Marci X Page #5

Tae-Bo!

Oh, sh*t.

-She hit her.

-You have touched me!

-And you've affected my hair!

-Yeah.

Check this out:

six bills on the white chick.

Yeah, I got that.

Yolanda!

Oh, oh, stop! Put that down!

Give me that.

No!

Drop it!

-Marci! -Marci!

-Marci!

Everybody freeze!

White girl, she's got the gun.

Well, it's not mine.

Drop your weapon!

On the floor?

It's filthy.

Do it now!

Okay.

Cuff her.

Cuff me?

My skin's very dry.

So... But it's going to chafe.

Ow.

Ow.

Oh, S, I was so scared.

I was bleeding and bleeding.

I think I need a photographer.

Dateline:
depravity.

Last night, out-of-control

heiress Marci Feld

was arrested in an exclusive

uptown nightspot

where she allegedly fired

1 8 rounds of live ammunition

into a crowd

of innocent bystanders.

How will this rampage affect

Marci's father, Ben Feld,

who remains hospitalized?

Is Marci now the gangster gal

of notorious rap demon Dr. S?

All across America,

outraged citizens are asking:

"Has Marci gone mad?"

-Marci Feld?

-Yes.

Get movin'.

Somebody posted bail.

Who? I told them, no one

is allowed to call my father.

You'll never guess.

You?

You posted my bail?

How 'bout "thank you"?

"Thank you, Dr. S."

Well, "thank you"?

Yeah, thanks to you,

this happened to me.

Look at my shoe.

And this gown was new,

you know.

Oh, my skin--

I had to give my moisturizer

to this huge transvestite

with a razor blade.

You smell like fuzz.

Oh, thank you...

...for the information.

Oh, my God!

No!

This could ruin everything!

God.

I look beautiful.

Please put the paper down.

I got you covered.

Oh... Ow... Why?

Why did I think I could fix

everything?

Because you're daddy's

spoiled little girl,

that's why.

You know, I spent all night

with these women in that cell.

Hookers and pickpockets,

drug dealers.

I thought I was so superior,

and just now I'm realizing...

they have a skill.

They can take care

of themselves.

I mean, yeah,

they're all criminals, but...

they know who they are.

Who am l? I'm nothing.

Look, you know what you are?

You're a baller.

I am?

A bo'n thug.

Me?

I don't even know

what that is.

You know, when you were dancing

in that club...

you was kind of loose.

Kind of bangin'.

I banged?

You was down.

Ah, how low?

When you was doing

all that Tae-Bo sh*t

waving that gun around...

Oh, yeah.

That was kind of hot.

-That was some sexy sh*t.

-Yeah.

You was illin'.

I was da bomb.

You were da sh*t.

I was the big smelly turd.

Is that one?

Give me this.

Come on, get in the car.

Why?

Because it's a limo.

All right.

-Got some right there.

-Thank you.

Well... don't.

Where are we going?

To my crib.

Mm-hmm.

We can't do this.

Okay. I'll take you home.

Okay.

But first can I ask

you a question?

Mm-hmm.

When black people make love,

is... is it different?

From white folks?

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. How?

It's good.

Oh, no.

Mm, mm, mm, wait.

But first, you have

to tell me one thing.

What is your real name?

Can I trust you?

Yes.

Kelvin. Kelvin Drell.

I like that. It's real.

Wait.

Now you got to

tell me something.

Something you've never

told anyone else.

Like what?

-Your weight.

-No. Oh, no.

No, that-that...

I couldn't do that.

No, that's-that's

too intimate.

No, I'm saving that

for my wedding night.

Trust me.

You'll feel better.

Why should I tell you,

of all people?

Because I don't care.

Oh, Kelvin.

Dr. S's posse is so hot.

It turns out Freekazoid went

to Harvard Business School

with my brother!

T-Ville is going to open

his own restaurant.

-Quantrelle isn't just a lawyer.

-He isn't?

He's a new form of Pilates.

Marci spent

the whole night in jail.

-She did?

-With Martha Stewart.

Okay...

Okay! Oh, that's great.

That's great.

Oh, almost a quarter mile.

I'm exhausted.

Hi, hi! Hi!

The club!

-Yolanda!

-Jail!

How are you?

Well, you know how just forever

I've been going out

with one guy after another

and it's never really

worked out?

Like that gorgeous

investment banker.

-And the senator.

-And Bill Gates.

And you know how

they're all great,

but none of them

ever quite measured up

to this dream I had

of the perfect man?

Someone incredibly successful.

-And incredibly sexy.

-And incredibly strong.

Well, last night, I found him.

He found me.

-Oh, my God!

-This is so beautiful.

Oh, Marce!

There's just one day to go

before the MTV Music Awards,

and the story the world

can't stop talking about

is the rumored romance

between Dr. S and Marci Feld.

What's going on between

the princess and the player?

Is it the real thing?

Mary Hart.

Man, she don't write back.

Nah...

Oh... man!

My brother!

-Dawg!

-Cat!

-S!

-T!

Yo!

Bro!

'Sup? You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I wanted to know,

all those years ago

in the projects,

who found you?

-Huh? -Who?

-Who?

You was living next-door.

You were hungry. You broke in.

But who gave you the beats?

Who taught you to bounce?

Who made the first tape?

Who duped the demo?

-Straight up.

-Who? Who did it?

We did it together,

we started the label,

and you kept getting busted,

and I kept you on board.

But who believed?

What's up? What's going down?

You, my brother-- and I'm

saying that because I love you.

I love you, too, dawg.

And you're whack.

What?

I tried to help you.

I sent Yolanda out

to get your attention.

You passed on by, you passed

on over, you passed on out.

Sure did.

What are you talking about?

Watch.

Today we dealing

with Dr. S,

with a special BET jam

which I'm calling...

"He Real?"

So what do you think of Dr. S?

Is he real?

I don't know, man, he used

to be a bad-ass baller,

but now, what up?

He's supposed

to be with Yolanda.

He ain't down; he ain't real;

he ain't even Dr. S,

not no more.

Man, he Dr. Seuss.

Th-Those are just kids talking.

They're consumers.

-Buy your records!

-Right. Pay the bills!

Dr. S? I used to love him.

When I was doing it

with my last boyfriend,

I would put Dr. S's head on him.

But not now.

I hate him.

I hate him.

Oh, what, did he run out

of black women?

There's none left?

She don't know what's going on.

So with you and that Marci b*tch

for the whole last week,

what's really been

going down, dawg?

Yeah, talk to us, S.

We just like spending time

together, having a meal.

Last night we rented DVDs.

So what?

Which ones?

They were kind of fabulous.

I mean, we saw, uh, Sleepless

in Seattle, City of Angels,

You've Got Mail,

stuff like that.

Meg Ryan?!

Sh*t!

Not-not just Meg Ryan, nah, man.

I mean, we did

some-some hard-core

-inner-city sh*t, too.

-All right, all right.

Like this one where this chick

teaches these little ghetto kids

how to play violins.

Meryl Streep?!

Damn!

This is like some sci-fi sh*t.

What?

You're turning into

a Jewish chick.

Mazel tov.

Son, you got to choose:

the b*tch or the brothers!

-That's right.

-'Sup?

What's it gonna be?

The MTV Awards

are tomorrow night,

and everyone wants to know.

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