Low Cost Page #5

---

What?

It's a piece of rebel.

What a lousy hand.

Sure you're all right?

Yes, maybe.

What is this?

What?

It stinks!

Can't you smell anything?

It's not me, I swear.

That's awful.

Smells like rotting flesh.

Some animal must be stuck.

Oh, my God!

CompiAgne!

His rat.

Must be stuck in an air duct.

He's fatally... dead.

What?

Do something!

It stinks like a dead rat.

Sh*t.

Can you do anything about the smell?

It's bad.

There's a way,

but it'll give them a jolt.

Ladies and gentlemen,

due to the foul odor aboard,

I have to act accordingly.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

What'd you do?

The mask suits you.

I know, I have a face for masks.

I am your father, Luke.

My name's not Luke.

And you can't be my father.

It's a joke.

I don't do jokes.

Oh.

- How about tennis?

- What?

Never mind.

Why should we go to Paris?

I'm from Perpignan.

Well, I'm from Belfort, so...

Why go to Perpignan?

Hey, comrades! I'm from Bethune.

Perpignan's no good.

Let's go to Lille!

Talk about the sticks!

I'm from Martinique, so Perpignan

or Lille's the same to me.

Let's compromise: Guadeloupe!

Cut it out!

Now you all shut the f*** up!

We're going to Paris,

not your dipshit boondocks!

Dipshit boondocks?

Calm down!

Belfort!

Belfort, Perpignan...

I'm from SablA-sur-Sarthe.

I'm from Leghorn!

You're lovely when you fight.

Open up! You can't go in!

It's dangerous.

Ladies and gentlemen,

someone has entered

the cockpit, but don't worry.

We're on autopilot.

I bet it feels strange.

You Te wondering

who is speaking.

You don? See?

I can see you!

I'm the little jerk whose seat you take

without saying thank you.

The one you keep from listening

to a Bulgarian Vocal Choir.

The one who never makes a fuss,

who's made indecent propositions.

But that's over now.

My name's Dimitri,

and you won't forget me.

I'll break the door down!

We're gonna die.

When I first saw you,

I didn't think you capable of all this.

And now?

I think you can do even more.

I've gotta find a solution.

I'll break down the door.

He knows what he's doing.

He's doing nothing.

He knows that.

Mommy!

I can't, I can't!

Those red eyes,

that big tail...

Mommy, help me!

We're way too low.

Return to your seats!

Fasten your seatbelts.

Fasten your seatbelts!

I can't. I'm gonna die.

Know what you're doing?

Sure! I have a red belt in yoga.

Beat it!

It wasn't me.

- What?

- The autopilot is down.

- And?

- There's no "and."

Move!

Jean-Claude?

No. I'm too old and I'm useless.

The autopilot is jammed,

we'll crash.

Shoulda thought of that earlier.

I'm your man.

On 3, we pull. On 3...

It's jammed!

Goddamn low cost!!

Okay, flap 15.

Flap 15, check.

Landing gear down, check.

Flap 30, check.

Landing... check! Careful!

No woman could move me like you do.

- Dagobert.

- Nuance.

- Let's not stand on ceremony.

- It's far too soon.

You know, Nuance...

If I had a wife,

I'd want one like you.

You know, Jean-Claude,

If I had a dad, he'd be like you.

Excellent! Very funny!

- No hard feelings

- On the contrary.

- Honestly?

- The pleasure's mine.

Mine, too.

Second Captain

Jean-Claude Bordier speaking.

Captain Ben Tira and co-pilot

Maurice Blin, of SablA-sur-Sarthe

are pleased to announce our arrival

at Paris-Beauvais airport.

There we are.

Finally arrived.

I don't think so.

What do you mean?

We've landed,

but we haven't arrived.

Here.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

The struggle goes on.

We're off to South America.

I'll never forget,

you showed me the way.

Don't mention it.

Good luck, Gaetane.

That's Gaetane. Her, I'm leaving.

It was too passionate between us.

What'll you do there?

Fair development and ultra-violence.

Wanna team up?

What's your line?

Fair trade,

and so lucrative!

Tempting... Anyone else interested?

You might need a pilot.

Paris!

Great.

Great.

Well, I'm home.

What?

I always wondered why people

wear blankets at the end of movies.

After a shock, the body's fragile.

What we call in our jargon...

A chill.

Right.

It suits you.

Thanks. You, too.

I was thinking...

Why don't we work together?

I'd rather die than work in waffles.

Rather than spy, I learn to fly.

And you, rather than fly low cost,

fly with me.

Is that a declaration?

Not at all.

Yes, it is.

Not at all. It's a job offer.

Okay.

Welcome aboard

Lobud Jet Airlines.

We offer the comfort

of our own airline.

Reclining seats,

luggage holds,

drink holders.

A food service

will be offered.

With Lobud Jet,

leaving is a pleasure.

It's stifling in here.

I'm next to a jerk.

A champion jerk!

It's not by chance

that the KGB head

was Lionel Ritchie.

Sears is a family.

Whereas JC Penny...

The girls are stuck-up.

"I'm a JC Penny model."

See what I mean?

I see.

You read

Consumer Reports?

I get it every month.

It's interesting.

I'm afraid of lice.

Mom washed my head

with vinegar

when I got them.

They're little and ugly.

I dreamt of pinching a louse

and pulling off its head.

He's really cute.

Grey, with a big hairy tail...

When he looks at you.

So cute.

A rat!

We'll exchange numbers.

- I have no phone.

- I'll give you mine.

That's okay.

You know what?

You're the dullest man

after the Pope.

Anyone see Gwen?

The tall guy...

Did someone die?

This is Captain Bordier.

We've just landed

at JFK Int'I.

We hope to see you

soon on Air France.

See you soon...

Uploaded by pukeman

oneddl.com

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes