Maskerade Page #2

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AND NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO BE

OUT HERE.

- [laughing]

I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH A B*TCH.

I'M SORRY.

I'VE JUST BEEN STRESSED OU AND...

- HEY, IT'S OKAY.

AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER.

- THAT BETTER BE ENOUGH,

BECAUSE WITH A HOUSE

IN BUMFUCK, EGYPT,

WE REALLY DON'T HAVE

MUCH CHOICE.

- JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE

THE REST OF IT.

DON'T MESS WITH A GUY

THAT'S IN LOVE, ALL RIGHT?

- [laughs]

[ominous music]

[clamoring]

GOT IT?

WOW.

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

THIS IS EXCITING, BABE.

- YEAH.

YEAH.

- I'M READY.

- HOPEFULLY OUR KEY'S

GOING TO WORK.

- OOH.

THAT'S AN INTERESTING SMELL.

- SMELLS LIKE

YOUR BELLY BUTTON.

- [laughing]

THAT IS JUST SEXY.

- LET'S GET SOME LIGHTS.

DAMN.

I CALLED TO GE THE POWER TURNED ON,

BUT I GUESS:

THEY NEVER MADE IT.

- WHAT?

NO SOLAR PANELS?

NOT VERY GREEN OF YOU.

[flicking light switch]

- DAMN.

[flicking light switch]

WE GOT PLATES.

- NO, EVAN.

THIS IS ANTIQUE CHINA.

THIS IS REAL SILVER.

LIKE, WHY WOULD THEY LEAVE

THIS STUFF BEHIND?

IT'S, LIKE, GOT TO BE

FAMILY HEIRLOOMS OR SOMETHING.

- THE CONTRACT SAID WE GE ALL THE FURNISHINGS.

- REALLY?

[laughing]

THIS PLACE IS INCREDIBLE.

- RIGHT?

- THE DOWNSTAIRS IS BIGGER

THAN OUR APARTMENT.

- WAIT FOR IT.

WAIT FOR IT.

- OH.

THIS STOVE IS AMAZING.

- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE THAT THING.

- OH, I THINK I ACTUALLY SAW

SOME POTS AND PANS.

- YEAH, THERE SHOULD BE

EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED HERE,

PRETTY MUCH.

IT CAME PRETTY LOADED.

- THERE THEY ARE.

- ALL RIGHT, GIRL.

I KNEW YOU'D FIND THEM.

HEY, REMEMBER,

IF YOU FIND AN OLD TWINKIE,

IT'S STILL GOOD.

- [laughing]

THAT'S REALLY GROSS.

LOOK, BABE.

WE GOT RUNNING WATER.

WATER COMPANY MUST HAVE COME.

- HMM.

BUT IT'S RUN

ON AN ELECTRIC WELL.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HMM.

[tense music]

WHAT THE HELL?

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

HUH.

- EASY, KID.

rip!

- F***!

- DAMN!

SCRAPPY LITTLE:

SON OF A B*TCH.

- [breathing heavily]

WHAT THE F***'S

YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?

- HEY.

YOU'RE ONE OF THEM

SENSITIVE BOYS, AIN'T YA?

AIN'T A THING

TO BE ASHAMED OF.

A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW I'M HERE

TO TURN YOU ON, RIGHT?

- WHAT?

- YOUR POWER.

WANT YOUR HOUSE TO BURN DOWN?

- THE BREAKER BOX IS OVER THERE.

- I'LL TAKE CARE OF YA.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF YA GOOD.

- AH.

OW.

WHAT THE HELL?

IS THIS NATIVE AMERICAN?

[grunts]

OH, SH*T!

UGH!

[sniffing]

[groans]

[eerie music]

COOL.

- OH, YEAH.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

THERE WE GO.

[anxious music]

[buzzing]

- OH!

- WHOA!

- OH, GOD!

DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME

LIKE THAT.

- OH, SH*T!

THAT IS SO DISGUSTING.

OH, IS THAT PINEAPPLE?

I F***ING HATE PINEAPPLE.

- GET IT OUT OF HERE.

- I THOUGHT THE KITCHEN

WAS YOUR DOMAIN.

- EVAN REYNOLDS,

IF YOU EVER WAN TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN,

YOU WILL GET THAT THING

OUT OF HERE.

- OKAY.

[groaning]

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, PORKY.

LET'S GET YOU LORD OF THE FLIES

TO TAKE THE REST ON.

[exhales deeply]

- GO!

- I'M GOING.

- UGH.

[laughter]

- UNLESS I'M MISTAKEN,

I THINK IT'S BEER 30.

- THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

WHERE ARE WE STAYING

TONIGHT?

- I BROUGHT THE CAMPING GEAR.

- SEE, I WAS KIND OF THINKING

ABOUT THAT HOTEL

OFF THE INTERSTATE...

- THE ONE THAT'S, LIKE,

AN HOUR AWAY?

- YEAH.

- COME ON.

WE GOT TO STAY HERE

SOONER OR LATER.

IT'LL BE FUN.

- FUN?

- YES, FUN.

YOU REMEMBER:

WHAT FUN IS, RIGHT?

- YEAH, I REMEMBER

WHAT FUN IS.

YES.

I LIKE FUN.

- YEAH?

- YES, I LIKE FUN.

- I KNEW YOU DID.

[eerie orchestral music]

[crickets chirping]

[creaking]

bang!

- HEY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

- [mumbling] I DON'T KNOW.

NO.

[ominous music]

- [heavy breathing]

- [giggling]

- MARY, WHAT DID I TELL YOU

ABOUT STAYING AWAY

FROM THAT BOY?

- I WAS JUST--

- YOU WERE NOTHING.

NOW GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE I TELL YOUR MAMA.

I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE,

AND THEN I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH

YOU WERE NEVER BORN.

ONE...

TWO...

- WHERE DID YOU GO?

- I HAD TO TAKE CARE

OF SOME BURGLARS.

- HMM.

THANKS, HONEY.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

[jovial banjo music]

- OOH.

- [laughing]

OOH!

- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

- IT'S AN OLD-FASHIONED

IDIOT DETECTOR.

AND LOOK--

IT'S WORKING.

- I DON'T GET IT.

- THAT'S 'CAUSE

YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

- OH.

squeak!

- CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS

FIND ANYTHING?

- AH, YEAH.

WE'RE ACTUALLY--

DO YOU HAVE ANY PAIN AND DROP CLOTHS, BY ANY CHANCE?

- I SURE DO.

I'VE GOT SOME COLOR CHARTS

UP FRONT.

LET'S GO TAKE A LOOK.

- OKAY.

- I'M FRED.

- JENNIFER, EVAN.

- YOU'RE DOING SOME REMODELING.

- WE JUST BOUGHT THE OLD

TUCKER PLACE UP THE ROAD.

WE'RE GONNA BE FIXING IT UP.

- IT'S A GRAND HOUSE.

- GRAND, MY ASS.

- WE CALL HIM MR. PECK.

- SURPRISED IT'S STILL STANDING

AFTER 50 YEARS.

- IT'S ACTUALLY

IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE.

- YOU DON'T SAY?

- TUCKERS DIED IN '61.

THE PLACE HAS BEEN ABANDONED

EVER SINCE.

- ACTUALLY, DO YOU KNOW WHY

THEIR FAMILIES NEVER CLAIMED

THEIR THINGS?

- WELL, THERE WASN' ANY FAMILY LEFT.

THE ESTATE,

IT DIED WHEN THEY DID.

- HOW'D THEY GO?

- THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU

AT THE ASSESSOR'S OFFICE?

- THINK THEY'D HAVE BOUGH THE PLACE IF THEY DID?

- GIVE IT A REST!

I'M SORRY.

- WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

- LOOK, MISTER, IT'S NO MY PLACE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I AIN'T SAYING.

- JUST DON'T GO DIGGING

IN THE BACKYARD.

THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

- WHY?

- OKAY, UM,

LEMON YELLOW.

- WHAT?

- YES. LEMON YELLOW.

THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO PAIN MY KITCHEN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WITH A LITTLE SEMIGLOSS

WHITE TRIM,

YOU'LL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN

IS WHAT I THINK.

AND I'LL DIG UP A COUPLE GALLONS

OF THE STUFF,

AND I'LL BRING IT BY TOMORROW.

- THANK YOU.

COME ON.

THANK YOU.

- I REALLY HOPE YOU KIDS BRING

SOME LIGHT BACK TO THAT HOUSE.

IT'S HAD A DARK CLOUD OVER I FOR A LONG TIME.

squeak!

- WE'LL TRY.

- PUT THAT DOWN.

[bells chime]

- LET ME KNOW WHEN...

WHEN YOU FIND THOSE PAINTS.

I'LL TAKE IT OVER.

- WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THA TO YOURSELF?

- I WANT TO MAKE SURE WHAT WAS

BURIED STAYS BURIED.

- [inhales deeply]

[tense music]

- DIE!

- PEOPLE DON'T COME BACK

FROM THE DEAD.

- I WANT TO MAKE SURE.

- HEY, SAY THAT AGAIN.

I'M STARTING TO LOSE YOU.

OKAY, GREAT.

THANK YOU, MR. BROWN.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL--

HELLO?

HELLO?

ARE YOU STILL THERE?

GOD DAMN IT.

LOST HIM.

- WHO WAS THAT?

- THAT ANTIQUE COLLECTOR.

HE'S GONNA COME BY TOMORROW

TO APPRAISE:

EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.

HE SAID:

SOME OF THOSE HEIRLOOMS

COULD BE WORTH:

MORE THAN THE PROPERTY ITSELF.

[ominous orchestral music]

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER

THAT OLD KOOK.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK

HE WAS TALKING ABOUT?

- I BET HE WAS JUST PISSED

THAT WE BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH.

HE'S PROBABLY IN THE PROCESS

OF COUNTING HIS PENNIES

BEFORE I SWOOPED IN AND

SNATCHED IT OUT FROM UNDER HIM.

- [laughing]

LUCKY ME.

I GOT MY OWN DONALD TRUMP

SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

- AT LEAST WE HAVE

OUR FRIENDS HERE

IN CASE HE TURNS OUT TO BE

A TOTAL NUTJOB.

- WHAT FRIENDS?

- FEAST YOUR EYES,

BIRTHDAY GIRL.

- AH!

[laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

- HAPPY F***ING BIRTHDAY,

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