Man of the Year Page #8

- Well, I called Hemmings at Delacroy.

- What?

Yeah. Well, you know, I wanted to find you.

I remember you said you worked at Delacroy.

I wanted to see you.

- You did?

- Mm-hm.

- You wanted to see me.

- Yeah.

Wow.

- God. That's good.

- Well, good. Well, good, not so good.

- No, it's good.

- Well, he told me about your drug problem and...

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I don't have a drug problem.

- It's all right.

- Tom, I do not have a drug problem.

- It doesn't bother me.

- I hate to interrupt,

but the Secret Service

wants you outta here by dark.

By the way, drug dealers

have this place booked until dawn.

I didn't tell him. He's just making a joke.

We'll talk about it later, honestly. It's OK.

- There's no drug problem.

- That's all I need to know.

- There's a lot to discuss here.

- Yeah. I think...

That just doesn't look clear to me.

Another 30 minutes?

- Yeah, maybe.

- The wing is...

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

We may have a problem here.

- I like it crispy. I like a nice crunchy skin.

- I know, Menken. I know you do.

- Just wanna make myself heard.

- Uh-huh.

- I'm a producer. I've produced a lot of turkeys.

- Yes, you have.

Look at this old C-SPAN.

Congress is in session and no one's there.

Harkin's speaking about an amendment

to a budget bill. It's empty.

How do you get people in their seats?

It's crazy.

- They have things to do.

- Like?

Like, hello, they've got lobbyists to deal with.

They've got trips the lobbyists have sent them on.

They've gotta go do TV shows to explain to people

what they're not doing while they're not there.

This makes golf look like porn.

Shouldn't you be giving that up?

Did you know there were once ads

that said four out of five doctors

recommend this brand or that brand?

Come on. You're kidding me.

- Doctors used to recommend cigarettes?

- Said they were good for you.

There was one slogan before my time:

"Not a cough in the carload. "

It's a little too late now.

I'm sorry.

You like our Tom Dobbs, do you?

Unfortunately, I do.

I see that.

- I have to talk to you in private.

- Now?

- Yes.

- OK.

Thanks.

You've got a great group.

Ellie, whatever your problem is...

What? You can fix my problem?

Is this the president-elect speaking

or just Tom Dobbs the comedian?

- Just Tom Dobbs.

- Good.

Because Tom Dobbs is not the elected President

of the United States. There. I've said it. Kill me.

It's true.

There was a problem

with the computer voting system.

I tried to warn them. It's that error that's made you

the next President of the United States.

- I didn't win?

- Not even close.

- What do you want me to do?

- I don't know.

I had to say it. I've been living with this.

I just had to tell you.

- Do you want to go public with this?

- I can't.

I could, but nobody would believe me.

Not anymore.

But somebody has to know.

Somebody. At least you.

I mean, I don't know.

Look, I don't know.

Maybe it is best that you're the next President

of the United States even if they didn't vote for you.

Out of curiosity...

- did you vote for me?

- No.

I don't vote.

To be honest with you, I don't vote.

Politicians will say anything in the world

to get elected. Maybe I'm jaded.

Honestly, I didn't even think you had a chance.

I know it's ironic I'm talking like I'm concerned.

I don't even vote.

I'm gonna talk this over with Menken.

Come on, I want you with me. Come with me.

- No, I can't.

- Why not?

- Tom, I can't!

- Why?

I had to tell you.

You do with it what you want.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Is something wrong?

You guys have a fight?

She knows a lot about computers.

More than you ever wanna know, really.

Should I be impressed?

It's improbable, me winning the election.

Well, Mark Twain once wrote, "The only

difference between reality and fiction

"is that fiction needs to be credible. "

We are, my friend, in uncharted waters.

She just told me

I didn't win the election.

Whoops.

Computer malfunction.

- She knows this? For sure?

- Yeah.

She tried to warn the Delacroy Company

and they hid it. Bad for business.

- You don't believe her, do you?

- I do. It's true.

I always thought the TV Nielsen ratings

were full of sh*t, but this?

It's hard to believe

that many people watched JAG.

I never met anybody who'd say,

"Hey, did you see JAG last night?"

Don't believe her so quickly, Tom.

- She knows what she's talking about.

- That's debatable.

So... what's she gonna do?

Nothing. She left it up to me.

Leaving it to you. Well, Delacroy's not gonna say

anything, and she's not gonna say anything, so...

there's no problem.

- No problem?

- We move on.

- Oh, like nothing happened?

- Something like that.

If you tell a joke and it stinks

but you put a laugh track over it, the joke still stinks.

I'm President, but not really.

This is where we are.

You wanna throw it away or go for it?

I never told you which gigs to take,

I only advised,

but to me this decision is a slam dunk.

Yeah.

Tom?

Eleanor, tomorrow at 11 o'clock

I'm gonna have a press conference

and tell the American people that

I'm not the legitimate President of the United States.

I'm so sorry.

I- I'll call you tomorrow, OK?

Danny, I told him.

Why did you tell him?

I had to. And now I hate myself.

Does he believe you?

He's calling a press conference at 11

tomorrow. He's gonna make the whole thing known.

Oh, sh*t. Look what you did.

I wish I hadn't told him.

I mean, I know I did the right thing.

I know I did the right thing. It was the right thing to do.

And yet... And yet...

m- m-maybe I've done the wrong thing,

and how can that possibly be?

I mean, did I do the right thing

or did I do the wrong thing?

I know it's the right thing to do,

so why do I feel like this?

We've got to preempt his press conference.

And very early tomorrow morning.

- Press conference set up?

- Uh, yeah. What the hell's going on?

OK.

Jack? Jack?

Got a reporter says Delacroy's

going to make a major announcement.

Some big story,

something to do with Eleanor Green.

This is what we got going on today.

They're called the Witches of November.

A storm from the Great Lakes.

That's going to spread one to three inches of snow

right across the D.C. area.

I don't think there's any more than that,

not a lot of moisture here.

It's a pretty closed-up system,

and it's gonna move up quickly...

We interrupt this broadcast

to bring you this breaking news.

We have some dirty laundry

that needs to be addressed.

Recently Delacroy had to dismiss

an employee, Eleanor Green,

who was suffering severe psychological problems.

We made an effort to get her medical help,

and subsequently discovered that she was heavily

involved in the use of barbiturates and cocaine.

We would have kept this private, but additional facts

concerning Miss Green have come to light.

We have evidence that Miss Green manipulated

the prototype of our computer voting system.

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