Machete Kills Page #2

We figure he's laired-up

in the jungle somewhere

since our satellites

can't pinpoint him.

Our only lead is

this prizewinner,

a working girl, goes

by the name of Cereza.

Find her, find Mendez.

Where can I find her?

In Acapulco.

Her information, including the address

to her brothel, is in this dossier.

Uh, uh, uh.

First, I'm gonna need

something from you.

See, even here,

people talk about Machete.

The man.

The myth.

The legend.

I just wanna know the

legend inside and out.

I just lost someone.

Why don't you let me turn that

frown upside down, Papi?

How long

since you've been back?

Since before the wall went up.

A lot has changed since then.

It's a run and gun

free-for-all out there.

Acapulco is a war zone,

and we're dropping you

right in the middle of it.

Here. It's a direct

line to yours truly.

You get into a pinch, you just

press pound to phone home.

It's good for calls,

texts, tweets.

Machete don't tweet.

You do now.

You ready for this?

Good luck on that pageant.

I'm gonna need

a lot more than luck!

Did you see the ass

on Miss Corpus Christi?

All right.

For all of you new girls,

it's peso-p*ssy Tuesday.

So keep your panties dropped, your legs

spread, and your snatch well-oiled,

'cause you're not walking any

straight lines tomorrow.

As you know,

every jerk-off low-life from

this side of Rio Grande

is gonna pile through that door

as soon as the sun comes down,

so get them off

and get them out.

And, ladies, every stiff pecker

in my parlor pays to play.

No freebies.

Those are house rules.

Doors open in five minutes.

You're early, handsome.

But then again, the early

bird gets the fresh egg.

I'm looking for a girl.

And I'm looking at a man that

came to the right place.

Pick your poison.

This is the one I want.

Why this one?

Best in Mexico.

Have a seat on the couch,

lover boy.

I'll go fetch her for you.

Where's the girl?

Upstairs. Room six.

But don't go.

You'll miss the peepshow.

I blew my wad, lover boy.

Get him!

Who the f*** are you?

Machete.

I've heard Mendez speak of you.

You want to use me

to get to him?

Take me.

Now.

Cereza!

I said no freebies.

You know, the first thing we are

taught is to defend ourselves.

Any one of us

could have killed you.

You think my mom had bite?

Mendez is gonna gut

you like a game hen.

That was your mother?

You're here to kill him,

aren't you?

Look, don't be

a f***ing hero, man.

Mendez is many things, but

merciful is not one of them.

He'll skin you alive for

laying your hands on me.

I'm his cereza, his virgin.

Mendez isn't who

you think he is.

The terrible things he did, he

did them for the greater good.

All he truly wants

is a better Mexico.

Machete, you have to promise me

you'll spare his life

and help him.

Please, Machete.

If you've ever loved

anyone, you'd understand.

Do nothing, say nothing,

or you're dead.

Who's this?

New bodyguard.

Mother's orders.

Go ahead, Zaror.

Call it in.

Tell Mendez the muscle

comes or I don't.

Yes.

So here's the thing.

He's lost his mind. There

are two sides to him now.

Some days he's Mendez the

Revolutionary, fighting for the people.

But other days he's

Mendez the Madman,

reliving his cartel glory.

It's a toss-up which

one you're gonna get.

So he'll either hug you

or he'll kill you.

His condition gets worse every day.

The boss has a message

for you, Machete.

End of message.

WOW!

Look what the little

whore dragged in.

Machete Cortez.

Yes, I've heard your stories.

People still sing

songs about you.

Raise your hand

if you have sung a song

about our friend Machete here.

Only son of a b*tch who gets his

praises sung around here is me.

So tell me, Machete, what did

you think of my Cereza, huh?

It's a shame

I had to let her go,

but by bringing you here

she betrayed me.

She was trying to save you.

You know what this is?

This is the enema

I plan to fire up

the a**hole of

the United States.

Why, Mendez?

Because our people don't

need songs or stories.

They need action.

There's other ways.

The motherfuckers

run this country,

the corrupt politicians,

the media, hiding the truth,

and the cartels killing anything and

anyone who stands in their path.

The US is responsible

for a lot of this.

So since they don't take care

of their part of the problem,

then we will send our part

of the problem to them.

You're crazy.

With a capital muchacho.

I know why

you're here, Machete.

You work for

the enemy now, huh?

Mmm.

Just another Pancho

doing their dirty work.

I got news for you, cabrn.

Killing me ain't in the cards.

'Cause I am the ticking, ticking

wrath of Mexico, motherf***er.

Thanks to my good doctor here,

that missile's system

is linked right into my heart.

So if my heart stops beating,

Washington will become

the bright shining light

it always thought it was.

Disarm it.

There's only two men in the

world who know how to do that.

Correction, one.

Who's the other one?

The one who created this

beautiful device, of course.

But since he lives in the US,

I'm afraid you are f***ed.

Your mission is over, cabrn.

You have failed.

Machete don't fail.

What you gonna do,

you gonna kill me?

That's a motherfucking

bomb, pendejo!

I'm not gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill your men, steal your

choppers, get you over the wall.

Leave him to me!

And find the other one

that can disarm you.

Shoot me!

Let me take care

of him. Please.

You won't make it, amigo.

Even if we get out

of here alive,

my men are instructed

to put a bounty on my head.

$10 million.

We won't survive a mile,

let alone the border.

And the best part is,

the fail-safe on my ticker

here just went live.

You have 24 hours, my friend.

$10 million! If the assassins

don't get us, the cartels will.

Hell, anyone with

a loaded weapon

and a bill to pay

will make a run at us.

And, boy, it's a long way

to the wall.

Yeah? What's the status?

Is he dead?

I have Mendez in custody.

In a chopper.

He's alive.

Wait a second.

Machete, what's this I hear about

you having Mendez in custody?

Things got complicated.

No sh*t!

You were supposed to take him

out, not give him a joyride

on the Good Ship Lollipop!

Damn it, I didn't recruit you

for your sense of compassion.

Machete kills.

That's what he does! He

doesn't save the bad guys!

Now shoot that motherf***er!

If he dies, you die. The

missile is wired to his heart.

Come again?

Machete, can it be disarmed?

Only where it was made.

VozTech.

VozTech is the biggest weapons

supplier to our military!

You want to bring him all the way

back to the f***ing manufacturer?

I need your help

getting him across the border.

This is part of something big.

I can feel it.

Not happening.

Last time I sent a black

op team into Mexico,

they got dead and I got

the Oval ass-f***.

You're on our own, Machete.

We cannot help you until you're

out of Mexico. You hear me?

Get the hell out of there

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