Magic Mike Page #5

[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]

[GlNUWlNE'S "PONY"

PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

Did you see your sister tonight?

ADAM:
See my sister? What do you mean?

-Yeah.

Your sister was there.

No, she wasn't.

Yeah, she was there during your act.

You talked to my sister?

l talked to your sister as you were

dry-humping a girl, yes.

My sister saw me dance?

Heh, yeah, we were actually laughing.

l had a pretty good laugh about it.

-Oh, heh, wow. F***.

-Ha, ha.

She did not look happy.

Did you tell her to come?

l told her. l didn't think she'd f***ing come.

Jeez.

Well, she did. l don't know how long

she stayed for, but it was, uh....

-She, ha, ha, looked pissed.

-Ha, ha, oof.

How much money did you make tonight?

-How much money?

-Yeah.

Like 230.

Two-thirty? That's good, man.

Oh, by the way, l got this for you.

Uh, just for gas and sh*t.

-Get the--

-Ha, ha.

Are you kidding me?

Keep your money. lt's fine.

-You drive me around.

-l can pay for my own gas.

lt's fine. Thank you, though.

lt was a really sweet gesture. l appreciate it.

Thank you.

MlKE:

That's a beautiful necklace.

-ls that vintage?

-Oh, l, um....

No, it's.... No, it's, heh....

My sister got it for me, ha, ha

from Target, l think.

Um, tsk, SBA, yes, uh....

Name and Social.

Absolutely. Michael Lane.

...brought the funds

for my down payment.

-Yes. Yeah, heh.

-Heh.

Okay.

All right.

We seem to have a credit issue, Mr. Lane.

Your score is--

Right. l, uh, actually...

-...heh, l talked to Mr. Rodriguez last week.

-Oh.

As l was explaining to him, the businesses

that l manage deal exclusively in cash.

He said you would forego the credit check

if l brought in a healthy down payment.

lt should be noted in there.

He said he was going to put it in.

Absolutely.

Um, you are currently the manager

of an automotive accessories business?

Mm-hm, absolutely. And an event-management

company, a roofing firm, heh.

Honestly, the list goes on.

-Wow, you're a busy guy.

-Ha, ha. Yeah.

Lucky to be.

So, what kind of rates am l looking at?

There are ways to clear these credit issues

up over time, but--

Oh, my God, l haven't even told you, heh,

what l'm here for. l really apologize.

This is what l do.

Right here.

Michael Lane Custom Furniture Concepts.

lt's competitive pricing. Low overhead.

l mean, really, who wants to buy

that crap when it falls apart in a year...

...when you can get hand-crafted furniture

for a bargain?

-You know what l mean?

-Yeah.

Unfortunately, Mr. Lane,

my hands are tied.

The company has a policy

that we cannot issue loans...

...to clients who score below

our credit threshold.

l can absolutely understand

where you're coming from.

Uh, you know, you hit buttons and you think

that you know something about me.

l get it. That's okay. lt's okay.

All, uh, l'm asking for is a good deal.

Please, can you help me with that?

l mean, we do offer relief programs...

...for our qualified distressed clients,

so that--

l'm sorry. What?

lt's a relief program, so--

Distressed? l'm distressed?

WOMAN:
No. No, not like that.

-Heh.

Sweetheart, listen. lt's okay. lt's fine.

Does this look distressed?

l don't think so, one.

Two, l read the papers, okay?

The only thing's that distressed is y'all.

[DOOR BELL RlNGlNG]

[BROOKE SlGHS]

BROOKE:

You can't get the door?

[SlNGlNG "HAPPY BlRTHDAY"

AS MARlLYN MONROE]

Happy birthday

Mrs. Pres--

[TOOTS HORN]

BROOKE:

Oh.

Adam, it's for you.

Happy, heh, Birthday, heh, pfft.

Ha, ha. Come on. Let's go. Sandbar party.

Fourth of July, nuts-on-your-head

wake-up call, let's go. Come on.

No, no, no. You are coming too.

Don't even try.

l'm going to go to bed.

lt's 7 in the morning.

"Oh, it's 7 in the morning.

l hate fun."

Jesus Christ, you better have

some epic plans...

...if you're gonna turn your back

on a sandbar party.

What did l tell you?

-Paradise.

-Heh.

Yeah. Paradise. Marooned on an island

with all the strippers in Tampa.

How did l get so lucky?

The best Fourth of July ever, heh.

l literally was just thinking...

-...that in my head, like just now.

-Ha, ha.

Get out of my head.

MlKE:
Oh, sh*t. Yo.

-Hey.

-What are you doing here?

-You know me. Always making new friends.

-Good to see you.

-You too. How are you?

l'm good. Uh, this is, um, Brooke.

-Hi.

-Oh, hey.

Brooke, uh, Joanna.

-Nice to meet you.

-You too. l like your bikini.

Thank you. You too.

-ls that a tattoo?

-Yeah.

What does it say?

-Oh, uh, it just says l was 1 7, and....

JOANNA:
Ha, ha.

Yeah.

lt's crazy.

Yeah. Uh, so l know, uh, Joanna from the club.

Uh, she came up--

She studied psychology

and she came up to do, uh....

What's the thing you

came up to do?

Behavior analysis.

Right. She was analysizing our behavior,

apparently.

That must have been, uh,

really enlightening.

lt actually was. You know, l go a few times

a week, if you want to come with us.

She is actually the Kid's brother.

l mean, sister.

-Yeah, heh. Ha, ha.

-Right. Ahem.

-ls that a tattoo over there too?

-Yeah.

She has tattoos. You want a drink?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah?

-lt was nice to meet you.

-lt was nice to meet you too.

She's cute. What? l don't normally like

blonds, but she's really cute.

Yeah, but she's not really our type.

You know what l'm saying?

You're not into her?

No, that's not what l'm saying.

l'm saying she's a little uptight.

We're f***ing her,

not taking her to dinner.

lt's not gonna happen.

-She's a dinner type, is what l'm trying to say.

-Oh.

Okay, if you decide you want to share...

...and change your mind and put some

effort into it, you know my number.

Besides, you know how much l love to eat.

Yes, l will.

Obviously you don't like head.

[ALL CHATTERlNG]

l started cheating in the seventh grade

just to entertain myself.

Finished high school, but if l could do it

all over again...

...l wouldn't have even gone. No way.

BROOKE:

You don't believe in school at all?

l think f*** school altogether.

When l have a kid,

l'm going to set him in front of the TV...

...and make him watch Mad Money all day.

Teach him about the stock market.

Get him into Ameritrade

and sh*t like that.

l guarantee you by the time he's 1 8,

that little f***er's gonna be flush in cash.

RlCHlE:
Boo-yah!

-Heh.

-l don't know why more people don't do that...

DALLAS:
Hm?

...just from an investment standpoint.

That's the state of the country, man.

America. People. Stupid.

l hope l get to meet your kids someday.

DALLAS:

Tsk, Oh, no problem.

Come visit anytime

in one of our three cool houses, dear.

[CHUCKLES]

MlKE:
Hey, if you want, l could probably

get Dallas' number for you.

He's starting

this new life-coaching business...

[BROOKE LAUGHlNG]

...that l really do think you might benefit

from personally.

l mean, l saw the connection

between the two of you.

What? l'm sorry.

Right? So you felt it too?

What? Just, what?

What would his kids even look like?

They'd be running around

in little rattlesnake diapers and sh*t.

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