Mad Money Page #3

today at work," right?

No, you probably don't

want to be saying that.

There you go.

- Oops.

Thanks.

Okay.

We need a code word

like, um--

Um, like...

- Liftoff.

Yeah. Liftoff.

That comes up really

easy in conversation.

Right.

'Cause you don't want it to be

something you could say accidentally.

You know, like, if our

"go" code was "hot",

and I saw you and I said, "Hey,

Nina, you look really hot today,"

and then you go and you

start stealing money,

that could be

a problem.

The last time somebody

told me I looked hot

was about seven years

nine months ago.

And I don't want

to hear it again.

It's been seven years

since you had sex?

All right. Can we just

please focus for a minute?

I think that the signal

should be...

a gesture, basically.

How about something

that doesn't get us

into some sort of

an incident?

How about something

more like...

um, I don't know,

like this?

See?

Right.

Works for me.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

So...that's it, then.

We're good to go.

I know.

Um...

Jackie?

We need to talk to you

about the drugs.

Okay.

It's none of our

business--

It is our business.

We could go to jail.

Plus it's stupid.

If we see any signs

that the drugs

are affecting your

abilities in any way--

In any way--

We're gonna pull

the plug.

Do you

understand that?

Yeah. No warnings,

no excuses, no apologies.

You mess up, it's over.

Is this like an

intervention?

You damn right.

Wow.

I guess I

could have told them,

but I was just really...

touched.

That they would take the trouble

and everything, you know?

This takeover bid

is irresponsible!

I think the CEO has

lost his mind.

And honestly,

the whole board ought

to get 20 years--

Yeah, right.

Like white guys are

gonna do time.

Man, we'd get that

if we stole a candy bar

from a convenience store.

Hey! You listen to me!

You ain't no man

making jokes about crime.

Ain't no men in prison.

Just corpses don't know

enough to lie down.

Now that is not who

you're gonna be.

I don't care what I gotta do,

you're not going that way.

Do you hear me?

- Yes, ma'am.

I was gonna go steal

candy bars,

but now I won't.

Come here.

Give me some love.

Okay.

That's good.

What?

You got a boyfriend?

What happened?

Just quit yelling.

I'm not yelling!

- Yes, you are! That's yelling.

Shh! Quiet.

- Not so loud.

Do you want to tell us

what happened, Jackie?

I had a bad feeling.

You had a...bad feeling.

I take my feelings

seriously.

So nobody...said

anything or did anything?

No.

I had a bad feeling.

Okay, I'm sorry.

That's it.

I'm outta here.

No, no, wait!

- Wait? Wait for what?

Huh? The alarms?

They're going off!

Dimwit junkie alert!

Whacked out Martha Stewart wannabe.

What the hell

was I thinking?

Seriously, it was

real bad!

Quit pissing

and moaning, people.

It's in your contract.

Section 41:

"Employees will submit

to full random

security searches."

Everyone, everywhere,

every minute.

Let's go.

Come on.

Ma'am?

Thank you.

Come on, let's go.

# I got a woman

with plenty of money #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# Called my baby

late last night #

# She told me, "Daddy,

everything was all right" #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

Hold on.

Thanks.

It's my job.

Right.

Mine, too.

Back to work, then.

# She's all mine,

and I'm so glad #

# She's the best woman

that I've ever had #

# She's all mine,

and I'm so glad #

# She's all mine,

and I'm so glad #

# She's all mine,

and I'm so glad #

Tilt down a little.

Down.

Sorry?

- About 9 degrees.

Zoom in.

What we really need

is thermal imaging.

Amateur.

# Don't have to worry

'cause she's real fine #

# I know my baby

and she's all mine #

# She give me a Cadillac,

a diamond ring #

# She told me, "Daddy, don't

you worry about a thing" #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# Oh, come on, come on #

# She got the money,

and I got the honey #

# Oh, stop your train #

# Oh, stop your train #

# Whoo ooh #

Shh!

Now I've got two reasons

to love control top.

I'm gotta get myself

some boring underpants.

I know.

I bet Victoria never had

this particular secret.

I can't get this in there.

Oh, that hurts.

We've gotta hurry.

Okay, there we go.

Got it?

All right, now everybody

quit smiling. Quit smiling.

Next up?

Ahem.

- Oh.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

How you doing today?

I'm good. You?

I'm...

I'm good.

Good.

Um, you know what?

I think you are

always just...

You're so...

polite.

Next!

What goes around

comes around.

Too true.

Spoken like

a real gentleman.

I don't want to be forward and

this is not the best place to talk--

Mrs. Cardigan!

Oh--

- Step back, please.

I think you

dropped this.

Oh.

Thank you, Mr. Glover.

Everyone, everywhere,

every minute.

Carry on.

I was wondering maybe...

do you like jazz?

What?

Oh. Uh...no.

Sorry.

"Do you like jazz?"

Shut up!

Next!

Okay, wait a second.

Oh, 183.

Can everyone count

to themselves, please?

What's up with all

these one-dollar bills?

I was in a hurry.

We're gonna have to get

this bug worked out.

Only large bills.

Okay. I have $32,000.

- 28.

Damn.

- What?

What's the matter?

If we each give her one,

that leaves a thousand,

which is 333 each.

There's gonna be

a dollar left over.

I might have change.

Keep the change.

# The best things

in life are free #

# But you can give them

to the birds and bees #

Gimme the money, baby!

Let's see mama

making that cash!

# That's what I want #

Don.

Hi.

Wanna lap dance?

# That's what I want #

# That's what I want #

You know something?

I would have thought

you would have been

a whole lot happier.

Oh, forgive me for getting

insufficient kicks

when somebody I'm married to

commits a felony.

Don!

This money doesn't even

officially exist anymore.

That's the beauty

of the whole thing.

Look at it.

It's worn out.

It's gonna be shredded.

So what do we do?

We take some. We spend it.

It goes to another bank.

It's still worn out.

So what do they do?

They pull it

from the system...again!

It's like we're stealing

the same money over and over.

In fact, it's not even

like stealing money at all.

It's more like

recycling.

Oh, recycling!

Yeah, your defense attorney's

gonna love that one, Bridget.

I'm not gonna

get caught.

My God, Don, we're

very careful.

We have signals

and "go" codes.

We have a system here

that works--

Oh, please, God. Tell me you're

not planning on doing this again.

What--what, do you think

I'm stupid?

Of course we're going

to do this again.

At least until we get

out of the hole.

Four or five more times.

Nina gets school paper,

and Jackie, honestly,

I really don't know

what the hell

she is going to do.

You know something?

You've gone insane, Bridget.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes