Manhattan Murder Mystery Page #8

Larry, I mean...

All I have to do is loosen that, okay?

Put your hand together.

Now give me a boost, okay?

Wait a second! Wait, wait!

You gotta cut down

on those rich desserts.

Wait a minute, now!

Wait, wait.

My life is passing in front of my eyes.

The worst part is I'm driving a used car.

- You'd think they'd loosen this thing.

- I'm scared.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God. It's her.

- So that's where he hid her.

- Claustrophobia and a dead body.

This is a neurotic's jackpot.

- I'm scared.

- We're going down.

Oh, God, what's happening?

Press up!

I can't see my hand!

How can I press up?

- We must be heading for the basement.

- I want to get off in the mezzanine.

- What are you doing?

- I'm getting back on the elevator.

I can't see anything.

- There's nothing up here.

- Wait!

What are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing with matches?

These are my matches.

When were you

at the Caf des Artistes?

- I was with an authoress.

- At the Caf des Artistes?

A French authoress.

Wait.

- Jesus.

- This way.

I like a basement with knotty pine

and a pool table.

Hey, look. What's this?

Not so fast. I don't like it here.

It's dank and there's strange noises.

I don't know what this is.

Oh, Jesus!

- Calm down.

- Calm down? Don't tell me to calm down.

Found the light.

Let me see. We're locked in here.

What are we gonna do?

Relax, relax.

I'll break it down. Stand back.

Careful, now.

Don't hurt yourself.

Must be one of those new doors.

Over here. Let's try out here.

Oh, God. I keep hearing noises.

- What's down there?

- Where?

Where are you going?

Don't leave me.

What? I think this

is the service entrance.

- Come on, get it open. Go into a trot.

- I got it.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- Wait! Do you see that?

- What?

Somebody's putting a body into a car.

It's got a white sheet on it.

Come on.

That is... Let's get out of here.

- No, look! Let's follow him. Come on.

- I'm not going to follow him.

- There was a body in that car.

- I don't want to follow.

Hurry up!

It's probably a rented car.

And a rented body.

Come on.

Oh, Jesus. I can't follow his car.

- He's right up ahead.

- Where?

I don't know which car I'm following.

I'm not a good driver.

I can't chase somebody.

I'm gonna have an accident.

- I'll hit a school bus.

- It's night.

- There's no school buses at night.

- What about night school?

- You have no sense of direction.

- 20l20 vision. Well, not exactly.

- No, I do. He came right here.

- Where are we?

- I don't know. There it is!

- I don't know...

- There's his car.

- How do you know?

- That's his car.

- It is his car. Yes.

- Let's get out.

- Be careful. Be careful.

Look! Look!

Oh, my God! It's Mrs. House's body!

Come on! We gotta stop it

before it gets dropped!

Oh, my God.

Goodbye, Mrs. House.

- That was definitely Mr. House!

- What are we gonna do?

- I'm gonna call the police now.

- And tell them what?

This guy's got proof his wife died

of a heart attack two weeks ago.

We've got no body. We've got nothing.

What? What? What's wrong?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Hello, there. How are you?

- How are you?

May I introduce Gladys Dalton,

my gal Friday?

This is Larry and Carol, my neighbours.

We were watching Madame Bovary.

- Such a sad story.

- Yeah, it is.

She gets killed at the end.

You gotta stop up for a drink

before I go on my trip.

Love to.

If you hear of anybody who needs

an apartment, I think I may be moving.

- Come on, Gladys.

- What a shame.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Jesus, what a day, huh?

I can't figure it out.

- It's got to be that either he's a...

- What?

Either she's a twin or he's a twin.

Or they're multiple personalities.

Or you're a twin or I'm a twin.

- Because I don't know what's going on.

- You're nuts.

- Look...

- Wait, yeah...

- Let me be logical about this.

- We know she's not a twin.

- What are you talking about?

- I want to puzzle this out.

She's a twin, she's not a twin.

Now you're saying we're twins?!

What are you, nuts? Okay, I'm calm.

I'm calm. Okay.

- Yeah, I'm going to be logical.

- All right.

The first thing is this:

There had been a heart attack. What if

they induced it? Some kind of poison.

We never saw the body.

It had to be some other woman.

Some woman who probably had

some resemblance to Mrs. House.

The super says he saw her,

but he's a drunk.

Mrs. House could have been hiding.

You heard a noise that night.

That had to be Mrs. House

leaving to check into the hotel.

- I can't sleep, I just...

- Wait. It doesn't make any sense.

Suddenly he murders her.

What's it all about?

Why don't we go meet Ted and Marcia,

get something to eat and talk with them?

- At 1:
00 a. m.?

- So what?

Ted was taking her to a show

and dinner.

- You want to schlep out to New Jersey...

- This town never sleeps.

That's why we don't live in Duluth.

Plus, I don't know where Duluth is.

Lucky me.

- You really saw his face?

- No question.

- I'm here to tell you...

- It was Mr. House. No question.

There was no way you could avoid it.

He was right there.

- It's obvious.

- How obvious? What do you mean?

Obvious he's committed

the perfect murder.

- What do you mean?

- Okay, look.

You have to start with another woman

who resembles Mrs. House.

That's what I said.

It was my idea. I said what she said.

They're with this woman.

Maybe having dinner.

They don't induce a heart attack.

That's fiction bullshit.

She dies spontaneously.

They had no thought of killing her.

- Maybe they wished she was dead.

- Why?

Maybe they stood to gain if she died.

They see an opportunity. Mrs. House

dresses her up in her clothes. She hides.

- This is exactly my theory.

- She checks into a hotel.

We got that far, with the exception

of the heart attack.

The husband's planning to go

to Paris with this young woman.

He's cheating on his wife.

Instead of finishing this scheme...

...he kills her, taking her share

of the profits.

- Helen Moss is in on this?

- Good chance she's aware.

What about Mrs. Dalton?

He claims he took her to the movies.

She's his alibi. She covered for him

when he strangled his wife.

- She said he was at work.

- He introduced her as a colleague.

- A colleague who maybe loves him.

- He's cheating on her too.

Cheating on two women?

This guy doesn't look the part.

He's gotten away

with the perfect murder.

There are no bodies around, and all

the paperwork's strictly aboveboard.

- Where did you find her? She's a genius.

- She is. But he knows that we know...

He doesn't care.

Why should he?

Everything's been neatly disposed of. Only

he, and maybe his mistress, know the truth.

- She's right.

- Hold on. We don't know this is true.

- This is just a theory.

- Yeah, but it's a great theory.

- A great theory.

- Everything fits together.

I think it's great.

When I come back from the ladies' room,

I'll tell you how to trap him.

- Unbelievable.

- Where did you find her?

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