Mad Dog and Glory Page #5

in the garbage can the other night.

I thought maybe you'd heard of me

in the clubs... you know, comic circles.

No, just scumbag circles.

Sorry.

Jesus Christ.

Is this what's troublin' you?

I'm kinda jammed up here, Frank.

I thought we were friends.

Two guys wished

they were someplace else.

Whatever.

All right, I'll come by...

Let's see,

tonight's Thursday.

I'll come by,

pick her up Monday.

Okay? Monday morning.

See ya, Ma.

And, incidentally, I don't know

what you're talkin' about...

a guy in a garbage pail,

but, uh...

most of the people I know

who don't die in bed...

they usually wind up

killing themselves.

Pick who up Monday?

What's up, man?

I don't know.

I don't know, you know?

Hello?

What are you trying to pull now?

Frank, hi.

I want you out of there

by Monday.

No more head trips

on this chump...

or you will be the one

with the problem.

Hey, he's not a chump, okay?

I told you I was doin' you

a big favor with this.

I hate it when people

take advantage of my favors.

Taking advantage?

Come on, Frank.

And then I'm gonna do you

one more big favor...

and this'll be about the last thing

you do for me.

It's for a friend

of a friend from Detroit.

Thanks, Frank.

I'll be there.

I'll be there.

Whatever happens is up to me.

Where have I heard that before?

I'm not...

I'm not giving you lip.

I'm not.

I'm sorry.

When have I not been good company?

What, you got a date

from Detroit comin' up?

It's not till next week.

We still have three

fun-filled days and nights here.

Let's make the most of it, okay?

You're not goin' back to him.

It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, it is.

I love you.

There's nothing

you can do about it.

- What can you do about it?

- I said I love you.

I don't want

another one of those.

It wasn't her fault.

Hey. Your pal.

What's his name, uh, Frank?

He sent it over.

I saved two pieces in the fridge for ya.

Yeah, what is he, a baker?

He's killin' me with this crap.

Oh, Jesus.

Are you doing anything

urgent on Monday?

What time?

One floor below me

You don't even know me

I love you

On the ceiling if you want me

If the answer is no

Means you'll meet me

in the hallway

Twice on the pipe

Means you ain't gonna show

Hey, "occifer,"

what's the word?

- Nothin' much.

- She comin' down?

Where's she gonna fit?

Looks like a full boat.

She can sit on my lap.

She comin' down?

You wouldn't believe what happened

this week. It's crazy, man.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Uh, listen, I'm serious.

We're, uh, we're in love.

And I think we're gonna...

we're gonna live together.

Maybe even get married.

Who knows?

Yeah, well, I'm serious.

I swear to God.

That's life, you know?

"That's life."

F***in' Wayne.

You give him a hand,

he takes the whole arm.

Bring her down.

I love her.

You love her.

I own her!

I knew it, I knew it,

I knew it!

Didn't I call it right on the nose

when I saw you in the office?

You're a schmuck if you don't think

she's playing you like a violin.

Women.

F***in' women... You can't

live with 'em, you can't kill 'em.

Okay, if you want...

you can assume the debt.

- Assume the debt?

- Yeah.

Be my friend.

For what, I don't exactly know.

You're a cop.

Maybe somethin',

maybe nothin'.

You want me to forget about her,

for the next year...

if I call you,

you have to pick up the phone.

That I can live with.

- I can't do that.

- Then send her down.

I can't do that either.

- Hello.

- How ya doin'?

Good. And you?

I'm good.

Are you heeled?

Did they ever catch the guy who did

the shithead in the garbage can?

She don't love you

Like I love you

Watch the glass door, a**hole!

Who's up there, Wayne?

I love her.

Jesus Christ.

Come on. Let's go see.

You always get someone else

to fight your fights for you?

Who am I to talk, right?

You okay, Harold?

Given the fact that wild horses couldn't

get you to tell me where she is...

Stop me if I'm wrong...

this is the best

I can do for ya.

Now, the cash value

of her services to me...

projected over one year...

would be 70...

$ 75,000.

You wanna buy her?

- 75,000?

- Okay.

The money store...

is gonna run

a founder's day sale... 50.

No. No.

You saved my life.

You can have her for 40,000.

Forty.

If you don't have it,

you can borrow it from me.

You can pay me back with

a personal services contract.

F*** you.

F*** me? Okay.

F*** me then.

Go to your credit union,

go to your bank...

go to Household Finance,

go to your mother.

You got three days.

I want 40,000,

or I want Glory.

This sh*t today, Wayne?

This was f***in' Romper Room.

You like baseball?

You get this straight with me,

I'll take you to some Sox games.

I got a season's box.

Forty in three, chief.

- That guy bites.

- Yeah.

- It's over.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- He backed off?

- He's history.

I owe you one.

I owe you ten.

- What the hell's goin' on?

- It's complicated. It's nothin'.

Welcome to the world.

Mike, he's a businessman.

He wants to stay in business.

He's fightin' with cops.

There's no percentage in that.

That's it.

Thanks, man.

- So, I'm really out of here?

- Out of here?

Yeah. You know what I mean.

I mean, I'm free?

I can hop on a plane and vanish?

If that's what you wanted to do.

No, I mean, I'm just sayin'.

You know, hypothetical.

'Cause in a couple of days,

you can go to the moon...

and take cooking classes

for all Frank cares.

In a few days?

Why not now?

He asked me to ask you

to sit tight a few days...

so he can take care

of loose ends.

Loose ends?

You know, he said he had to get

coverage for that guy from Detroit.

It's a goddamn steal. The guy said

He'll let me have it for 65

with a personal mortgage...

between me and him for the rest.

The guy's desperate. The house

has gotta be worth at least a hundred.

- I just have to make the 40.

- Lake Zurich.

- What the hell you gonna do up there?

- Nothing. I'll flip it.

Lend me five, I'll give you

back seven when I flip it.

I don't have it.

Don't you wanna know

what it's for?

It's for this real dream house

up in Lake Zurich.

How much does he want for her?

More than I got.

- You gonna help me or not?

- He ain't gettin' my money. Sorry.

How much am I goin' for?

- Forty thousand.

- That all?

Knocked down from 75.

Must be out of season.

- Where'd you get it?

- Doesn't matter.

I could only come up with $27,500.

You think he'll come down more?

Jesus Christ.

I just thought of somethin'.

This thing comes off, people say

to you, "Where'd you get the blond?"

You can say, "From the money store,

marked down from 75 to 27,500."

- No, I'd never say that.

- I'm going home, Wayne.

- Tell Frank to pick me up at home.

- No, no!

Look, I just spent a year

being somebody's property.

- Now, what, you're gonna buy me?

- No, I'm asking you, stay with me.

Frank kept you, not me.

I'm not him. I'm asking you.

If you wanna get some air,

it's okay, I understand.

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