Marvellous Page #4

score more goals than the other team.

Thanks, Nello.

Was that supposed to be me, aye?

Brian Clough, boss.

Oh right. Cloughy.

Lou says I should give the

team talk every week.

3- 0, not surprised!

There might be a problem this week.

It's the boat race.

I never miss the boat race.

Can't you tape it?

I don't watch it on the telly.

I'm on the river.

You might need to lose some

weight if you're coxing.

I'm not in the crews.

I'm on the launch behind

with the umpire and that.

Hi, Neil.

Hiya, Molly.

How'd you wangle that?

I just asked.

You can't just get things by asking.

Can't you?

I can.

Great win Saturday, Nello!

Up the Potters, Farouq!

Why would they let you

on the umpire's launch?

Tradition.

Hey, Nello. How long are you going

to be with those f***ing pads?

Sort your own pads out.

Yes, Nello! Get in there!

You tell him, lad! You have him!

You flash bastard!

Did you put your wife's knickers

on by mistake this morning

or is there something

you want to tell us?

These are pure silk

boxer shorts, these, boss.

Kendall Mills, Deansgate.

If you're spending that much on

underpants I'm paying you too much.

Valuable cargo.

Can't keep the crown jewels

in a cornflakes box.

Hey, how much do you spend

on your underpants, Nello?

Nothing.

My mum buys them for me.

Very wise.

Might be because you're protecting

as little as possible, mate.

Well.

They weren't very nice to you.

There's always banter.

Nello. Nello!

Yes, boss?

Have you put on weight?

A bit.

Your mother will kill me.

I promised her I'd help you lose weight.

Hey, come on! Laino, I told you!

First touch! First touch!

Where the f*** are my boxer shorts?

Which one of you bastards has had them?

Sixty f***ing quid's worth.

That must be a blow.

Hang on!

My pants have gone too. What the f***!

Some thieving YTS lad has definitely

had them off. Million percent.

Yeah, that'll be it, yeah.

Those YTS boys, they'll steal

anything that isn't nailed down.

Who asked you?

No. No, Nello, you haven't?

Yours are on the bottom,

and they're a waste of money.

They're chafing right up

my undercarriage.

Oh f***!

My, my, my, Delilah!

Why, why, why, Delilah?

So before they come to

break down the door

forgive me Delilah,

I just couldn't take any more.

So before they come to

break down the door

forgive me Delilah,

I just couldn't take any more.

Mum?

- Her eyes aren't what they were.

- Mary, can you watch this light for me?

She has bifocals.

Do you know where you are?

I don't think either of them are right.

Do you know where you are?

- My dad died here.

- Hold my hand, Mrs Baldwin.

- When he was young.

- Can you grip it tight?

And I was young too.

- That's good.

- I did very well.

And the other hand,

can you do that one too?

She has bifocals.

She's very healthy. I'm not so healthy.

She eats salad. I eat chips.

She's always telling me.

We're going to get a consultant

down to look at her.

I'd rather it was a doctor.

He's better than a doctor.

When will I take her home?

I have to call a taxi.

She won't be going home tonight, I'm afraid.

She really is very poorly right now.

She is, isn't she?

I think we need to get that

consultant right away.

Yes, he's busy, but he'll be

right down as soon as possible.

Is it Mr Saeed?

Yes, as a matter of fact.

Why, do you know him?

He's a very good friend of mine.

Neil.

How are you? Everything ok?

Very well, thank you.

Are we going to beat

Portsmouth on Saturday?

If Laino's fit, we can beat anyone.

I love your attitude.

This man is a force for good.

Has my registrar been looking after you?

He's very young.

My mum has had an episode.

Ok.

Ok, well, let's see what

we can do, shall we?

Have you ordered a CT scan?

Bloods? BP? Come on,

what's been keeping you?

Ok.

Let's go and have a

look at her, shall we?

Third somersault... short.

That's the boner that cost me

the triple. Not big, but fatal.

That's why we're gonna start from the

beginning and make each move perfect

before we go onto the next.

I'll run it again for you.

Ey up, Nello! How's it going?

Shocking.

Is Laino going to be fit for Saturday?

Course he is, yeah.

Don't worry about that.

Thanks.

Now Neil, your mum has

had a heart attack.

And that is why the oxygen

isn't getting to her brain.

And that is why she's confused.

A heart attack. Yes.

So you are going to have to be strong for

your mum now because she needs you to be.

I'll pray for her.

That'd be a good idea.

And I'll visit.

Also good.

I'll get the Christadelphians

to pray for her too.

Excellent idea.

And you. At the temple.

More the merrier. That's what I say.

Very wise.

Have her home in no time?

Well, there is a possibility, Neil,

that she might not be able to come home.

Her health hasn't been very good

for a while now, as you know.

Social Services think they may have to

find her somewhere where she can live

and be looked after.

- Do you understand?

- I do. Yes.

Have her home in no time?

Morning, boss.

You take as much time

off as you need, Neil.

Alright?

There's nothing more important

than your mother's health.

I don't need to take any time off.

She's going to get better.

How do you do it, Nello?

How do you stay so positive?

I've always wanted to be

happy so I decided to be.

Brilliant.

I'm going to write some

of this stuff down!

If bad things happen,

you think about good things.

Like what?

Like...

Best signing you ever made.

I wouldn't know where to start.

With the shorts.

The cleaner the shorts

the better the player.

It means they've stayed

on their feet longer.

Well, if you don't mind me saying,

that's very much a kit man's point of view.

Cloughy thought it too.

Oh, so now I'm arguing with

you and Cloughy, am I?

I'm assuming the budgie's not

part of the food shop, son.

It's for me.

The man at the pet shop

gave me a discount.

I've got your shopping.

Did you not take a list, Neil?

I gave you a list.

I did it from memory.

Oh. Whose memory's this?

Not mine, that's for certain.

I've never eaten any of

this stuff in my life!

What did you pay for all this?

Wasn't Doris on?

- I've got it here somewhere.

- It doesn't matter really.

Just take the list next time, will you?

I'll write you a new one.

Fetch me the writing pad.

I've been keeping my flat clean as well.

Good.

What about you?

When did you last have a shave?

I'm going to call him Macari.

Who?

My budgie.

I'm going to call him Macari,

after Lou Macari.

Right.

Everything has to start

and end with love.

It's a simple message, but one

that we can forget all too easily.

Now, as it says in Corinthians: 1

'If I speak in the tongues of mortals

and angels but do not have love'

'I am a noisy gong or clashing cymbal. '

Now I think we've all encountered

one or two noisy gongs in our lives.

You are looking after yourself,

aren't you, Neil?

Yes, I am.

I always have.

Well, with your mum

in the home and so on

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