Made Of Honor Page #2

It's pathetic, it breaks my heart.

I don't know what to say.

You know when someone's making a mistake

and it's not your place to interfer,

You simply say:

"I'm happy you're happy".

- I'm happy you're happy.

- Yeah.

Okay. I'll do that.

I promise you, this is the

last time I'll ask you to come.

And then I'll find somebody else

to come to the next funeral.

Hannah, please.

That's cute.

- Last time.

- Thank you. Thank you.

She gets the appartment in the city,

and 30 grand a month.

Right.

Right, okay.

You get the house in the Hamptons, she's

asking for the appartment in the city,

and 30 grand a month.

- Thirty? But...

Are you still negotiating

a pre-nup?

Now the party starts...

My son is here!

Dad, your getting married in 10 minutes.

Dad, please, I can't breathe.

- Did you bring the lovely Hannah?

- Yes, I did.

You know, if you don't act on that

pretty soon, you know what I'm gonna do?

- No.

- I'm gonna make her my number 6!

Seven...

This is number 6.

- Yeah.

- My God, you are pretty.

Dad!

- I used to be that pretty once.

- Dennis, look how pretty my boy is.

Yeah, he's beatiful. They won't

accept a minimum of 5 times a week.

- She promised 5, I want 5.

- What did she promise you, 5 times a week?

- 4 times?

- Two!

No, no...

We're not done yet.

- She says 3, with a by-monthly BJ.

- This is disturbing.

Wait, no... Driver go around the block.

We are not even close...

What was that?

Come on.

Come on, tell me.

- Say what you gotta say.

- I'm happy, If you're happy.

No, no... "You're

too old for her dad".

"She doesn't love you,

this is embarrasing".

"You're gonna rack up

your fifth divorce".

- Sixth.

- Sixth.

- I'm happy, if you're happy.

- Bullshit!

Go for 4 if you excercise more.

She says you can't gain

any more weight.

- Take it. Deal!

- Deal.

I told her I weigh 10 pounds

more than I do.

- Ain't love grand?

- Sign the both please.

What's he signing now?

His current pre-nup and his last divorce-papers.

That's just great...

Your good. Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Did you tell your dad you love him?

- I told him I cared for him.

You can't even tell your father.

- I don't get that.

- It's a "Guy thing".

No, it's a "Tom thing".

- You're an "I love you-slut".

- Are you kidding me?

You say it all the time.

To everybody.

- Oh, this looks so good.

- Yeah, it looks good doesn't it?

I should have ordered this. this look good.

You always order better than I do.

It's lemon, right? It's good.

I'm ordering that from now on.

- No, you won't.

- Why?

I need you to order the chocolate cake

so I can have some.

- There's my "son"!

- There you go...

Oh, you're bad boy

I'm gonna spank you.

You know what I would like

to say to you? Is that...

- I want you to listen to me, Tom.

- Yeah.

If you need any advice...

- or you need any advice...

- Right.

Or you got girl problems,

I don't know...

I need you to think of me how you

would a real mother.

- Yeah that's excactly what I...

- Look at this beauty, will you?

Hello, Sweety

Drunk as the night I first

met her.

- You are a bad influence on her.

- Me?

- Last shot?

- Thanks.

- I'm stealing you away...

- Last one...

- He does know that he can just date, right?

- No, I don't think he does.

- To mothers.

- To mothers. Cheers.

Careful.

Nice...

Oh God...

Hide me!

- What?

- It's my dads patient cordinator.

Yeah, don't look, don't look...

There... Don't look!

She's obsessed with me.

She's created a website called

"allthingstom.org".

- A Psychoblogger?

- Yes.

Okay. Come on...

Dance with me.

- Watch yourself.

- She's kind of cute.

- Oh stop it.

- I'm serious...

Keep going.

Here. Right here. Hide me.

back side, side. Go, go...

The last blog was a 2 page description

of my face.

See, she doesn't think my nose is too

bent or my lips are too thin.

- Who said that?

- You did. When we met.

- Well, I lied.

- What?

- I thought you were hot.

- Really?

Well, you told me I looked

like a dog.

That was just cause I was

trying to sleep with you.

Why haven't you since?

Well... I like having you

in my life.

- ...

- Hi, Tom!

- Oh, hi!

- Did you see the new blog?

No, we haven't.

- Who's this?

- This? This is my girlfriend.

Why didn't you tell me you

were seeing someone?

Because I don't know you.

But we have a really, really

open relationship...

- Really?

- You know? I wanted to talk to you about that,

- princess.

- Princess?

I... I don't wanna be with

anybody but you.

I don't know if i'm really quite

ready to make that commitment...

- Are you?

- You know my rules...

- I'm bit of an emonitional retard.

- Yeah...

I think I need to start a new blog now.

- That is so scary.

- She's psychotic on top of P..

Oh, this is not good.

- Saia da minha frente.

- Ei!

Okay, good... She's gone.

Perfect. Let's go.

Good, come on.

What?

Do you remember that encestral

home in scotland,

with those amazing paintings

I told you about?

- It's all I think about.

- Stop it, Tom.

I finally got the board to

sign of

on making editions to a

permanent collection.

Really?

But they want me to go to

Scotland for an aquisitionstrip.

- When are you going?

- A couple of days.

- Couple of days? For how long?

- Six weeks.

That's a long time.

- That's great.

- You think?

Yes, it's a great opportunity

for you.

You're like the

"museum maiden of the Met".

It's got a good ring to it...

- Thank you.

- Congratulations.

Six sundays.

- That is six sundays.

- What am I gonna do without you?

I can just imagine.

- Yeah...

- What are you doing?

- I'm gonna jump!

- No, no.

- I'm gonna jump.

- Jesus!

Six sundays,

how can I live without you?

Can you not take

anything seriously?

- Yeah, I can.

- Get down.

- Let's get you another drink.

- I think I've had too many already.

- Thanks for coming too the wedding.

- It was a ball,

- I can't wait for number seven.

- It's coming up soon, I have a feeling.

We also ask at this time that

you turn off all your electronic devices.

Please leave your cellphones turned

off for the duration of the flight.

- I'm not gonna be able to play today, man.

If we don't have a fourth, we are gonna

end up playing with "Tiny-Shorts Guy".

- So?

- Hey, how's it going?

- Need a nother?

- No, our friend Paul,

- with longer shorts, is coming.

- Right.

No, Jenny signed him up

for some art walk thing...

Art walk? Are you serious?

Tell me something,

What do you think Jenny did with his balls

when she cut them off?

Come on, guys,

marriage isn't that bad.

I agree. Without marriage

there would be no divorce,

and without divorce I wouldn't

have my condo in Aspen.

Bingo.

- Good one.

- What is he?

I'm serious, man.

Your missing out on the best parts of life.

- The most important part of life.

- This coming from the guy who's wife

won't let him own porn.

He's gotta wank off

to the underwear section

of the Sears catalougue.

I thought we weren't gonna talk

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