M*A*S*H Page #17
- TV-PG
- Year:
- 1972
- 25 min
- 970 Views
TIME LAPSE:
Henry is standing indignantly over Trapper, who is sipping a
beer in his sleeping bag. Duke, Hawkeye and Ho-Jon are
witnesses to the encounter.
HENRY:
(yelling)
What's wrong with you?
TRAPPER:
I don't know. I must have lost my
punch. I didn't think the son-of-a-
b*tch would get up.
HAWKEYE:
Stop acting like a colonel, Henry.
You know Trapper wouldn't sock him
without a good reason.
HENRY:
There's no reason good enough for
one medical officer to strike another.
DUKE:
That there Frank Burns is a menace.
Whenever a patient croaks on him
it's either God's will or somebody
else's fault.
HAWKEYE:
This time he did it to a kid who's
simple enough to believe him. Why
don't you dump the mother, Henry? He
creates more work than he gets done.
HENRY:
I should fire him because he got in
the way of Trapper's fist? No. I've
put up with a lot from you guys, but
now I finally have to take
disciplinary action.
HAWKEYE:
Christ. All of a sudden it's West
Point.
DUKE:
What are you going to do with him?
HENRY:
Well...
(to Trapper)
I was going to name you Chief
Surgeon...
(to Hawkeye)
To consult on both shifts, yours and
Frank's.
DUKE:
Hey, that's great, Henry! Good
thinking!
HAWKEYE:
First decent idea you've had in a
month.
HENRY:
Now I'll have to wait at least a
week. If I announced it tomorrow,
after what our new Chief Nurse saw
this afternoon, they'd hear her
yelling from Seoul to Washington.
TIME LAPSE:
Hot Lip's handsome face is relaxed into her most charming
smile as she approaches Hawkeye at the table where he sits
by himself having a late breakfast after a long night's work.
Hawkeye (like Trapper and Duke) no longer makes any attempt
at a proper military appearance.
HOT LIPS:
Captain Pierce, would I be
imposing...?
HAWKEYE:
Honey, nobody as pretty as you could
ever impose... please sit down.
Coffee?
He offers her some from the pot beside him, and she holds
HOT LIPS:
Captain, I've been observing the
nurses on your shift. But naturally
your own opinion is more informed
than mine.
HAWKEYE:
I'm glad you feel that way, Major,
because you see it's a team effort...
doctors, nurses, enlisted men... and
I feel responsible for my whole team,
and I want you to know I'm satisfied
with them.
HOT LIPS:
All of them?
HAWKEYE:
That's right. We work well together.
HOT LIPS:
Major Burns is far from satisfied.
HAWKEYE:
That don't surprise me. If you're a
good observer, you must have observed
by now that Frank Burns is a jerk.
HOT LIPS:
On the contrary, I've observed he's
not only a good technical surgeon,
he's a good military surgeon. And
that includes how a man dresses and
how he bears himself and his sense
of what it means to be an officer in
the United States Army.
HAWKEYE:
And his track record, that don't
count? Look, honey, when you watch
the two shifts try to notice which
one does the most work with the least
fuss.
HOT LIPS:
I've noticed that both nurses and
enlisted men address you as 'Hawkeye.'
HAWKEYE:
It's my name. Maybe that sounds silly
to you but...
HOT LIPS:
That kind of familiarity is
inconsistent with maximum efficiency
in a military organization.
HAWKEYE:
Okay, Major, honey.
(pushes back his chair)
I'm going to have a couple shots
scotch and go to bed. I'd normally
ask you to join me but obviously
you're a female version of the routine
Regular Army clown. And that turns
me off, so just leave my outfit alone
and we'll get along fine.
(stands up to go)
See you around the campus.
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"M*A*S*H" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/m*a*s*h_200>.
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