Mardi Gras: Spring Break Page #5

We're doing this! We're doing this! Let's go!

Well?

I don't really do this sort of thing.

You know, I'm really

more the safe guy than the crazy guy.

Well, that's too bad,

'cause the girls and I are going to that party.

But, no, you play it safe. That sounds fun.

Check out yesterday's winner

for a preview of the action.

Lucy.

Meet Erica.

Erica, Lucy.

Looks like I have a contest to win.

Yeah, Mike!

Let the Wet T-shirt Olympics begin!

I'm feeling sexy now!

All right, neck to neck.

If you drop the orange, you're out!

Go!

To your right. No, to your other right.

Something still smells like sh*t.

Now it's getting hot.

We have a drop.

Sorry, ladies.

Yeah!

Sorry, ladies.

Three teams left. On to round two.

Show us your tits, show us your tits...

Now we are partying!

I don't wanna show 'em my tits.

Relax. Now,

when we're passing the orange next time...

Bring out the cherries!

This is gonna be bad.

Mouth to mouth!

Slowest team walks.

Go!

Well, the girls are off to an early lead.

Our guys seem to be lagging behind.

Thank God!

The guys are going for it.

Grab it! Suck it out of my goddamn mouth.

Come on, girls, please don't let us down.

We need you!

Oh, Jesus!

We have a drop. Great!

Another team of girls eliminated.

God bless America!

Oh, come on!

Two teams left. Three beautiful ladies...

And three stupid losers who

are ruining this for everyone.

Don't you listen to that glorified carnie.

We got this in the bag!

You know this is gonna be a great party!

VIP entry. Bottomless drinks.

Speaking of bottomless,

I think it's time to take it up a notch!

I told you this was gonna be hot, didn't I?

Now this is more like it!

What kind of misogynist contest is this?

Look, there's no shame in quitting.

Eat me, douche bag!

We're gonna be champions of the world!

Scottie, take off your pants.

- Oh, no.

- Look!

There are more of those at the party.

And Carmen's gonna be there!

Okay, I'm in!

You know, you're allowed

to switch to boxers when you turn 13.

- I hate you.

- I know you do, old friend.

Come on, Mike, take it off!

Don't worry, hope isn't lost yet.

Bring it on!

Let's show the girls

how much we love them.

Zane, bring out the bananas!

Bananas?

I don't mind being a virgin.

Shut up. It can't be that bad.

You're gonna pass it from here to here,

and end up here.

And of course, no hands allowed.

Okay. It's completely horrible.

Fastest team gets the passes. Go!

This is more like it!

Damn, that's hot.

Okay, boys.

All right,

we are winning this goddamn contest!

All right, the girls are way ahead.

All right, Bump.

Do me quick and professional.

Wait, you guys are actually going for it?

Oh, Jesus!

Okay, please watch it.

No!

Scottie! Turn around and take it like a man.

- I quit!

- Get him, Mike!

Come on, girls, faster! Get in there!

Oh, my God, no! Please! Can't we... No, no...

Close your eyes. It'll go faster.

I love you, buddy.

No!

Yes!

Congratulations to our winners.

Thank you.

More sausage for the party.

Way to go, crazy man.

So I guess I'll see you tonight?

Count on it.

This party better be amazing.

Back of the line, boys.

Stop right there.

We're VIPs. We're on the list.

Everyone over there's on the list.

About how long

do you expect we'll be waiting in line?

I think you know the answer to that.

- Have fun.

- What the hell,

you just let in those guys with the chicks.

Chicks.

What do you mean? We've got chicks.

They're in there.

I know. "Everyone's got chicks in there."

I took a banana up my ass.

Step aside, guys. You're not gettin'

in without girls and costumes.

Okay, new plan.

We head back to Bourbon Street,

and don't stop drinking

until somebody vomits all over Scottie.

- Who's in?

- I took a banana up my ass!

Guys! Guys, guys!

We're goin' to this party. I'm seeing Lucy.

We're not gonna sit around

some crappy bar, drinking cheap beer,

pretending like everything's perfect.

All right?

- That's not why we came down...

- Did you hear that?

I think Mike's balls just dropped!

Listen, while I appreciate your enthusiasm,

that line's not moving.

Plus, you heard the man. We're not getting in

there unless we've got some tail.

Well, I got an idea.

So what do these

cousins of yours look like?

What? You're picky all of a sudden?

But yeah, are they hot?

Well, I haven't seen them since they were 10,

but from what I remember,

hopefully they've improved.

Well, this sounds lovely.

I don't care how they look,

they're still my family.

You treat them right.

Cousin Michael?

I'm gonna make a large

donation to a charity of your choosing

if you just let me suck on one...

Janice, Cousin Mike is here!

Cousin Mike!

It's been so long!

Wow!

Twins? He didn't say they were twins.

Twins are always hot. Always.

I think Mike's family's

a little closer than most, right?

They're pretty close. It's...

Okay... That's enough.

So...

These are my friends, Bump and Scottie.

Hi.

Need a place to crash?

You could share my bed.

Or my bed.

It's just a little small,

but we could squeeze together.

Actually, what we were

talkin' about was maybe

hittin' up this costume party later tonight,

and I didn't know

what you were up to tonight...

We'd love to go!

Let's get some costumes.

Great!

Jackpot!

These are gonna be so crazy.

These... And you're gonna get

the same exact one as me.

Normally, I'd be disgusted

by the idea of incest.

But quite honestly,

if you don't bang the sh*t out of those two,

I'm gonna punch you right in your face.

- They're my cousins.

- I don't care!

We're right next to Mississippi.

If we don't get any traffic,

I'll have you there in an hour,

and you'll be married

to one of them by midnight.

I need to borrow you.

I hate you.

Oh, God!

- What?

- What're you doing?

We need a family member's perspective.

Yeah, what do you think?

You are both beautiful.

We want your opinion on our costumes!

We want to make sure

our outfits are appropriate.

You both look, you both look very good.

Does my butt look okay in this?

I gotta go.

But you just came.

Almost.

'Sup?

What the hell are you supposed to be?

A giant hotdog.

What the hell does it look like?

The classy, genteel

Southern Plantation Owner.

You look ridiculous.

Thanks, I appreciate that. Unfortunately,

this store only had

one costume left in my size.

So, considering what my options are,

I think I look quite dignified.

Jesus, Scottie,

what the hell is taking you so long?

Just pick one, already.

This is really important. The right

costume could get me to second base.

Wrong costume... It could be deadly.

Well, there's obviously no contest.

- Get the Smurf.

- Smurf?

Really, I was kind of thinkin' Cowboy.

Scottie, Smurfs are awesome.

They're cuddly,

they're there for you on a rainy day.

What about that suggests

that you won't get any?

Everything?

You know what, I'm goin' Cowboy.

Cowboys are rough and rugged.

Okay, this costume says, "Watch out, ladies,

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