Major Movie Star Page #5

---

these gorgeous eyes have ever seen.

What the hell is that?

Whose rifle is this?

It's mine, First Sergeant.

Hollywood, what is your rifle doing

out of the rack?

Rifle wanted to cuddle, First Sergeant.

We made up.

Getting cute again, Valentine?

Well, let me tell you what I think is cute.

You on the floor with a toothbrush

scrubbing down the filthy latrine.

That'll be one clean, mean, fighting latrine,

First Sergeant.

It better be.

Why did you do that?

I can't stand it when she treats you like that.

I know. I can't help it.

Something happens and I just freeze.

I don't know what to do.

Who's the toughest, meanest,

craziest person you can think of?

- Joe Pesci?

- Perfect.

So next time she comes up to you like that,

all you have to do is channel Pesci.

- You wanna try it?

- Yeah.

Okay.

Baby girl, you gonna cry? Huh?

You gonna cry? You gonna cry?

No, no, no. Don't cry. Don't cry.

You're not supposed to cry.

- What would Pesci do?

- I don't know.

This is what Pesci would do.

Do I look like a fricking clown to you?

Do I amuse you?

- Try it.

- Okay.

Do I look like a clown to you?

Do I amuse you?

What are you laughing at?

You'll get it. Just keep practicing.

Ladies, I have a latrine to clean.

What are you looking at?

- That was cool what you did for Petrovich.

- Thanks.

- Hey, Johnson, can I ask you something?

- Do I have a choice?

- You really couldn't get a job?

- I can get a job, just not a good one.

Technology is changing every day

and I need to go back to school

and, of course, I can't afford it.

Times are tough.

But the military's gonna give me a job,

train me in my field.

And, damn it, I will make a better life

for me and my daughter.

Daughter?

Yeah.

My family really helped me out

after her father died. All this is for her.

I have a niece about the same age.

I don't really know her, though.

My sister and I kind of drifted apart

when my whole acting career started.

It's like we live in different worlds now,

you know.

Family's too important

to let it slip away, Valentine.

If I can get away just once

just to be with my daughter, I'd jump on it.

'Cause in the end, they're all you've got.

Why are you being like this?

You know that they just give us

a 10-minute card.

Ray. Ray?

- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

Come on.

It's just my stupid boyfriend, Ray.

He knows that I'm here for med school.

Yet, every time I talk to him,

he keeps telling me

that he doesn't know if he could wait

and how all these hot girls

are hitting on him all the time.

At least they're girls.

Never mind.

Listen, Castillo. You need to take

a good look at yourself in the mirror.

You're hot. And medical school, to boot?

If he wants all of this,

he needs to straighten up and fly right.

Here. Take mine.

Call Ray and tell him

that he's lucky to have you.

'Cause he is.

"Dear Delores.

"Let me start by saying thank you

for the great job you do.

"I never realized how hard it is

taking care of me.

"If you wouldn't mind,

I would love some help

"with a little investigating.

Can you google Louisa Morley?"

Here you go.

Johnson. Two for you, sweetheart.

Petrovich. One for you, baby girl.

And Valentine.

- Fan mail.

- Take it to the contraband room.

Castillo.

- Sorry, Jeter.

- That's okay.

- Next time.

- Sure, sure.

- There she is. It's her.

- There she is. She's over here.

- Megan.

- Look at this nonsense.

What's going on?

I am. I'm surprised it took them this long.

Joe Kidd, paparazzo.

You ever have a little something

you wanna share,

or any information about Miss Valentine,

you call me.

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

- That's for personal use.

- Worm. Move out.

The platoon is becoming

a sideshow, Captain.

It's unacceptable.

This sideshow is getting the Army some of

the best publicity it has had in years.

She doesn't belong here, Captain.

The girl smiles when she salutes.

She's affecting morale.

I'll attend training tomorrow

and make that determination for myself.

Sir.

Let's go, Valentine.

I wanna see you go up and over.

Hit the ground, Valentine. Hit the ground.

That's right, girls. Get front.

Let's see you go.

Come on. Don't give up now, Valentine.

Go. Move, move, move.

Keep going.

Up and over, up and over. Nice work.

Come on, soldier.

Come on, soldier. Come on, soldier.

Jeter's four packs ahead of you, Valentine.

You gonna let her win?

Now, let's move. Get up that pole.

I got this.

- You can do it.

- Come on, Valentine.

Oh, my gosh.

- Oh, my gosh.

- Good job.

Come on, go!

I mean, she's really good.

- Good job!

- Oh, my God.

We got this, soldier.

Oh, no. Is she taking all four?

- Valentine.

- She got all four bags.

We're going to win.

Oh, my God.

Damn.

It doesn't look like Private Valentine

is upsetting morale, does it?

No, sir.

How on Earth

did you do that, Private Valentine?

This private's first film role was

that of a stripper with a heart of gold, sir.

Nice work, Private Valentine.

Thanks.

Carry on.

Guess if I were a whore,

I could have carried more.

Loser.

Playboy mansion.

You wish.

I got that information for you.

Did you see Morley's face

when you came off that pole?

She was like...

You made it look so easy, too.

Easy? I trained with the girls from

Body Shots in LA for three weeks,

and trust me, ladies, that is a workout.

You wanna know what my favorite movie

of yours is, Valentine?

It's the one where you play the disco queen,

and you're traveling through time

searching for your magical disco ball.

That's funny. And the dance sequence

in the end was so good.

I have the soundtrack. Will you teach me?

I can't. I'm shy. Let's go.

- Wait a minute.

- No way.

Ready?

Okay, I have to try this.

Oh, yeah.

- Come on, Johnson.

- I don't dance.

How can you not dance?

Because I'm black,

I'm supposed to know how to dance?

Yeah. Come on,

you know you wanna spank it.

Now, what is this?

Now, why wasn't I invited?

I love to dance, too.

This is contraband and it's illegal.

So, congratulations, Hollywood.

You just won a three-mile run for you,

and all your backup dancers.

What's the matter? You can't hack it?

You gonna cry, baby girl?

You gonna cry?

Do I look like I'm gonna cry to you,

First Sergeant?

I guess not.

Sergeant Bivens, fall them out.

I can't seem to do a thing right

I can't seem to do a thing right

Screw it up with all my might

Screw it up with all my might

- Made my platoon mates have to pay

- Made my platoon mates have to pay

- For all my pampered princess ways

- For all my pampered princess ways

- I'm a...

- I'm a...

- Screw up

- Screw up

Jiminy Cricket!

Stop grinding your damn teeth.

Petrovich, did you just cuss?

- I'm a little emotional.

- You're PMSing.

Me, too.

I'd make love to a fudge sundae right now.

I would slap around a jar of peanut butter.

Well, I don't know

if I'd have rough sex with it,

but I sure do miss chocolate.

I know where we can get

Rate this script:4.0 / 3 votes