M*A*S*H Page #6

LIEUTENANT DISH:

And absolutely determined to be

faithful to my husband. Do we have

that in common, Captain?

HAWKEYE:

It's a matter of definition. Faithful

in spirit, yes.

LIEUTENANT DISH:

I don't make the distinction. But

the sex urge is a powerful force. In

women just as much as men.

HAWKEYE:

Ayuh.

LIEUTENANT DISH:

You'd think now, with only six weeks

before they ship me back home, it

would be easier. But it isn't.

HAWKEYE:

Of course not.

LIEUTENANT DISH:

It's terribly hard. Sometimes the

temptation is just too much.

HAWKEYE:

Then why not, as long as it wouldn't

hurt anybody...?

LIEUTENANT DISH:

(not hearing him,

just continuing her

own thought)

But you've made me feel strong again,

Captain. Hawkeye.

(smiling, tears gone,

ready to return to

work)

You helped me pull together when I

needed it.

With a grateful look at him, she goes back inside. Hawkeye

contemplates the accomplishment she has credited him with,

and finds it appalling.

INT. OPERATING ROOM – NIGHT

Hawkeye and Duke are working across the table from each other

again, this time inside a man's chest, stopping a hemorrhage

and debriding the wound.

DUKE:

Now that's what I call real pretty.

We can close up here and go into his

belly.

HAWKEYE:

He can't take much more time on the

table.

DUKE:

So we got to cut him fast. I figure

from the X-ray it ain't just the

spleen. We also got to snatch his

right kidney.

EXT. MASH COMPOUND – MORNING

Wearing fatigues now, Hawkeye and Duke are making their weary

way from the hospital to their tent after a night's work.

There is an announcement coming over the post-wide public

address system, but it doesn't concern them.

SARGEANT VOLLMER'S VOICE

(over P.A.)

Captain Murrhardt, please report to

the Colonel's office at the earliest

opportunity. Captain Murrhardt.

BRIEF TIME LAPSE:

INT. THE SWAMP – MORNING

Ho-Jon throws a match into the oil stove, but it doesn't

work. He looks into it, strikes another match, and this time

it lights up so quickly he is almost singed by the flame.

Hawkeye and Duke open the door and come in. Ho-Jon straightens

and bows.

HO-JON

Good morning, Captain Pierce and

Captain Forrest.

HAWKEYE:

You can cut the bow.

HO-JON

I have not understood what you means.

HAWKEYE:

(demonstrating bow)

That. It's out of the act.

He and Duke remove their outer clothing during the ensuing:

HO-JON

Because is not democrash? All peoples

created equal?

DUKE:

Hey, you been sneaking some reading

outside the frigging Bible!

HO-JON

I have great interest for America,

his peoples and his custom.

DUKE:

Good, because we got a fine old

American custom we want to teach

you. You know what these are?

He gives Ho-Jon two bottles. The boy looks at the labels.

HO-JON

Gin. I know, yes.

(reads other label)

Dry...

(has trouble with the

word)

...vermouth.

EXT. MASH COMPOUND – MORNING

Frank walks toward the tent from the direction of the

hospital.

BRIEF TIME LAPSE:

INT. THE SWAMP – MORNING

Frank opens the door and is taken aback by the sight of the

two bottles on the table and Ho-Jon filling glasses held by

Duke and Hawkeye, who have climbed into their sleeping bags.

He is so disturbed he fails to shut the door.

FRANK:

Is that liquor?

HAWKEYE:

Finest kind. We're training Ho-Jon

to be a bartender. Join us?

DUKE:

But first will you please kindly

shut the goddam door?

FRANK:

I don't drink intoxicants.

HAWKEYE:

(to Duke)

Christ Almighty, I think he means

it!

DUKE:

We been had.

FRANK:

I don't believe it's right for you

to involve a boy who's not seventeen

years old yet...

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