Mardi Gras: Spring Break Page #7

Mardi Gras is not Girls Gone Wild.

It's not just tits and beads.

It's about family, tradition.

Come on, show me what you got!

Right. Too soon.

Hi. May I speak with

the hotel operator, please?

Thank you.

This is Mike Morgan.

I'm inquiring about a guest.

I was wondering

if you have a Lucy Mills staying there.

No?

All right. Thank you.

Mills. Mills!

Lucy Mills!

My tone?

You've got a problem with my tone?

Well, my tone has a problem

with your... Hello?

Hi, this is Lucy Mills.

I'm trying to track down Mike Morgan.

Thank you.

Will you please hold on a moment?

I am actually... I'm getting another call.

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello? Hello...

- Hello? Hello.

Hello...

I am not the one causing

the problem here, sir.

And frankly, I don't think this is any way

for you to conduct your business.

So, I would like you

to please patch me into your supervisor.

Where am I?

Carmen!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yes!

Max, you did it.

Good morning, my angel!

It may be a good morning,

but it was a great evening, sweetie.

I can't believe you're even awake!

After that performance,

you deserve to sleep for a week!

Now...

You've gotta eat at least some of this.

You need to build up your strength.

Someone was quite the tiger, hmm?

I don't remember anything.

So you don't remember Security calling

because of all the noise you were making?

Noise?

They said

it sounded like the Fourth of July in here.

I don't... I'm feeling queasy.

Juice?

Max, you're gay?

- Thank you.

- Sir.

- Bump, you know, I didn't...

- Me, too.

Okay, let's not do the whole thing.

I rule, you rule.

You're not an a**hole, I have

overcompensation issues et cetera, et cetera.

Okay.

Rough night?

I was a moron.

And I gotta make things right with Lucy.

Broad story, I'd offer to help you out,

but my vagina's in the shop.

Truffle? They're really fabulous.

No, thank you.

So I hung out with this chick last night,

and she's pretty lame, but I don't know...

There's something about her.

Do I sense feelings from Bump?

Let's not go overboard.

I'm definitely capable

of getting a hotter chick.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

she's probably like a six-and-a-half,

maybe a seven on a good day.

She's a little old,

but I figure she's got a couple of years

before she hits the wall.

Gonna introduce me?

You are lucky

I even give you the time of day, fat boy.

Ann Marie. Charmed.

See that? Kind of lame,

but kind of somethin'.

- Scottie!

- Where the hell have you been?

All right. I'm just gonna

get this out in the open.

Max had sex last night.

Oh, my God! Congratulations!

- This is huge!

- That is awesome, man.

With a dude.

Can I help you?

If only you could.

But my penis just isn't that into you.

Guys, I know it's a lot to digest,

and I've given it

a lot of thought, and it's not all bad.

On the one hand,

I'm gonna have a clean apartment,

beautiful clothes, washboard abs,

and I'll finally be able to admit that I know

every word on the Wicked soundtrack.

Plus I'll be having a shitload of sex!

On the downside, it'll be with guys.

So, you know, there's that, but

whatever, it's four to one. Right?

That's a pretty big one.

So you're gay! Whatever, right?

The point is, you got laid!

Yeah. You got laid.

That's awesome.

Yes! That's really great.

You're gonna pound so much... Butt.

But just so we're clear,

I'm... I'm not gay. You know?

- You're... You're not?

- No, no, Max is the gay one.

I'm a straight man living with a gay penis.

I'm Scottie, by the way.

Baby, you're gay.

Well, guys, I guess this is Fat Tuesday.

So much for that Bourbon Street balcony.

Could be worse.

At least we're all together, right?

A balcony? Is that all y'all want?

Come on, fellas.

Come on!

Hello, Tommy. Band these guys.

- What's goin' on?

- I have no idea.

That's gonna clash. Do you have it in yellow?

- Good evening, Ann Marie.

- Hey, Carl!

- Hey, Ann Marie!

- Hey, Laura.

Who are you?

How's this?

My dad's the hotel manager.

I get this room every Mardi Gras.

Are you shitting me!

You know,

you're not entirely lame after all, Lame Girl.

I was only gonna invite a few friends over.

Unless you have a better idea.

Gentlemen...

What do you say to a little soiree?

Yeah, baby!

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yes! For you!

- Wow!

What the f***?

All right, I've had enough.

I'm gonna go find Ann Marie.

Whoa! What about your balcony?

Mike! Sometimes the best part

of the party isn't the party.

You know what I mean?

I know exactly what you mean.

That doesn't even make sense!

What's the best part

of the party if it's not the party?

I don't even know what you're talking

about... Is this a straight thing?

Scottie!

Carmen?

Get down here, you silly boy!

Me?

Yeah, get down here now.

Listen.

If I don't make it back alive,

you tell the world Scottie Smith got laid.

All right.

Maybe leave out the part

about it being with a dude.

Scottie!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What are you doin', bro?

Are you okay? I...

Yeah. I'm fine.

Where did you disappear to?

I was a little uncomfortable.

I think it was his first three-way.

A three-way?

You were there?

Yeah, silly.

- With Jonathan?

- Jonathan?

No. Jonathan has a boyfriend.

But isn't he great?

I'm so glad you guys had a chance to talk.

I asked him to bring you breakfast.

Who... Who was the third?

Max.

You mean, you, me, and Max?

You mean...

I'm not... He's not...

Mike!

Max isn't gay!

Hey, all right, man!

Max isn't gay! Max isn't gay!

I had sex with Carmen Electra!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Your friends do know

there's an elevator, right?

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy, can you hear me?

Hey! You suck!

Lucy!

Where are you, Lucy?

Lucy, where can you be?

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!

Come on, man! I'm trying to find this girl.

Lucy! Lucy!

Guys, please, please! Cut it out.

Her!

Lucy!

What do you want?

You!

What?

He wants you!

What about your girlfriend?

Do you see me hijacking

a parade float to talk to her?

You said last night

that we all have our roles.

What I didn't know

is that I've been playing a role

for far too long.

A role that isn't me!

So who are you?

What?

Who are you?

I'm the guy you met yesterday.

The guy who, who kissed two

dudes with a cherry in his mouth.

The guy who deep-throated a banana!

That's not what it sounds like.

Mike! We've only known each other for like...

Thirty-nine and a half hours!

Now, I know last night was crazy,

and I know things could've gone better.

But I have never felt this way before.

And I will do anything to prove that to you!

Show your tits!

Show your tits!

Show your tits!

Guys, come on, now. Let's...

Show your tits! Show your tits!

F*** it.

Cousin Mike!

Yeah!

You've earned these.

Not yet.

I'm gonna have to ask for these back now.

Will you please stop that?

Get up here and make me!

What happened to playing it safe?

Safe sucks.

Whoa!

Yeah.

Hi, Mike.

I saw your penis.

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