Magic Mike XXL Page #2

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a healthy mobile block party.

It's crazy, right?

We'll keep your feet loose

and satisfy your sweet tooth.

That's actually

a pretty F***in' good idea.

Yeah.

Appreciate that, Mike.

Yeah. Good show.

Money can buy you silks and sable

False religion,

fame and fable

Is this, uh, is this

how the whole trip is gonna be?

You're gonna... you're gonna be

on this thing the whole time?

Are you kidding?

Relax.

I got a bunch of orders

just came in.

All the guys at the shop

are just freaking out.

If you're gonna be here,

be here, man.

Be present.

Okay.

I'll... be present.

Money

Said money

What are you even doing?

Narcissus is taking pics

of his eyebrows.

Yeah.

You zoom in.

You find the sh*t

you can't catch in the mirror.

See? Look.

I need a Tweeze right there.

Sh*t works.

Mike, come on, man.

All right.

Relax.

Yo.

All right.

That's it.

What are you... yo!

What the f*** are you doing?

IPhone went "bye, phone."

Are you serious right now?

Buy another one, you rich motherf***er.

Turn the f***ing truck around.

No. Keep driving.

How do you like that,

b*tch?

Oh, I welcome it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That wasn't my phone.

It was mine.

Oh.

F***. I'm sorry. F***!

I had like seven minutes left

on it, man.

Here.

Have a shake.

I don't want

a f***ing shake.

What...

What am I supposed to do?

I should chuck your big ass

right off this f***ing truck.

That's the Mikey I remember!

Look, if you ain't ready

to bring it old school

this weekend,

then you need to hop the f*** up

off this food truck right now.

What the f***

are you even talking about?

Why do you think I came

this weekend?

I don't know, man.

It's been a long time.

But I do know this.

You better be ready to follow

my ass

down the rabbit hole, brother.

I'm talking out of body, baby.

Astral projection!

Tobias,

we're going to mad Mary's.

Hell, yeah!

Oh, sh*t.

Nobody... nobody messes with the

mojo on the last ride, brother.

Whoo!

Hot, hot, hot, hot

Come on.

Hot, hot, hot, hot

Oh

Hot, hot, hot

Hey, you guys remember the

last time we were in this club

and you... you...

You and Ken

were f***ing with

those two girls from the club?

What... what was the girl

with the black hair's name?

I don't f***ing know.

How am I supposed to

remember that?

What?!

I don't know.

You don't f***ing remember

that?

Man, you are f***ing dusty.

Julie. Julie, man!

The barely legal paralegal.

Here we go, man.

It's getting late.

Hot stuff

Yeah.

Bonjour, lovelies.

How are all y'all

nasty motherfuckers doing

out there tonight?

Doing great! Yeah!

Yes.

That's the ticket, miss thing.

Now, I am miss Tori Snatch,

your host

for this glamorous evening

of good ole swamp country

debauchery.

And I've got some good news

for some of y'all budding queens

hiding out there in the shadows.

I've got four crumpled-up,

coke-dusted $100 bills

for the best amateur queen

here in Jacksonville!

Yes.

So let's get some vogue popping

in this b*tch, shall we?

Come on now.

Young and old, hot and cold...

Get your ass on this stage.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

You guys really want to go down

the rabbit hole?

Isn't that what you said?

So you were listening.

Okay. All right. All right.

All right.

I'm gonna go dig it for you,

Alice.

Let's see how far

you're really willing to go.

Uh-oh.

Oh, sh*t.

All right. Come on.

Let's go. Let's go.

Mikey.

Oh, it's on!

That's the plan.

I mean, take over south beach,

then the entire east coast.

F***ing mobile.

You know, low-overhead,

high-revenue sh*t.

That's how you get flush

in the food industry.

F***, yeah. What is this?

It's really good.

Oh, Goddamn right, what is this?

Jeez.

F***.

What am I eating right now?

- You like that, Mike?

- That's gold, right?

This is amazing.

It's toasted marshmallow

tangerine.

Whatever it is,

it's fabulous.

Put marshmallow in my pants

right now.

This is...

You gotta sell this.

Mike, tip of the iceberg,

baby.

We got Kiwi olive oil

with freeze-dried basil,

crme brule... and my personal

favorite, the flavor of truth.

Come on, man. You've been

talking about this sh*t forever.

Why don't you tell

everybody here

what you're really gonna

be doing come Monday morning.

Grinding those snow cones

at the Northdale Mall.

Yeah. Well, that's just

for market research, b*tch.

Till we get the funds

to do what we really need.

That's all it is, bro.

F***ing hater.

Besides, I think it beats raking

the infield at Tropicana.

Well, at least the sh*t

I'm working on can go global.

What?

- Wait. What?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

What?

Why don't you enlighten us,

constant gardener?

Yeah, please...

Please enlighten me.

I have to know what this, like,

piece of genius is.

Shamwow us

with your ingenious invention.

Come on, rich, man.

Tito laid his sh*t out.

Everybody's cool.

Just tell us.

It's us, bro.

Just tell us, man.

Come on. Let's go.

Let's go. Come on.

All right.

But if any of you motherfuckers

steals my idea,

I swear to God I will...

Why you got to point

at the f***ing Mexican

when you say "steals," dude?

We get it.

Just... just go.

Let's have it, tough guy.

Condomints.

What are the two most important

things you need to take with you

when you go out on the weekend?

Ketchup and mustard?

Your condoms and your mints.

Oh, my... what?

I put them together in one

package, like a pack of gum.

Sell it at a gas station.

"Condomints."

It's not bad.

Boom!

Um, they... they already

have that sh*t, b*tch.

You can get it.

I get it all the time

at the minimart.

I'm sorry.

They're at every single circle k

and 7-Eleven across Florida.

I'm so sorry, man.

Hey, Richie, they didn't

sign the nondisclosure, man.

Sorry about it.

Hey, Richie,

don't worry about it.

I got something for you...

Top secret, man.

Imagine this.

A small, little rectangle. Okay?

You hold it up to your ear,

you speak into it,

somebody in a distant land

with the exact same thing

can hear it.

I just haven't come up with

a name for it.

I was figuring...

F***... you.

I'm so sorry, man.

Oh, God.

Hey, I forgot to ask you...

You still with Mercedes?

No.

We agreed to try monogamy,

and you know Mercedes.

That sh*t lasted

for about two seconds.

Wow. That f***ing sucks.

I'm sorry.

Ah, it's like Oprah said,

man...

"when someone shows you

themselves, believe them."

What? Really?

Really? I... okay. Yeah, really.

That's what she said.

Are we doing

this passive-aggressive sh*t?

Okay. Fine. That's not

passive-aggressive, that's Oprah.

Let's f***ing make it

aggressive.

How about this? Let's do

a little therapy session here.

Old-school...

Old-school therapy session.

Get up. Let's go. We're gonna

get this out in one swing.

Are we f***ing primates now, man?

Come on.

Get it out in one hit and let's

not talk about it anymore.

I get it. You're mad that... that I f***ing

left. This is seriously f***ing stupid.

Come on, baby.

Let's go. Right here.

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