Machete Kills Page #3

as fast as you can!

Machete, double-time it

to the border.

I'll assist you as

much as possible,

but you've got

to move your ass!

Oh, what happened?

You don't remember?

I have this condition,

I'm afraid.

I seem to switch

personalities unexpectedly.

You tried to kill yourself.

You strapped a bomb

to your chest.

Then it seems events

are already in motion.

I am Marcos Mendez, leader of

the revolution. And you are?

Machete.

Oh, Machete.

I've heard of you.

People sing songs about you...

We've had this talk already.

Come on, get up.

I didn't hurt anyone, did I?

You had Cereza killed.

Then I'm a monster

and I must die.

Let's go.

I will lay down my life

for the cause.

And if you choose to

remain in my company,

I fear you will become

its casualty, as well.

Come on.

Should've kept

up with your Spanish there, son.

Sounds like we may be able to

string up this piata after all.

Let's get on it, Clebourne.

Sounds like bean-fried Pedros

are back in season.

Come on!

You wouldn't happen

to have a Popsicle

I could stick up

my ass, would you?

A martini. Extra dirty.

Two olives.

All we have is tequila

and Chango.

Right.

For a moment there, I forgot I was

in a black hole of sophistication.

Chango it is.

Although, your limited

selection of Mexican beer

is not what brings me here.

So what does?

You do, Carlos.

But it can't be.

They say you don't have a face.

They say you don't exist.

I may not exist,

but this gun does.

You don't have to do this!

You can tell whoever hired you

that I'll give back the money.

This isn't about

the money, Carlos,

and it isn't about my employer.

It's about ethics.

Now if I don't shoot you

square in the face,

I would be violating a contractual

obligation and, well...

Please.

Don't beg.

Emotional confrontations

make me very uncomfortable.

How much for the Change?

50 cents.

I'm gonna give you 75.

Do you have change

for a dollar?

I don't know

where the hell we are.

Excuse me.

We're a little lost. Any chance

you could steer us to Len?

I could.

The trouble is, you've seen my

face and I've just changed.

I'm truly sorry, ma'am.

It's just a matter of time and

place not meeting in your favor.

I am lost.

Can you help me with directions?

Is there a bus

that goes nearby?

"Maneater."

That's what they used to call me

when I was just a little girl.

I didn't know what that meant,

but that never stopped my daddy

from coming into my bed

after a night of drinking.

So, one night, I gave

him what he deserved.

I chewed his balls off

with my teeth!

The next day,

I went to school with pieces

of him still in my braces.

I became what he always

said I was, a maneater.

I despise men.

I can't trust them.

I think that

p*ssy clouds their minds.

And now my little

Cereza lays dead

because of that reason.

And that's where you come in.

As random as a selection

as you might be,

you're still a man, Papi,

and I am f***ing famished!

Madame?

Yes?

We've found them.

Mendez and Machete.

Bring me my double-D's.

Gather all the girls.

We're going

to avenge my Cereza.

Hey! You want Mendez?

Here I am!

You read my mind, Machete.

Yup. Yup. Yup, this is the

perfect place for my last meal.

Give me and my friend here a

plate of your finest cabrito.

And bring some bread and wine,

too, please. Thank you.

See, Machete, you're the

only one who doesn't want me dead.

Puta madre, Machete.

What the hell are you

doing back in Mexico?

Our federales brothers

were very upset

that you abandoned us

in the heat of battle.

I heard you moved to the US and

cleaned rich people's pools, huh?

Put the gun down.

This man's a murderer.

He killed 13 federales

in cold blood.

13 crooked federales.

Dirty lint in

Los Cuerpo's pocket.

How the f*** do

you know that, puto?

I was undercover.

An agent?

There's no agents in Mexico.

You're looking at Mexico's first,

last, and only secret agent.

Give me one f***ing good reason

I shouldn't shoot him

like the dog that he is.

If he dies, thousands in

Washington die with him.

And if he lives?

How many more will die?

And why help the US?

'Cause I'm the only one

who can.

You were always

the sensitive one, Machete.

Bloody hell!

It's a Mexican stand-off!

I'm taking him in.

Oh, really? Where?

You will take me straight

to the cartels.

Machete.

This man is a dirty cop.

Shut your f***ing mouth!

Shut up, loco!

You shouldn't have

said that, amigo.

Because if you call me loco, then

I'm afraid loco is what you get!

Hello again, Machete.

Say one more word!

Let's make a better

Mexico, Machete.

All you have to do is pull

that f***ing trigger. Come on.

Come on!

See, Machete?

Justice and law aren't

always the same thing.

What the f*** is going on here?

Where's my cabrito?

Machete!

Hola.

Ah, look at me, top scores.

Forgive my excitement, but I'm

just learning to speak Spanish.

Not by choice, but I can't get the,

uh, CD to change for the life of me.

But f*** it.

When in Rome, right?

Well, I'm trying to find a

place called Villa Guerrero.

Perhaps you've heard of it?

No s, seor.

You haven't heard of it, or "no s,"

you don't understand the question?

Allow me to use

a more useful illustration.

I'm really trying here.

And if you say "no s"

one more time,

I'm gonna put a bullet in your

brain out of sheer frustration.

Now then, Villa Guerrero?

Your sense of direction doesn't

inspire confidence, seor

Allow me to translate.

Damn. I was just starting

to get used to this face.

Ooh.

Muy bien, indeed.

El doctor.

Come quick.

Get the f*** out of here.

I'm performing surgery.

Put him in the bed there.

Where are they?

Still inside.

Okay, you two take the rear.

Machete!

Come out and play!

It's time we had another fling!

And bring that

baby-killer Mendez!

Pucker up, lover boy.

Suck on this!

Ugh, that's disgusting!

So I'm still alive.

Good for you, Machete.

Good for you.

This is the crazy you talking?

I can't continue to

live my life like this.

You used to be cartel.

And then you became

a revolutionary.

Why?

I was never cartel.

I was a secret agent

for the Mexican government.

My mission was

to infiltrate Los Cuerpos.

I had to see things.

I had to do things.

I had to watch people die in

ways that no man ever imagined.

Compromising everything I

believed, I became one of them.

I remember calling

my supervisor,

telling him that I wanted out,

that I wanted my life back.

What I didn't know,

he was dirty.

He had been bought

by the cartels.

They took me to

the killing room

where my wife

and daughter were waiting.

And they made me watch

as they beat them,

tortured them.

And then it happened.

The Madman took over

for the first time.

My wife and baby girl died because I

trusted a system that did not exist.

I realized that if I was

ever going to change Mexico,

I must do it myself.

I started my own revolution

against every single rotten motherf***er

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