Marvellous Page #5

I can't help noticing... well...

I think you need to maybe

take extra care of yourself.

So your mum doesn't worry

too much about you.

I've got the Lord.

You have indeed.

I've got the students.

Yes.

I've got Stoke City and I've got my mum.

What I want you to think about, Neil

is what you would do

if one of them wasn't there.

Well, I'd probably have the time

to join the choir, for a start.

Right.

Right!

Are you feeling better

for our little chat, Mark?

Yes.

Thank you, Neil.

...Police would like to talk to anyone

who was in the area in the

early hours of Sunday morning.

More on that breaking story now.

We go over to the Victoria ground

where Lou Macari has resigned

as Stoke City manager

to take up the vacant

post at Glasgow Celtic.

The club have said they have already begun

their search for a first-class successor.

I've no comments to make right now.

But... there'll be a press

conference later on.

So you can check that out,

see how we go. Alright?

During his time at the club

Macari took the Potters to the play-offs,

automatic promotion...

Nello.

When Celtic come calling,

a Glasgow boy like me has to say yes.

I know that, yes.

And whoever takes over here,

I bet they'll find you as valuable as I did.

Do you want me to come? To Celtic?

Oh, I'd love you to.

But I think you're Stoke,

through and through.

And I think the Rangers

fans might eat you alive.

You're right. I'll stay put.

With my mum in the home and that.

She depends on me for shopping.

Exactly.

So no hard feelings then?

No hard feelings.

Are you staying on for

Tommo's testimonial?

Oh, I can do better than that.

I'm putting you on the bench.

I'm always on the bench.

Well, that isn't what I mean.

Come with me.

Midfielder or striker?

Oh, er, I haven't

thought about that yet.

I'm not as quick as I was.

Oh, I daresay.

But the first two yards are

in the head, boss?

Exactly.

Don't be late, Baldwin.

No, boss.

I'll be there.

Hiya, Mum.

I see you've had a shave.

That's something.

Aye.

I've done all your errands and all.

Have you now?

Can't have everything, I suppose.

Skimmed milk.

Because it's good for

your faulty ticker.

Rice pudding.

Bananas.

The apples are tough on your

dentures at this time of year.

And a packet of Immodium for your...

My indigestion, thank you.

Well, well, well.

You could do it after all.

I met Ken Dodd again last week.

He's a very good friend of mine.

The woman that runs it, this place, like

she wants me to come in as Nello

the clown tomorrow. So I will.

That'll cheer everyone up.

I asked her if I could bring you

a canary and she said certainly.

I'll fetch you one in.

You're a good lad, Neil.

You know that business where

you wanted to be a vicar?

That's all water under

the bridge now, mum.

I didn't want to be bothered with

doing a degree and what have you.

I know, son, but...

I didn't want you thinking that I didn't

think you could do anything you wanted.

Anything at all.

I'm playing for Stoke City tonight.

Come on, Mum. It's only a testimonial.

Don't go just yet.

No, I won't.

Stay and hold my hand a while?

Course.

They used to call me

Holy Mary, you know.

I know, Mum. I know.

I'm very proud of you.

Nello. Go and warm up.

Nello! Nello! Nello!

Paddy, get over here!

I'm going to bring Nello on, right?

When he gets in the penalty area,

everybody get out.

Let him score, ok?

Now, tell our lads,

and tell the Villa lads too.

Alright, boss.

Nello, get over here. You're going on.

Now, just hang about in

the penalty area, alright?

And cause them problems.

How do I do that?

Well you're causing me a problem just

looking at you so it shouldn't be too hard.

Ok, boss.

Anything comes near you,

you hit it. Alright?

Right-o, like a brick out-house?

No, no, I mean the ball,

not the other players.

Alright.

Hey.

Score one for your mum, Nello.

Ok?

Ok, yeah. She'll like that.

Good luck, Nello!

Well played, Thumper.

It's Bomber. Like a plane or something.

Not Thumper!

This really happened, by the way.

Did it?

Yeah it actually did.

How could I let the fans down?

Did it really happen like that?

No.

Come on, Nello. Cheer up, mate.

It's only a f***ing testimonial.

I think it must have hit

a bobble before I hit it.

Sorry I let you down, boss.

What?

- When did you let me down?

- Tonight.

After I slipped my marker.

I should've buried it.

I don't think slipping your

marker was the problem, Neil.

I think maybe when you fell over.

The first time?

Well, to be honest, I don't think

the second time helped either.

I skived the shot a bit, didn't I?

Aye, just a wee bit.

I think the ball's still rising now.

I think Jodrell Bank

has just picked it up.

Must've hit a bobble.

Blinking groundsmen.

Happens to the best of us.

I wouldn't let it worry you.

All the best, boss.

It was you, by the way.

What was?

Remember when you asked me who

the best signing I'd ever made was?

It was you, mate.

No contest.

- Neil.

- You hadn't forgotten, had you?

I said I'd come as Nello, and I did.

I bought a canary too.

It's not part of the act,

it's for my mum.

Could you come into the

office for a minute, duck?

It was very peaceful.

Yes.

She died in her sleep.

And she died proud of you.

We went in this morning and found her.

This morning?

That's right.

I rang this morning.

We wanted to tell you in person.

We thought it was better that way.

She didn't want me to leave.

Last night.

When I had to get my bus,

she... she didn't want me to leave.

- Morning.

- Hiya.

There aren't many mums who'd let

their sons run off to join the circus.

But my mum did.

And she used to worry about my weight

and she tried to give me salad.

But she meant well.

And after my dad died

we were a team.

Like Stoke City.

We were a team.

And she worried about me.

And she didn't have to worry about me.

But she did anyway.

And she taught me good manners.

And that it's good to be nice to people.

And that's what I try to be.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming.

Anything you need, Neil, call me.

I'm doing well, though, aren't I?

You're doing very well, yes.

I suppose I've got time

for the choir now.

Why not?

You ok for a lift?

You're coming with me, aren't you?

Am I?

Oh... right!

Mary would have loved the service today.

I'm doing well, though, aren't I?

You are, Neil.

You really are.

...in pastures green he leadeth me

the quiet waters by.

My soul he doth restore again

and me to walk doth make

within the paths of righteousness

e'en for His own name's sake.

E'en though I walk in death's dark vale

there will I feel no ill

for Thou art with me...

How much did you say it was?

8.27.

Is Doris not in?

SINGING My table Thou has furnished

in presence of my foes.

My head Thou dost with oil anoint

and my cup overflows.

Neil!

Neil.

- Are you going already?

- Yes.

- How are you coping?

- I'm coping well, yes.

I'm doing well, aren't I?

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