M*A*S*H Page #7

DUKE:

The door, Frank, the door! Where you

from anyhow, Alaska?

FRANK:

(closing door)

Wisconsin.

DUKE:

Same general idea.

Frank proceeds to take off his outer clothing preparatory to

retiring.

HO-JON

Officer all sleep now, yes? And I go

wash clothes.

HAWKEYE:

Right, Ho-Jon. See you later.

FRANK:

So long, Ho-Jon.

DUKE:

You make a mean martini, kid.

Ho-Jon goes out. Duke and Hawkeye settle back to enjoy their

drinks but they both come bolt upright when they see Frank

drop to his knees by his cot and begin to intone the Lord's

Prayer.

FRANK:

Our Father who art in Heaven Hallow'd

be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy

will be done, On earth as it is in

Heaven...

Hawkeye and Duke find it hard to believe their eyes and ears.

They never expected to see a grown man behaving as Frank is

now.

FRANK:

Give us this day our daily...

HAWKEYE:

You ever caught this bread, and

forgive our syndrome before, Duke?

FRANK:

...trespasses as we forgive those

who trespass against...

DUKE:

Us. Lead us not into...

FRANK:

...No cases over the age of temptation

but deliver us eight. from evil. For

Thine is the kingdom, the power and...

HAWKEYE & DUKE

...the glory forever. Amen.

(raising martini

glasses)

Amen!

DUKE:

(singing)

Onward Christian soldiers...

DUKE & HAWKEYE

(singing)

Marching as to war. With the cross

of Jesus going on before. Christ our

Royal Master, leads against the foe.

Forward into battle...

DUKE:

(breaking off singing,

points to Frank)

He ain't finished!

For a moment, before Hawkeye speaks, some of the words Frank

is mumbling come through.

FRANK:

...And for our young men on the field

of battle, that they may return home

to their dear ones...

HAWKEYE:

Come clean with us, Frank. Were you

on this religious kick back home, or

did you start to crack up here on

the post?

FRANK:

(ignoring him)

...And for our Supreme Commander

over here and our Commander-in-Chief

in Washington.

DUKE:

How long does the show go on, Frank?

Frank turns his head toward Duke while remaining in praying

position.

FRANK:

It gets longer all the time. Now I

have your soul to pray for, and

Captain Pierce's.

TIME LAPSE:

INT. HENRY'S OUTER OFFICE – DAY

Sargeant Vollmer is working on some papers at his desk when

Hawkeye and Duke come in. They pass right by him and head

for Henry's door.

VOLLMER:

Hey! That's a Colonel's office!

HAWKEYE:

(hand on Henry's door)

Ayuh. Just who we're looking for.

(opens door)

Henry, you got to do something!

LESLIE exits from Henry's office as they enter.

INT. HENRY'S OFFICE – DAY

Henry is at his desk. Duke and Hawkeye come in and seat

themselves in informal comfort. Both watch Leslie exit.

HAWKEYE:

We've stuck it out for a whole week

now... Pretty girl.

DUKE:

We sure don't aim to cause any

trouble... Yeah, she seems to grow

on you.

HENRY:

You don't aim to cause any trouble –

But?

HAWKEYE:

But we strongly suspect something

will happen to screw up this splendid

organization of yours if you don't

get that sky pilot out of our tent.

HENRY:

Your tent?

DUKE:

Yeah, maybe move that nurse in. She

don't seem the type to keep you awake

praying.

HENRY:

(pause)

I have been in this Army a long time.

I know just what you guys are up to.

But there are limits...

HAWKEYE:

We'll find out what they are when

you throw us out.

HENRY:

That's all the commitment you're

offering me?

(to Duke)

Or do you have some more extravagant

gesture of cooperation?

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