M*A*S*H Page #2

HAWKEYE:

Pretty near. What do you know about

the outfit we're going to?

DUKE:

C.O. is Colonel Blake. Lieutenant

Colonel Henry Braymore Blake. One of

them regular army clowns. Push you

around so it's hard to get any decent

work done.

HAWKEYE:

We got to head them off, right at

the start. Push them around first.

They have exchanged the bottle a couple of times. In the act

of raising it to his mouth, Hawkeye looks toward the hospital

doorway.

HAWKEYE:

I think we already caught their eye.

Two MPs have emerged from the hospital administration offices

and are heading toward them. Hawkeye goes into action quickly,

starting the Jeep engine.

DUKE:

What's the initials 'MP' stand for,

Hawkeye?

HAWKEYE:

Shore Patrol, Duke. Let's go!

The Jeep starts off at its maximum takeoff speed and

accelerates dangerously as it careens out of the hospital

grounds.

TIME LAPSE:

EXT. ROAD NEAR OUIJONGBU – DAY

Hawkeye and Duke are driving the Jeep along the muddy road –

they come upon a sign which fills a large part of the screen:

"Last chance before Peking". A short distance behind the

sign, it is now revealed are three parked U.S. Army trucks,

in front of which parades a group of Korean prostitutes from

fourteen to forty-five.

Despite the autumn weather, their costumes, mixed American

mail order and Korean, are chosen for seductive appeal rather

than warmth.

HAWKEYE:

Must be the Famous Curb Service Whore

–

(pronounced 'howah')

House. You in the market Duke?

DUKE:

(in negation)

I done my shopping in Seoul last

night.

They now have a fairly clear view of a GI and a Korean female

lying in tight formation in the bed on one of the trucks,

their activity only partially concealed by a blanket.

DUKE:

Curb service is right.

TIME LAPSE:

EXT. APPROACH TO 4077TH MASH – DAY

Hawkeye stops the Jeep as they come to a place in the road

where they can get a downward look at their future home. The

river valley in which the 4077th Mash is situated is almost

surrounded by mountains. The components of the post are spread

out in a rough horseshoe with a large compound of level ground

in the middle. At the closed end of the horseshoe is the

main hospital building, made of wood with a tin roof marked

by a large red cross; everything else is canvas. To the left

of the main building are strung out the Admitting Ward,

Laboratory, Dental Clinic, Mess Hall, PX, Showers Tent, Barber

Tent and the Enlisted Men's Tents. On the right side are the

Postop Ward, Officers' Tents, Nurses' Tents, Korean Domestics'

Tents and finally, the Officers' Club. In the f.g., from

Duke and Hawkeye's angle are four helicopters belonging to

the 5th Air Rescue Squadron, and the signs we have already

seen marking the post and the 38th Parallel.

HAWKEYE:

Well, there it is. Jesus!

DUKE:

The spot we picked to spend the

winter. Maybe we ought to look a

little harder.

BRIEF TIME LAPSE:

INT. MASH MESS HALL – DAY

As Hawkeye and Duke enter. The large tent has two floor levels

separated by a railing into a section for officers and one

for enlisted men, the two groups being much closer to

numerical equality here than in an ordinary military

installation. There is a further voluntary piece of

segregation within the officers' section: the men – medical

officers plus a couple of administrative officers and a

helicopter pilot – are at one long, rectangular table; the

nurses, ranging in rank from second lieutenant to captain,

at another.

Hawkeye starts to lead the way to an empty table in the

officers' section, but Duke calls his attention to the

outstanding feature of the nurses' table: LIEUTENANT DISH,

24, blonde and clearly, even in her winter fatigues, the

sexiest looking nurse in military history.

DUKE:

What do you think of that piece of

scenery, Yankee boy?

HAWKEYE:

Finest kind. We'll sit where we can

get the best view.

Accordingly, they select seats close to the nurses and facing

the Lieutenant. Some personnel are on duty in the hospital

during this lunch period, but beside Dish, two of the

following three nurses with whom we will become acquainted

are present here:

KNOCKO, who is black, a captain in her thirties, solidly

built, very strong and very competent in her job; LESLIE,

also a captain, not more than thirty, bright, attractive,

cheerful, the kind of girl that brings out the latent male

matrimonial instinct but who, strangely, is treated as

inviolate by the by the sex-starved men of the post; and

LIEUTENANT SCORCH, who can't match Dish or Leslie by physical

standards but has the asset of instant availability.

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