Mad Dog and Glory Page #4

- Smoke, smoke.

- What?

Smoke.

You mean pot, crack, what?

Get smart with me,

I'll bust a cap in your ass.

You wanna do Dodge City

with me, motherf***er?

- Hey, you crazy?

- Crazy? I'm a f***in' mad dog.

Jesus.

Frank, you're making him

strong again.

Where were you?

What do you do for him?

Who, Frank?

I tend bar.

- What else?

- Deliver things.

- What things?

- Some pretty weird sh*t.

Like what?

Once I took this box

up to a guy in Detroit.

I took the Greyhound.

So I'm sitting on the bus six hours,

wondering.

I go into the bathroom

in the back.

I open the box and look inside.

There was a human hand in there...

with manicured nails

and a wedding band.

I almost died.

I get up to Detroit.

I deliver it to some guy

behind a counter in a bowling alley.

This guy, he opens the box,

looks inside...

and he gives me a tip

like I was delivering takeout.

You sleep with him?

With Frank?

I don't think he has sex.

Does he make you sleep

with anybody else?

No.

He's got girls for that.

The "Frank Milo dancers,"

he calls them.

So you never had

to sleep with anybody else?

One time,

the guy from the bowling alley?

He came into town

and he asked for me...

and Frank said I had to go out with him,

but what happened was up to me.

What happened was he was

a lot physically strong than me...

so I survived.

Oh, Jesus.

She survived.

Okay, what about me?

What if I get horny?

You're a thank-you present, right?

Why is it the worst thing a guy

can imagine happening to a woman...

is that she f***ed

some other guy?

I never said that.

That's not what I'm driving at.

- What are you driving at?

- I don't know, okay?

I do what I can for people,

but I'm no warrior. I'm no hero. Sorry.

I'm not asking you

to save me, Wayne.

So you need to be saved, right?

Tell me.

You need to be saved, right?

Look, for the next five days...

let's just pretend

we're your basic, normal couple.

- Normal.

- Watch TV.

TV. Right.

Frank! Stop it!

Stop the machine, Frank!

Don't pull that switch!

Wayne, could you put

your arm around me?

- Where's Varsdic?

- He said he'd blow up the dam.

If you don't wanna do anything,

that's okay with me.

I'll go with that.

- Okay, I don't wanna do anything.

- Good. That's okay.

You're a sweet man,

you know that?

Hey, no kiddin'.

If you don't wanna do it...

it's, it's okay.

Open your lips.

I know how to kiss.

You know, I oughta...

I should do some sit-ups.

- Right now?

- No, I mean, you know, in general.

Are you my hero?

Are you my man?

You're a sweet man.

- Watch out for next time.

- Fair enough.

I haven't made love in two years.

Made love. I like that.

You talk like someone

out of the Round Table days.

Sir Lancelot.

Galahad.

The thing about

photographing death...

There's no dignity in death.

The body can't defend itself.

Can't pull its skirt down.

Can't close its mouth.

Cops are walkin' around the crime scene,

everything's a joke.

What you're photographing

on the job...

is like the worst kind

of helplessness.

You know why I became a cop?

My father, his whole life

he was a sales clerk in a hat store.

A real invisible man.

Spent his whole life doin' that.

Takin' sh*t from people.

I was so afraid

I'd wind up like him...

I panicked and became a policeman.

Kinda overreacted, you know?

It's so quiet.

I can't believe

I'm here with you.

One time,

about 3:
00 in the morning...

I was set up right here,

lookin' down this street.

I'm lookin' right down, I swear to God.

You know what I see?

A goddamn deer is standing there

at that intersection down there.

I couldn't believe it.

I almost had a heart attack.

I don't know where it came from.

Maybe it swam over from Indiana,

escaped from the zoo...

but there it was,

this, this deer.

Me and this deer

at 3:
00 a.m. In the morning.

Let me show you

that photo of the deer.

- Would you photograph me?

- No, you don't want...

With the people I take pictures of,

it would be bad luck.

- Come on.

- No way. Sorry.

- Wayne, come on.

- No, it would freak me out.

Where the hell did I put it?

All right.

All right.

Smile for the birdie.

Do me.

It's so weird,

you wearing a gun to work every day.

- I keep forgetting, you know?

- Hey, no guts, no glory.

You see? I told you, Wayne.

This food can kill you.

Waiter says guy walks in,

comes up...

bop-bop, back of the head,

walks right out.

Gangland, USA.

Gino Coraldi...

was sitting down to some calamari.

He'd just stolen the account books

of Alphonse "The Wolf" Lupo.

He felt like celebrating.

About right?

I'm just a gigolo

Everywhere I go

People know the part

I'm playing

Pay for every dance

Selling each romance

Louis Prima!

The best!

And there will come a day

When youth will pass away

What will they say about me

When the end comes I know

They'll say just a gigolo

Life goes on without me

'cause

I ain't got nobody

- Nobody

- No, and there's

Nobody that cares for me

There's nobody that cares for me

- I'm so sad and lonely

- I am sad and lonely

Sad and lonely

Sad and lonely

Won't some sweet mama

come take a chance with me

'Cause I ain't so bad

What do you think

is the motive here?

When the end comes I know

They'll say just a gigolo

Life goes on without me

'cause

I ain't got nobody

What, did you get laid last night?

Mike, I don't get laid.

I make love.

Thank you.

Hi, Wayne.

- Hey, Mike.

- Swear to God, it's true.

Then my friend Phil.

Philly applies

to the police department.

Interviewer says,

"Mr. Scarangelo, what's your height?"

Philly reads off his palm,

"Six foot, three inches."

Guy says,

"What's your weight?"

"Uh, 203 pounds."

Guy says,

"And can you tell me your first name?"

Philly goes...

"Philly."

The interviewer says, "What was that

you did with your head like that?"

Philly goes...

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

That's nothin'.

I said to my wife, "Hey!

Did you ever hear of

clean-ing, cook-ing?"

She says,

"Two cities in China?"

My wife said this!

Hey! There he is!

I just come by.

I went in on a bakery.

Pineapple-Sour Cream.

Eat.

- You look drawn.

- What are you doing here?

I don't know. Harold said

you didn't seem so happy the other day.

I was in the neighborhood,

so I thought I'd check in with you.

So how's it goin'?

- How's that burn on your hand?

- Doing fine.

- Nice-nice?

- Fine.

The gift that keeps on givin'.

What's wrong?

She's yankin' your chain, right?

Messin' with your head?

Sure. Look at ya.

Givin' you sob stories, I bet.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Then quit givin' me

that look, Ma.

I'm your sonny boy.

Want me to sing for you?

May I?

I gotta go.

Look.

I'm doing Comic-Cazie tomorrow.

You should come.

Unless, you know, you're busy.

- What the f*** is he doin' here?

- I don't know.

- That's the guy I told you about.

- F*** you. And who are you?

This is, uh, Frank.

Frank Milo?

You've heard of me?

Yeah.

Wayne says you killed that mutt we found

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes