M*A*S*H Page #8

DUKE:

No, Hawkeye just said it all.

HAWKEYE:

Except we forgot one other small

thing.

DUKE:

What's that?

HAWKEYE:

The chest-cutter.

DUKE:

Yeah, that's right.

(to Henry)

You better get us a chest-cutter

before there's trouble.

HAWKEYE:

This outfit needs somebody who can

find his way around the pulmonary

anatomy when the bases are loaded.

DUKE:

And it's the ninth inning.

HENRY:

Forget it. No Mash unit has a chest

surgeon and we aren't about to get

one. Your housing problem I'll give

some thought to in the next couple

of weeks.

Radar O'Reilly comes in with "Emergency" written all over

his expressive face. He makes a hand gesture to Henry that

could loosely be construed as a salute.

HENRY:

Yes, O'Reilly?

DUKE:

How you, Radar?

RADAR:

They're running behind in the OR,

sir, and the Preop Ward is all jammed

up. Two choppers and three ambulances

full.

This is the most serious kind of crisis for the outfit, and

Henry's expression shows it.

HENRY:

(to Duke and Hawkeye)

You boys'll have to go to work early.

DUKE:

You fixing to add overtime to a twelve-

hour day? The union ain't gonna like

it.

HAWKEYE:

You work those kind of hours, you

got to have rest. Which you can't

get with somebody jabbering away on

a direct line to heaven.

HENRY:

(crisply)

Major Burns will be out of your tent

in twenty-four hours.

(to Radar)

Tell them Captain Pierce and Captain

Forrest are on their way.

Radar goes out. Duke gets to his feet and Hawkeye makes a

preliminary move toward doing so.

HAWKEYE:

About that chest-cutter...

HENRY:

I'll try, d-d-dammit! You can't ask

any more than that!

HAWKEYE:

We don't want any more than that.

(following Duke out)

Right now.

TIME LAPSE:

EXT. MASH COMPOUND – DUSK

Hawkeye and Lieutenant Dish are walking close together in an

otherwise deserted area.

HAWKEYE:

Cold?

He puts an arm around her without waiting for an answer. She

smiles at him fondly.

LIEUTENANT DISH:

Even if I weren't.

HAWKEYE:

Maria...

He kisses her and they cling together, standing outside a

tent identified by a sign: "OFFICER'S CLUB."

LIEUTENANT DISH:

Oh, Hawkeye, I don't think I could

stick it out these next few weeks

without you.

Hawkeye opens the door of the Officers' Club, looks in.

HAWKEYE:

Nobody here.

He steps aside to let her precede him in. There is nothing

inside except a pool table. She hesitates. He takes her in

his arms again, this time pressing his hands against the

seat of her fatigue pants.

LIEUTENANT DISH:

You understand why I still can't...

Ho-Jon appears in his line of vision, not hers.

HO-JON

Captain Pierces...

Hawkeye lets go of her, and they try to look like innocent

strollers.

HAWKEYE:

Hi, Ho-Jon. How they goin'?

HO-JON

Finest kind. Captain Forrests say

you better haul ass home quick. We

got new chest-cutter in our tent.

BRIEF TIME LAPSE:

EXT. THE SWAMP – DUSK

The wooden front of the tent has a new sign identifying it

as "THE SWAMP."

INT. THE SWAMP – DUSK

First we see Hawkeye sitting on his cot, looking across the

tent at the newcomer. Attached to the canvas wall behind him

is a photograph of his wife and two sons, aged four and two.

Next we turn our attention to Duke on the adjoining cot

(formerly Frank's). He also has a family picture on display:

his wife, two-year-old daughter and an infant. Then we get

our first glimpse of TRAPPER JOHN, their new tentmate, about

30, tall and very thin, his head pretty well hidden inside

the hood of a parka. He is using cellophane tape to install

one of the popular nude photos of the day (such as the one

of Marilyn Monroe that circulated so widely in the early

1950's).

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