forgot to put oil in it.

- Go fast. Go fast.

- I'm not gonna go fast.

Quickly, they're getting away.

- You've gotta keep up, Richard.

- It's called tailing, Kate.

If we get too close, they'll

know they're being followed.

Well, that was the world's

shortest car chase.

What? It's a red light! You want

me to start running reds now?

No, God forbid, Richard.

Well, that was intense.

Thank you. Could have killed a nun.

Many nuns, possibly.

A whole load of dead nuns.

- Oh, that's them, Richard!

- What?

I've just seen them, Richard!

Please, let me drive.

- Please! Please, let me drive.

- Fine.

OK, OK. It's been a while.

What did you have for lunch?

What?

Buckle up.

Which way are we going?

Kate, we're going backwards.

- Yep.

- Backwards, Kate!

Putting my seat belt on.

Putting my seat belt on right now.

Kate, no, no, no, no!

Kate! Kate! Kate! Kate!

- Argh!

- Hold tight.

I'm holding tight! We can't even

afford the basic insurance.

Oh, f*** the insurance.

Whoo-hoo!

Ha! We did it! There they are.

- All right, now stick it on.

- What?

Track 3, "All Right Now".

It helps me drive.

Where did you learn

to drive like this?

- School run.

- What? With the children in the car?

Oh, yeah...

Sorry. Sorry.

There she stood in the street

Smiling from her head to her feet

I said, "Hey, what

is this now, baby?"

Maybe, maybe she's in need...

Mother and child. Mother and child!

We're gonna run into the baby!

- For God's sake, get over.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry!

- Don't panic.

- I'm not panicking.

- Yes, you're panicking. I can feel it.

- I'm not. I'm not panicking.

Now don't you wait or hesitate

Let's move before they

raise the parking rate

All right now...

God, I love Free!

Baby, it's all right now...

Oh, f***! That was really

tight. That was tight.

Baby, it's all right now

- Here we go.

- Stay on their tail.

- We're nearly there.

- Yeah.

Grit?

OK, we're being shot at.

Stop, stop, stop. Leave the car.

Really? Just leave it?

Just leave it here?

- OK. Just walk away. Act natural.

- We can't just leave it here!

- Yeah? OK, all right.

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, you're right. When

you're right, you're right.

Get back in.

- Jesus Christ, Are you mad?

- Sorry, I just panicked there.

- I understand but we've just got to...

- Let's have a cup of tea.

No, it's all right. Stop talking

about tea. We're in France.

- You kept your bag.

- Yeah. So did you.

- Yeah, they've lasted quite well, actually.

- Better than us.

Yeah, well, they came

with a guarantee.

- Bonsoir.

- Bonsoir.

- We'd like two rooms.

- Passports, please.

Here.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

Mrs Jones.

- Well, Ms.

- And Mr Jones.

- Yes.

- And you want two rooms?

- Yes.

- Yes.

You are brother and sister?

- No.

- No.

A suite, perhaps?

- No.

- Next to each other?

Not necessary, really.

We're divorced. I kept his name.

- Ah, but you kept his name.

- Yes.

Yeah, you did, didn't you?

Yes, because it's been mine for some

time. And my kids have it. It's no biggy.

And you are holidaying together to

see if perhaps the flame still burns?

- Yeah, why not? I mean...

- No, so not. The flame is out.

- Oh, no.

- Snuffed, gone.

We are in Paris. You never know...

We do know.

Ah, I'm afraid the only two rooms

I have left are adjoining.

- What about those?

- Oh, no, they are all taken.

We are very, very busy.

- Really?

- We'll take them. Thank you. Bonsoir.

Bonsoir.

Bloody hell. What floor?

- Haven't a clue.

- Christ!

You don't fancy rubbing some Deep

Heat into my coccyx, do you?

- No.

- Just a thought.

Ooh!

You'll never guess

where I find myself.

Pourquoi pas?

There's two bowls down for Rumpus

and the kitchen light is on.

Sophie, darling! Hey,

got your leg over yet?

Hello. Sophie, darling?

You haven't heard from

you mother, have you?

No, it's nothing to worry about. It's just

we were supposed to see her yesterday.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns,

in all the world, she walks into mine."

What are the chances, eh?

Steak-frites.

That's what you'll have.

Nope. Turned veggie two years ago.

But you love meat.

People change, Richard. But you're

gonna have the cheese souffl.

- Nope.

- But you love cheese.

- Cholesterol levels change, Kate.

- How's your prostate?

Fully functioning, thank you.

How are your bunions?

Oh, how sweet of you to remember.

Actually, they're awful.

High heels are no longer

an option. See?

Here's to our aging, ailing bodies.

- May I?

- Yes, go on.

Ooh, ooh!

Hey! Hey, sweetie!

How's it going?

Oh, I'm so glad.

And you like the

people in your halls?

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

All right, yes, you've got to go.

Of course you've got to go.

Call me... call me later.

Yes, I love you... Bye... bye.

- Rich, what could I say to her?

- It's all right. It's fine.

Oh!

Hey, honey, how's it going?

Yeah? For every party

write an essay.

All right, for every three

parties write an essay.

No. No, no, no. I'm so

proud of you, sweetheart.

Is that what Mum said?

Ah, well, great minds and all that.

Listen, do me a favour, next time

you speak to your Mum, tell her...

Tell her I miss her.

OK.

I love you.

Bye, darling.

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