Man on the Moon Page #17

At that... we reveal that SOMEONE ELSE is sitting next to

Andy. But only the back of his head is visible.

GEORGE (cont'd)

It's like you two guys wanted to

destroy Andy's career! Upsetting

all those people... putting out that

toxic venom...

(helpless)

What did you THINK would happen?!

ANDY:

(guilty)

We were just trying to push the

envelope --

GEORGE:

You're BLIND! There is no envelope

anymore!!

(beat)

It hurts me to say this... but

there's only one solution --

(pained)

I don't want you two to ever work

together again.

We WIDEN...

And the other person is JERRY LAWLER. He feels bad.

JERRY LAWLER:

I'm sorry. We thought it was

funny...

ANDY:

Jer', it's not your fault. You were

terrific.

(sad)

But maybe George is right...

JERRY LAWLER:

That's fine. But I wouldn't have

traded it for anything...

(poignant)

Because for one brief, shining

moment... the world thought that

wrestling was real.

Andy gulps emotionally.

ANDY:

We'll stay in touch. Next time I'm

in Memphis, I'll stop by the house,

and Noreen can make me her double

chocolate cake.

JERRY LAWLER:

Alright, buddy...

(choked up)

Stay good.

Andy and Jerry hug.

A touching beat... until Andy gets a Quixotic gleam.

ANDY:

Maybe I can turn it into a bit. I

can go back on the show, and say it

was rigged. Demand a recount...

GEORGE:

Andy! You don't get it!

(somber)

They don't want you back.

Andy's face drops.

INT. MEDITATION INSTITUTE UNIVERSITY, CORRIDOR - DAY

The Yogi slowly walks down the corridor, deep in thought. A

few DISCIPLES IN TURBANS mill around.

INT. MEDITATION INSTITUTE UNIVERSITY, CLASSROOM - DAY

NINE STUDENTS, sitting in the Lotus position, are listening

to a teacher. The teacher is Andy.

ANDY:

Open your eyes... close your eyes...

open your eyes... close your eyes...

open your eyes... close your eyes...

Andy is repeating this faster and faster; the students are

blinking their eyes faster and faster.

The door opens. The Yogi sticks his head in.

YOGI:

Excuse me, Andy...

ANDY:

Yes, your Holiness?

The Yogi signals Andy to step out of the room.

INT. MEDITATION INSTITUTE UNIVERSITY, CORRIDOR - DAY

Andy steps out.

YOGI:

This is very difficult for me to

say... but -- perhaps it would be

best if you didn't attend the

retreat.

ANDY:

(surprised)

Why?? I... I attend every year.

YOGI:

Yes -- we do not doubt your devotion

to TM. But we feel that perhaps...

you and the program have grown apart

philosophically.

Andy is stunned.

ANDY:

"Philosophically"?

YOGI:

(he sighs)

The wrestling... the sexist

remarks... the foul language...

these things are not becoming of an

enlightened individual.

(beat)

It seems you have no respect for

anything.

Andy is stupefied. He doesn't know how to respond.

ANDY:

Of course I do...

The Yogi shakes his head. Andy can't believe it. He looks

around -- men in turbans staring at him.

Andy cracks.

ANDY:

Please! You've GOT to let me take

the classes! It's how I keep myself

BALANCED!!

YOGI:

It is apparently not working.

ANDY:

So HELP ME! All I wanna do is

MEDITATE!!

YOGI:

(pained)

Andy, don't raise your voice. We

don't wish your presence here.

Andy is broken.

He fights to bottle his rage -- then notices Little Wendy

down the corridor, peering helplessly. Beaten, Andy waves

goodbye to her.

Little Wendy gulps, then waves goodbye too.

CUT TO:

INT. ANDY'S APARTMENT - DAY

Middle of the afternoon, Andy lies in bed. Covers pulled up

to his face, expression glum, he's like a tragic still-life.

Suddenly DING-DONG! It's the doorbell.

Andy ignores this. Beat. Another DING-DONG! Then

KNOCKING.

ANDY:

Go away.

LYNNE (O.S.)

It's me.

ANDY:

Oh, it's open.

The door opens. Lynne enters, holding a carton of ice

cream.

LYNNE:

I brought you Haagen Dazs.

Chocolate.

ANDY:

(mournful)

I don't deserve Haagen Daz. I'm a

horrible person.

LYNNE:

Andy, you're not horrible. You're

just... complicated.

ANDY:

You don't know the real me.

LYNNE:

Andy... there is no real you.

TIGHT - ANDY

An astonished silence.

And then... he slowly smiles.

ANDY:

You're probably right.

They both giggle.

Andy studies her... looking at Lynne's face, body, eyes.

Pause.

ANDY:

Do you wanna move in together?

Lynne smiles slyly. She leans down and kisses him.

CUT TO:

EXT. LAUREL CANYON HOUSE - DAY

A moving van outside a funky 60's house. MOVERS carry boxes

in.

INT. LAUREL CANYON HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Andy sits disoriented in the living room. Movers bustle

around him. Mirrors get leaned against opposing walls --

and he finds himself looking into multiple reflections of

himself.

In the b.g., Lynne arranges some vases, then hurries out.

Andy opens a box and pulls out his old Howdy Doody doll. He

smiles, then places Howdy on the shelf next to the vases.

Suddenly a phone on the floor RINGS. He grins.

ANDY:

Hey! Our first phone call!

(he scrambles for

the phone)

Hello?

GEORGE (V.O.)

Andy... it's me. I've got some

crummy news.

(long beat)

Taxi's been canceled.

Silence.

Andy has no response.

GEORGE (V.O.) (cont'd)

Do you want me to come over? Talk

about it?

ANDY:

Um... no. Uh, I'm sorta busy right

now. Thanks. We'll get together

next week.

Andy hangs up. He just sits there... confused... unsure how

to react.

Andy scratches his head -- then feels something odd. He

goes over to the mirror. On the back of his neck... is an

inflamed red pimple. Andy grimaces.

ANDY (cont'd)

Yuck!

INT. LA IMPROV, SHOWROOM - LATE NIGHT

Very late -- a clock says 1:15. A YOUNG COMIC is onstage,

performing to the DOZEN audience members left.

In back walks... Andy. Unshaven, morose, he quietly

approaches paternal owner BUDD FRIEDMAN. Budd sees him,

grins, and gives him a hearty hug. Andy points at the stage

and asks for something -- Budd eagerly nods.

INT. LA IMPROV, SHOWROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Budd is onstage.

BUDD:

And now we have a treat for you late-

night diehards. The star of Taxi --

here in person, Andy Kaufman!

The sparse crowd APPLAUDS. Budd leaves, and Andy shuffles

up.

ANDY:

Actually, Budd, you're wrong. I

found out today that Taxi's been

canceled.

The crowd AWWWWS sadly. Andy blinks.

ANDY (cont'd)

Yeah, that's how I felt too...

though I don't know why. 'Cause for

years, all I wanted to do was get

off that show.

(quiet, very

confessional)

But now that nobody will hire me,

and nobody thinks I'm funny... I

guess it was probably a pretty good

job.

One guy LAUGHS sharply.

Andy gives him a look -- thinks -- then continues.

ANDY (cont'd)

Not to mention that my wife has left

me. And she took the kids.

(he sighs)

I don't know what I'm gonna do with

myself. My options are sorta

limited...

(beat)

This morning, I noticed I've got a

cyst, or some kind of boil, on the

back of my neck. It's really

disgusting. Look.

Andy turns. The red lump is bigger, grosser. The crowd

GROANS, revolted.

ANDY (cont'd)

So I was thinking, since I'm sort of

a quasi-celebrity, that I could

charge people to touch it.

(candid)

Does anybody want to pay a buck to

touch my cyst?

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