Major Movie Star Page #4

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- Yes, First Sergeant.

Now, fall out. Give me a formation!

Sorry. Normally I have an assistant

to take care of stuff like that.

Give me a break.

I swear, Valentine, when we find your rifle,

I'm gonna staple it to your head.

Halt! Halt! Halt! What now, Valentine?

I really... I really have to go. Number...

I see.

Valentine needs to lay some cable.

And probably gonna need

a little tissue, too, right?

- Thank you.

- Well, you just go right over there.

- Take your sweet little time, okay?

- Okay.

- We'll be right here waiting.

- Okay, okay.

Valentine? When you get back,

three more miles for everyone.

Go. Go.

Two steps forward.

Right foot crosses behind the left.

Sit down. Aim. Fire.

Now, lock and load.

Sorry.

You could be court-martialed

for that, Private. Get up!

- Off my firing platform.

- Sorry.

Come on now. I ain't got all day.

Move it, move it, move it.

Come on, Hollywood.

- Disgraceful. Lazy bum.

- Please. Somebody call my stunt double.

- She lives for this stuff.

- Hollywood!

You just earned three miles for everyone.

Valentine, I don't wanna feed

into stereotypes,

but I don't swim, and this is more water

than I can drink, so move it.

- Jeter, show them how it's done.

- No problem, First Sergeant.

- All right.

- Come on, Jeter.

- Come on, Jeter.

- Oh, my God.

- Who's a hero? Who's a hero?

- Oh, my God. Why did you do that?

A mosquito was piercing

through your helmet.

You should be thanking me.

- Well, thank you, b*tch.

- No!

All right, Private.

Who you leaving now, a**hole?

Who you leaving now?

- He's dead, Jeter.

- Who're you...

He's dead.

- Let's see what you've got, Valentine.

- I'm sorry. What's my motivation?

That's it. That's it.

What... What are you doing, Valentine?

Are you trying to force a discharge?

No.

Drop and give me 20. Everybody! Right now!

- What? Now everyone here hates me?

- That's just it, Valentine.

There's 30 of us here

and all we keep hearing about is you.

It's not only about you.

- Valentine.

- What?

- Listen up, poopy-pants.

- This is gonna be good.

Now, I don't give a sh*t who you are

or why you're here.

But I gave up my rank as sergeant

to make the worst mistake of my life.

So I'm here to get my stripes back.

But if I have to run one more extra mile

or do one more extra push-up,

because your lazy, pampered ass

can't keep up,

you're gonna have to answer to these.

Look at this. Look at this bed. See this?

We're all gonna end up paying for that.

Because Miss "I Wish I Was Glenn Close"

can't make her bed.

Well, tonight, when you're sleeping

in those steel wool linens,

keep one eye open.

I'm sorry, okay?

I told you guys, I don't wanna be here.

You know what? Save it.

Meanie.

Come on, last turn.

- Twenty-four.

- Twenty-five.

- Twenty-six.

- Twenty-seven.

- Valentine!

- What?

I see the air force looking at me

I see the air force looking at me

I told you guys, I am not a soldier.

I'm an actress. I am America's Sweetheart.

Right now you're America's pain in the ass.

Valentine. Valentine!

- Are you all right?

- Thank you, Sergeant.

Hey, that whole yelling thing,

that's just a part of the job, right?

I mean, you're not like that at home

or anything, are you?

I don't do heights.

Yeah, okay, if I'm gonna be up that high,

I'm gonna need to be on something.

- Where's Hamamori?

- Hey. Medicinal purposes.

Okay, guys, this is fine.

We just take step by step. Level by level.

- We can do this.

- We can work as a team.

The point is to get to the top,

not to talk around the bottom.

Let's go, Valentine. Move!

- All right, let's go, princess.

- Get there. Good job.

- Valentine. I swear... I swear to God.

- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

- That was fun.

- Yeah, for you. Your ass was in my face.

Disgraceful, Castillo.

I so wish I was in a gang right now

so I could... I could shank her.

There's something about her

that's so familiar to me.

My heart is beating outside my chest.

Castillo, you're the doctor. Put it back in.

- You're a doctor?

- Are you talking to me?

- Is she talking to me?

- Castillo.

No, no, no. She can't afford medical school.

That's why she's here.

Military's gonna help her pay.

So is that why you're here, Petrovich?

To go to college?

No. My brother Paul died

serving in Afghanistan.

I'm here for him. I wanna make him proud.

I did that?

Platoon! What is the most important rule

of field combat?

Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant!

- What is it?

- Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant!

Hollywood!

- I will never be without my rifle.

- I will never be without my rifle.

- You will what?

- I will never be without my rifle.

- I can't hear you.

- I will never be without my rifle.

- Little bit louder.

- I will never be without my rifle.

- There you go.

- I can't. I can't...

You're a disgrace, Valentine. Get up!

You mark my words.

You will let these people down.

Private Valentine, you're dismissed.

Move out!

You will all do 10 more minutes

to make up for Valentine's failure.

- Can I ask you something, Valentine?

- Lf you promise not to yell it.

You have the kind of success

that other people can only dream about.

But you approach everything you do

like you're gonna fail. I don't get that.

- I'm not you and I'm not your grandmother.

- It's just a figure of speech.

My grandmother lives

in a retirement home down in Florida.

And the truth is

I almost didn't make it through Basic.

When your dad's a General,

you stick out a little.

Actually, a lot. It becomes a sport.

Who can break the General's kid?

But you made it. Good for you.

It's been this sergeant's experience

that every soldier that makes it through

ends up finding they have

much more inside themselves

than they ever thought possible.

- You think that's true for me?

- No.

Yes. I do.

I will never be without my rifle.

I will never be without my rifle.

I will never be without my rifle.

I will never be without my rifle.

- I can't hear you. You what?

- I will never be without my rifle.

I will never be without my rifle.

- I need it a little bit louder.

- I will never be without my rifle.

Private Valentine. You were dismissed.

First Sergeant, dismissed decided

to not let her platoon down.

- You owe me one, Valentine.

- Yes, First Sergeant.

- I will never be without my rifle.

- I will never be without my rifle.

- One more time.

- I will never be without my rifle.

You what?

- Twenty-four.

- Twenty-five.

- Twenty-six.

- Twenty-seven.

Twenty-eight.

I'm adjusting your strike.

- Don't hurt yourself, Valentine.

- Okay. You're driving me crazy.

- Move over. This goes over...

- No, no. Castillo.

Castillo, I can do it on my own.

- Nice to see you relaxing, Jeter.

- 298, 299...

- Just finished 300 Kegels, First Sergeant.

- Kegels? 300?

- Well, then by all means, at ease, Private.

- Shake it off. Shake it off.

Aside from Jeter,

this is the worst excuse for a platoon

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