Lower Learning Page #3

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go to the principal's office

or I'll handcuff you

to Smelly Alice again.

Just because you're miserable

doesn't mean the rest of us

have to be too.

What a sad old sack you've become,

Laura Buchwald.

Look around you, Tom.

This isn't a Del Taco shutting down.

It's a school.

It's an incubator

for the youth of America.

Whatever happened to respect

for your goddamn elders?

She just went

through a tough divorce.

Laura:
B*tch!

Well, thanks for the pep talk,

Rebecca,

but sometimes you've just got

to flush the baby down

with all the other crap

in the toilet, you know?

Wanna...?

- It's Harper. Leave a message.

- (beep)

Hey, Harper, it's Maurice.

Hey, man about earlier...

I'm like...

I don't even know

what I was thinking.

Honestly,

I don't ever

like beer, so...

I mean, so yeah.

Well, you know, I just wanted

to get that off my chest.

So I think we're good.

I think we're square.

So call me back.

Or don't. You don't have to.

You don't even have to

call me back, 'cause we're good.

Cool.

Coolio. Holla.

(kids cheering)

Oh, sh*t.

Look at her go.

- (bell ringing)

- All right, all right.

(whistling a tune)

(ticking)

- (bell ringing)

- Recess!

Recess.

Not again.

Hey, that punk didn't pay you

for your smack.

Dang!

(clicks tongue)

I'm gonna blow his brains out.

Pow pow pow!

What the hell are they doing?

Oh, just playing a little drive-by.

(boys imitate

screeching brakes)

They took all the rock-climbing walls

after the lawsuit, so...

And you're okay with all this?

The school's getting

shut down anyway, right?

Remember when we had

kick-boxing in fourth grade

and that douche bag Matt Bonner

beat the crap out of me?

It was you that said,

"Nothing is impossible.

Go down fighting."

I still have that weird click

in my knee from when he took me out,

but you were right...

in theory or something.

The point is, Tom,

don't give up on these kids.

Sorry, is that...?

Pain pills.

I have back problems.

And the...?

It's whiskey, Tom. I have to

wash it down with something.

What, is this Nuremberg?

It's not like I'm rendering fat of Jews

to make soap and candles.

So?

Okay, fine.

If it'll make you happy

I'll go speak with the faculty.

I don't think it's gonna do

any good.

(grunts)

Man:
It just took me a while

to come to terms with it, you know?

Maybe she was a guy,

maybe she was a girl,

but at the end of the day

why am I gonna get so upset

about a blowj*b?

Hey, everybody.

Hey, you guys, if I can

get your attention just for a...

hi!

I... I have some bad news

to share with everyone.

The district

might shut us down today.

Okay, maybe you guys

didn't hear me.

Geraldine Ferraro might shut down,

and permanently this time,

not like that incident with Diarrhea Teddy

and the hazmat team.

That was great.

Now look, I don't want to have to

assert myself...

Assert yourself?

With what authority?

Haven't you figured it out, Tom?

You're a figurehead, a veep.

You're Spiro f***ing Agnew.

All hat and no cattle, Tommy.

Okay, I'm just trying to help.

Well, we don't need your help.

What do you think will happen

to the school if it's shuttered, huh?

You think we'll lose our jobs?

Well, I got tenure, b*tch.

We all have,

except for two people...

this guy

and you, Tom.

Keep your nose in the roses

and out of the smelly stuff.

You're the smelly stuff?

Yeah, I'm the smelliest stuff

there is, Tom,

the smelliest stuff

this side of Dixie.

Guess what side of Dixie

we're on.

(hisses)

So that was useless.

Are you just gonna stop there?

What would your father say?

That's a low blow.

Maybe it wasn't low enough.

What would your dead father say?

Jesus, Rebecca.

"Jesus, Rebecca" yourself.

Get angry, Tom.

What does it take

to rile you up anymore?

What happened to you that day?

I don't want to talk about it.

(door opens)

Hey.

Thanks for the grapefruit.

It was the best ever.

Oh, you're welcome, Adelle.

I like you.

And you smell good.

Daddy smells like bourbon.

Well, I'm sure that doesn't change

how much he loves you.

Nuh-uh. He wrote a song called

"Social Worker, Social Worker,

Come Take Adelle Away."

You're not like him.

You're super-duper nice.

Well, I think you're nice too, Adelle.

Whoa whoa whoa.

But we still can't hug.

Sorry.

We get lawsuits. We get law...

she knows we get lawsuits.

You set that up, didn't you?

No, Tom, songs like that

are sung every night.

Okay, all right.

If this school's going down,

I'm going down with it.

I've got nothing to lose.

But on one condition...

you're in this with me.

Tom, I'm here to inspect you,

not save your ass.

I could lose my job.

I will... I will lose my job.

That's exactly why no one else

is helping me.

I can't do this alone.

I need you.

F*** a duck.

- I'm in.

- Yeah!

Okay. Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

A plan... we need a plan.

Right.

Well, we've got about five hours

until school's out,

so this whole "Cat's Cradle" thing

you just drew isn't gonna happen.

Okay. Okay, here it is:

First we rally the faculty.

They've got to teach their hearts out

starting today.

- Then we to to stage two.

- Which is...?

We stage a walkout

right at the end of school.

How's that gonna help?

Because I'm gonna call the media

right before.

Make the news van show up,

splash the kids

across the 11:
00 broadcast...

there's no way they'll shut us down.

And all the teachers

who don't give a sh*t now

will change their tune if they know

a camera's gonna be in their faces.

Billings:
Melody, send it Fowler.

(soprano singing)

- (door opens and closes)

- Have a seat, Fowler.

- I'm innocent, Billings.

- Yeah, heard that song before.

You know the drill.

Do you want to get suspended?

What's going on?

Are you clearing out of here?

You know what, Fowler?

I'm feeling felicitous today.

Let me give that back to you.

Why don't we just both pretend

you were never in here?

Actually, let's go halfsies.

Give me back that 10 spot.

Yeah.

People are talking, Frankie.

Sh*t's about to go down.

What's that got to do with me?

It's Billings, Frankie.

He's selling us out for the big game.

Jesus H!

I know we've had our differences

in the past.

Yes, Bartlett, we have.

And that's it, baby.

That's long division.

Oh, Bartlett, you're everything

a man should be.

- Tell me again about remainders.

- (screams)

No, Frankie, no!

It's not what you think! No!

Frankie:
Bonecracker!

Hard to believe

that was just yesterday.

We can't let them close the school.

I don't know what I'll do, Frankie.

I have a wife and kids

to think about.

You do?

Not yet, but someday.

You have to get word out.

Take this.

We're all counting on you, Fowler.

Forget our past.

I'll do what I can, Bartlett,

but I'll never forget our past.

(children playing)

That's the thing, though, you know?

You give and you give

and you give.

And what do they do?

Take it. They take take take.

Even still, we need the ladies.

Honest to goodness,

we need 'em.

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