Marvellous Page #6

That's it.

In you go.

In you go. That's it.

Say hello.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Sorry.

How've you been keeping?

I'm doing well, everybody says.

I've brought you a bit of shopping.

Thanks.

I'm a bit worried about you,

to be honest.

Haven't seen you at the match

the last three home games.

I've been busy.

Right.

- Life goes on.

- Right.

And I'm doing well.

So you keep saying.

How are the birds doing?

They're doing well, yeah.

Is that a new one? The white one?

It's a budgie from Zippo's.

Norman Barrett give it me.

It used to be part of his

act but it's retired now.

Bloody hell, Neil.

Even your budgies are celebrities.

Right. Freshers week starts on Monday.

You've got to get down there, snap up

the good players for Neil Baldwin FC.

I don't know if I'll bother this time.

My hip's been playing me up.

You know your mum would want

you to get out there, don't you?

Doing what you're best at.

Meeting people and that.

She would. That's true.

No time like the present.

I don't know about that.

I've heard the Union are

doing 2-for-1 hot dogs...

Does that include onions?

I should imagine so, yeah.

Neil!

What are you doing here,

this time of night?

Waiting for my lift.

Looks like they forgot.

Come on.

You shouldn't be hanging around

on your own at this time of night.

I wasn't hanging around,

I was waiting for a lift.

Which didn't come!

No, but you did.

What would you have done

if I hadn't turned up?

You did turn up, though, didn't you?

I know. But what if I hadn't?

Somebody would've turned up.

You can't go through life relying

on something just turning up.

Yes you can.

Well, I can, anyway.

Hiya, Gary?

You don't actually know me, but I'm

calling on behalf of Neil Baldwin.

He's a very good friend of mine

and I just wondered if you'd be kind

enough to do us a huge favour...

When do we play?

Training every Sunday,

matches Wednesday afternoon.

Right. Well, I play central midfield.

Oh, you play where I tell you to play.

I had trials for Macclesfield Town.

The problem is, son,

I play central midfield.

This is a wind-up, right?

I'm just the club president, son.

It's the gaffer who makes the decisions.

See.

Right.

Thanks a lot.

- Yeah, thanks.

- See you at the weekend.

You, young man.

This is a ball.

All you've got to do is stick that in

the back of the net. It's that simple.

Neil.

We're only playing the Christian Union.

That's part of the problem.

They've got the Lord on their side.

You going to finish that pasty?

Fitness problem, you have.

I'm going to come on in the second half.

And play centre midfield.

I played for Stoke City.

Let's never forget that.

No, I don't suppose anybody ever will.

I thought you said you'd got a ref.

He'll be here.

Oh, it's not that lad

from Islamic Soc, is it?

It looks like a strong wind

would blow that guy over.

Premiership quality this time.

Oh, right, premiership?

Hi, Neil!

Uriah!

- How are you?

- Alright, Uriah.

Good to see you.

This is Uriah Rennie, everyone.

Uriah Rennie.

- Hi.

- Alright, mate?

- Alright, Uriah?

- I'm good, mate. How are you?

Good to see you.

It's Uriah Rennie.

Enjoy yourself,

it's later than you think.

Enjoy yourself,

while you're still in the pink.

The years go by as quickly as a wink.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,

it's later than you think!

You worry when the weather's cold,

you worry when it's hot.

You worry when you're doing well,

you worry when you're not.

It's worry, worry, all the time,

you don't know how to laugh!

You'll think of something funny

when they write your epitaph.

Enjoy yourself,

it's later than you think...

- Take it again, you're off your line.

- What? There is no line!

Right, I'm booking it for this end.

...The years go by as quickly as a wink.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,

it's later than you think!

Good one-two...

And a good shot! What a goal!

What a goal!

Nello! Nello! Nello!

Then he ordered the crowds

to sit down on the grass.

Taking the five loaves and the two fish

he looked up to heaven and blessed...

and broke the loaves and

gave them to the disciples.

And the disciples gave

them to the crowds.

And all ate and were filled.

One of my favourites,

feeding of the five thousand.

Now, why doesn't that surprise me, Neil?

Never trust a man who

doesn't like his food.

I'm glad you enjoyed the sermon.

I always enjoyed your sermons.

That's why I told you you'd

make Bishop one day.

It was like the first

time I saw Mark Stein.

I knew he was special too.

Mark Stein?

33 goals in 57 matches.

I made you a card.

To say well done, like.

Thank you, Neil.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

And I've got a cockatoo.

Oh, no presents. I insist.

- The card is more than enough.

- No, no, no.

The cockatoo is for me.

Fossett's Circus give it me.

It's got something wrong with its foot

so it's not cut out for show business.

It lands on my head

every night, without fail.

He said he give it me because he

knew I'd look after it, and I will.

I'm sure you will.

Your mum always said you had a

real knack for looking after animals.

She was proud of me, you know. My mum.

She was, Neil.

She was indeed.

Can you drop me off on the way?

Well, it's not really on my way.

It is if you go that way to drop me off.

Yes, of course, of course.

Can we stop off at the Co-op?

I've got a spot of shopping to do.

Why not?

Why not.

One Neil Baldwin!

There's only one Neil Baldwin!

One Neil Baldwin! etc.

...One Neil Baldwin!

There's only one Neil Baldwin!

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