Magic Mike Page #2

-Tsk.

-Good?

Where are you going?

[ALL CHATTERlNG]

Uh, hey,

do you know who's spinning tonight?

Heh, uh....

-No. Sorry.

-All right.

[GlRL CHUCKLES]

Hey, Mike.

Mike.

Sorry, bro.

Hey, Mike.

-Hey, man.

MlKE:
Yo.

-Heh, what's going on?

-What's going on, bro?

-Are you going in?

-Yeah, we're going.

Can l come with you?

Uh....

Pfft, dude, they're never gonna

let you in like that.

Come on. l'd do anything.

Heh, it's not my fault.

l'm just saying they're not gonna do it.

l would do it, but--

l don't think they're going to do it, bro.

All right.

All right?

F***. Okay, dude. Hey.

Um....

You're going to owe me.

-l promise, man--

-l mean, owe me.

No questions asked, owe me.

Anything.

Take your hood off. Try to look a little

more-- Tuck your f***ing shirt in.

You got to not wear tennis shoes, bro.

George, dude, l got one.

l'm sorry. l know, l know.

Thanks, bro. l owe you.

ADAM:

Sorry, man. These are the only shoes l got.

[POP MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKER]

Hey, baby, mwah.

Can we borrow one of these?

Thank you. Grab one.

ADAM:

ls it free?

Don't worry, man, you're gonna earn

your keep.

So l got us a new recruit.

Ladies, meet the Kid. Portia, Ruby.

GlRLS:

Hey.

ADAM:

Heh, hey.

What are we thinking? Yes, no, maybe?

-Oh, yeah. The cougars will eat him up.

-Yeah?

That's a quality endorsement, my friend.

What do you guys do?

[GlRLS CHUCKLE]

-What?

-Come here. Come here.

Any time a girl tells you

her name starts with a flower...

...a car or a stone,

don't bother asking what she does.

You know what l'm saying?

All right, l ain't got that much time,

so l'm calling in my favor, all right?

Okay.

You see the girl with the tiara thing

and the sash?

[GlRLS TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]

ADAM:
Yeah.

MlKE:
Go talk to her.

What do you want me to say?

l don't care. Have you never talked

to a girl before? Just go talk to her.

Be creative.

She does not look like she wants

to be bothered.

Look at what she's wearing.

She came here tonight to be bothered.

Go bother her.

You want to be inside or outside?

lnside.

l'll come save you in a minute.

Get out of here.

l'm getting wasted tonight

if we could get a drink.

GlRL:

l know.

She's, like, ignoring the whole side

of this bar.

-Hey.

-Hey, Carla.

Um, oh....

Yo, man. Watch out, you're going to knock

my girlfriend.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, what the f*** are you gonna do?

-Uh, hi. Do l know you?

-Hi.

Uh, no. l'm, uh...

l didn't know that l had a boyfriend,

but thank you for that.

Um, all the guys here are f***ing obnoxious.

-Thanks for that.

-Heh.

Who do we have to f***

to get a f***ing drink?

Uh, me, please?

-You'd like that, wouldn't you?

-Uh, yes, l would.

We've been standing around here

for quite a while, and l'm 21 .

-lt's true.

-And l can't get drunk.

-You're 21 ?

-Yes.

Happy 21st. l'd buy you guys a shot if l--

-Don't worry about it.

-lt's fine.

Oh, Adam.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-l'm Liz. Hi.

-Hi, Liz.

What do you say, baby boy?

You want one?

l can't find anybody to take

these. Y'all want them?

-Perfect. We can't drink them all ourselves.

-Whoo.

Uh, here's to, um, our children.

May they have rich f***ing parents, heh.

Heh, absolutely.

[COUGHS]

MlKE:
Yes. Okay.

-Whoo.

-What, you guys go to USF?

-Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

-So it's summer break, correct?

-That's right.

-Whoo.

And if l'm not mistaken,

that says "21 ," right?

l am 21 , yes.

-Then why the f*** isn't she throwing up?

-Whoo.

-We can't get drinks.

LlZ:
Ha, ha.

You can't get drinks? That's no excuse.

That's a bad friend you got.

l'm not a bad friend.

-You are a bad friend.

-l'm trying.

CARLA:

You are a bad friend.

See? You heard it from her.

l'm just saying.

-What are you guys planning on doing tonight?

-Ha, ha.

Wouldn't you like to know?

MlKE:
Actually, l would, to be totally honest.

-Ha, ha.

lf you like to get a wee bit crazy,

why don't you come down and see the show?

CARLA:
Are you serious? Wow.

MlKE:
As a f***ing heart attack.

We have a lot of friends here.

Can they come too?

MlKE:
How many?

CARLA:
Eight or nine?

MlKE:

That's perfect, actually.

Hand them these. Tell them

they get in free at the door.

Okay. Maybe we'll come.

No. That's not a commitment.

Maybe we'll come,

if your little friend here comes too.

ADAM:
Me?

-Oh, "little friend."

That's an easy if,

because he will be there.

-He's absolutely gonna be there.

-l will?

LlZ:

Then we'll be there too.

All right. The show starts in 45 minutes.

You can make it in 45 minutes?

-You're going to come. You swear?

-Yeah, we promise.

ADAM:
Dude. You're a f***ing stripper?

MlKE:
Ha-ha-ha.

l swear, l thought you were going

to sh*t the bed, but you, heh, actually did it.

Ah, l feel like l owe you.

l can throw you 1 00 bucks...

...tip you out at the end of the night...

-...if you really want to host.

ADAM:
Host what?

MlKE:

Yeah. No, for sure.

-l hope you're ready for this sh*t.

-Ha, ha.

[WOMEN WHOOPlNG]

WOMAN:

Who's your friend, Mike?

[WOMEN LAUGHlNG]

MlKE:
This is the owner. Jesus.

DALLAS:
Whoo.

F***ing Valhalla sh*t, man, mwah.

You see that sh*t, Mike?

Chicks are gonna go f***ing crazy

over this, man.

l'm thinking of giving this routine

to Tarzan, unless you want it.

MlKE:
No. lt's not my style, but, uh,

somebody should do it. lt's cool.

-Oh, it's f***ing really good, heh.

MlKE:
Mm-hm.

Ah, who's this?

This is the Kid. Uh, he wrangled, like,

nine sorority girls for us tonight...

...so l figured

he could help out around here tonight.

DALLAS:

How old are you?

-Uh, nineteen.

DALLAS:
Nineteen.

-The f*** am l supposed to do with that?

MlKE:
Oh, come on. He don't look 1 9.

l can't have him host.

Can't have a 1 9-year-old

on the f***ing street.

Then he can do props, can't he?

-l can do anything.

-We're setting up our own sh*t as it is.

All right. Props.

You're on props tonight.

Do whatever Mikey tells you,

any of the guys tell you.

Clean the f***ing toilets, whatever.

Tonight. And listen up.

-This is not a f***ing joke.

-Heh.

DALLAS:
All right? lt's not a f***ing hobby.

This is a serious business l'm running.

So the last thing l need

is a teenage liability f***ing my future up.

-Don't try it. Yeah.

DALLAS:
Capiche?

TARZAN:
One thing about Waffle House p*ssy

is you got to worry about the teeth.

Waffle House p*ssy?

l hate Waffle House p*ssy, heh.

[ALL CHUCKLlNG]

Everybody, this is the Kid.

Y'all can thank me later.

He's going to help us out tonight.

This is Big Dick Richie, Ken, Tito

and Tarzan.

TARZAN:

Whoa, l get it.

Just tell him what props you need.

l'll help him set them up later.

And, uh, yeah. Have fun.

Make yourself at home, Kid.

There you go, bro.

[MEN GlBBERlNG]

-No, thanks, man.

-No?

-No. l'm good.

-Suit yourself.

You handed it to me like the Hindenburg.

-How long you been on the force?

-What?

The police. How long you been a cop?

l'm not a cop, man.

RlCHlE:

Ha, ha, just f***ing with you. Sit down.

Come on, man, sit down.

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