Major League II Page #5

or a spiritual thing...

or a psychological thing!

Or a heart attack!

Who used heart attack?

Me.

Hey!

Doctors say I got

to take some time off,

so I want you to manage the team

for the rest of the year.

You got to be kidding, Lou.

I don't have any experience

managing.

Ah, you're one of the smartest players

I ever coached.

Guys all look up to you.

Tell Dorn

you'll take the job.

Look on

the bright side-

things couldn't get

anyworse.

Hey, guys.

I got some good news

for you.

This morning

at 9:
10 a. m...

I activated myself.

What you doin'? Schoup.

Hey.

What is this?

Que es eso?

Buddha, samurai, OK.

Peaceful inside.

Outside, warrior.

I love you, man.

I love you too much.

You know,

you have no...

you have no...

marbles!

Marbles?

Marbles! You have no marbles!

Hey, relax.

Marbles?

Marbles!

Hello, Tribe fans.

Welcome back

to major league baseball...

sort of.

Paid attendance today is...

1,412.

Some of them

were driven away

by that little 10-run 1st inning

the Red Sox put up.

Take over, Monte.

I'm in the bag.

Me?

Fly ball...

caught.

I can't believe we gotta play

a doubleheader.

Let's get going.

Come on, let's get something started.

It's okay, Pedro.

The guy made a great play.

Tough luck, man.

Come on. Look alive.

Uh-uh-uh, Vaughn,

shouldn't you get

to the bull pen?

Right now?

Yeah.

There's still somebody

in the bleachers.

Who cares?

Go on. Get out there.

Fan:
Hey, Vile Thing!

I think I loathe you!

You didn't think I'd abandon you,

did you, Vaughn?

You human piece

of cow flop!

You big steaming pile

of mastodon dung!

Bring out

the pooper-scooper!

You bush-league,

no-talent,

flash-in-the-pan

choke artist!

Huh?

Hey, where you going, Vaughn?

Huh? You looking

for your Terminator?

Yeah, you go back

in there, Vaughn.

Hey, didn't I say

go to the bull pen?

We're down by 10 runs.

You can still

get some work in.

I've had enough

of that maniac out there.

Ow!

Time!

Ball hit him!

First base!

Hayes,

go run for Rube.

My leg's hurtin'.

I'll run.

Rube's hurting worse than you.

Now get in there.

Gutless wonder

doesn't have to pitch.

Why should I have to run?

Who you calling a gutless wonder,

tin man?

I got a genuine

leg injury here, pal.

That limp's the best acting

you've done all year.

At least I don't have

some cover girl

dragging me around

by myjohnson.

What are you guys doing?

This isn't nice.

Don't touch me. Don't-

I'll show you a fight.

Come on!

I'll take on

the whole team!

You don't know

how to fight!

You wusses!

Wake up, Harry.

Look.

My God...

Good news, fans.

The Indians are showing

signs of life

for the first time

in weeks.

In fact,

they appear to be

beating the crap

out of each other.

It looks like

Willie Hayes

is trying to hit

RickVaughn.

And why not? Everybody else

in the league does.

He swings and misses.

It looks like Vaughn's

carrying his left a little low.

This could hurt him

in the later rounds.

So, what do we do?

Toss 'em, I guess.

The whole team?

Yeah.

Alright,

you're outta here!

All of ya!

Well, it's not broken,

But you'll have to stay off it

for a couple days.

Lucky son of a gun.

At least you ain't

got to hang around

to play the second game,

right?

Hey, Willie.

Willie!

I can't believe

you said that.

Sh*t!

I talked

to a downtown boy

in the bleachers

the other day.

He said the most grass

he's seen in his whole life

is the patch we play on

every day.

We're in the goldarn

major leagues, boys.

I don't know about you, but I've waited

mywhole life to get here.

And I'll be damned

if I'm going to act

like my best pig died

just because we ain't doin' so good.

I love to play baseball,

and I'll bet somewhere along

the liney'all did, too.

I'm ready to play ball

if you need me.

My dad figured I wouldn't

amount to much

except... well, I never

came up with anything,

but I can play ball

a little,

and playing ball

is better

than what most people

do for a living.

Just put me in someplace.

Bottom of the 9th,

Cleveland down 1-0.

Nowbatting... number 11,

Rube Baker.

Baker at the plate.

He's 0 for...

I don't know.

Who cares?

The pitch...

Baker swings and sends

a real screamer toward short.

Rapp up with it,

fires to first,

and Baker beats it

with a head-first slide.

So the Indians

have a runner.

I think

I'll wet my pants.

Way to hustle,

Rube!

Let me run for him.

You sure?

And Taylor is going

to send in Hayes to run.

Thanks. Thanks, dude.

Went to see his movie,

but it was only out two hours.

I was told, however,

that it was in focus.

Hayes getting his lead.

Canatella checks him...

and Hayes is going.

Here's the throw.

He slides...

He's safe!

Yes!

Hayes steals second.

Glad to see he remembered

where it was.

Hayes out to a good lead

at second.

Canatella comes set.

Pick-off play-

Hayes takes off!.

He's going for third!

He's in there!

Hayes is beginning to look

like the player of old,

and the Indians have

something going here.

Canatella up

on the rubber again

as Hayes gets

a walking lead.

Canatella winds...

Hayes is going

to steal home!

He's safe!

So Hayes has stolen three in a row

to tie the game.

Mr. Larceny is back.

Nnn...

Jake,

Cerrano

wants to bat.

OK.

Get in there.

Go, Pedro!

Hey, Willie.

Nowbatting... number 13,

Pedro Cerrano.

Cerrano's going

to pinch-hit here,

and he's not taking

any practice swings.

He's either ready to hit,

or he's afraid he might

kill some gnats.

Hey, Pedro,

how you doing?

Shut up.

Canatella delivers.

Cerrano swings,

and it's a long drive

to deep left field,

way back.

Packer to the wall...

This ball is...

Gone!

And the Indians

finallywin one!

Oh, well.

It's only one win.

Even they

can't lose them all.

Listen, Meg,

I'm thinking of coming to L.A.

I don't know if Rick and I

are good for each other right now.

The team's

showing some life,

but his E.R.A's over 6,

and he can't get it

back on track.

It's depressing.

Serious with Vaughn?

He's a lot offun,

but I need someone

with a little more class.

My shrinkwas sick.

Meg, I'll call you back.

Hey.

You know, Ricky,

breaking up

with a girlfriend

can be a very

painful thing,

but it don't have to

keep you down for long.

Let me tell you something

from my own personal experience.

I- I never had a regular

girlfriend like you,

but I did get kicked

in the balls once by a mule.

Now, I thought I'd be hurting

for the rest of my life.

But you know what happened

the very next week?

What?

My mama died.

Hell, after that, I didn't care

no more about my balls hurtin'.

You see what

I'm getting at?

Alright.

Who led the Confederate forces

in the battle

of Gettysburg?

Wild Thing!

Can I talk to you

for a second?

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

I was wondering if you wanted

to get a pizza.

I don't know.

Um, this is my last class.

But... now?

I don't know, Nikki.

Nothing I try

seems to work anymore.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes