Me and Mrs Jones Page #6

Season #1 Episode #6

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TOM:

(thank you nod to

waiter)

Khorb koon ka.

The WAITER does a little bow and leaves.

TOM:

Thong yib - pinched golden egg

yolks for you and sang kha ya fak

thong - Thai custard with pumpkin

for me.

GEMMA:

Yummy.

GEMMA tucks in. TOM doesn’t he looks at bit perturbed.

TOM:

Gemma I...

TOM stops GEMMA looks up and smiles.

GEMMA:

What’s wrong, not lusting after

my pinched egg yolks are you?

TOM:

Have I been a bit over the top?

GEMMA:

What?

TOM:

I think possibly I’ve been trying

too hard this evening and I think

I might be coming over as a bit

of a knob.

GEMMA:

No...

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

31.

TOM:

It’s just it took me so long to

pluck up the courage to ask you

out, and then you said yes and

now we’re here and I feel...

GEMMA:

I’ve had a really lovely evening

Tom. It’s nice to feel like a

grown up again, I’m glad I said

yes.

She smiles. He smiles. She smiles.

TOM:

You really do have great teeth.

CUT TO:

18 INT. TRENDY BAR. NIGHT 18

BILLY is stood at the bar with the Manager, RACHEL, 30’s

and cool. They are watching ALFIE who is chatting to FROSTY

GIRL.

RACHEL:

So you’re mates with our Alfie

then?

BILLY:

Yep, four months intercontinental

mayhem ending with him being

chased out of China by an old

woman with a broom.

RACHEL:

Sounds like Alfie - what had he

done? Broken her heart?

BILLY:

She had three daughters.

RACHEL:

(knowing)

Ah.

BILLY:

Three broken hearts and one

broken broom. She was a bit of a

ninja granny.

RACHEL:

So you thought here was a safer

bet?

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

32.

BILLY:

That and we ran out of cash. Do

you need anyone?

RACHEL:

Sexually no, I’ve just turned

lesbian.

She smiles over at MEGAN her partner clearing tables.

BILLY:

Right, congratulations. But I

meant work wise.

RACHEL:

You worked a bar before?

BILLY:

2 months in Portugal, 3 months in

Goa, 3 days in China.

RACHEL:

3 days?

BILLY:

The Ninja granny ran us out of

town.

RACHEL:

Since you’re a mate of Alfie’s, I

shouldn’t even entertain the idea

but... I’ll give you a trial run

tomorrow.

BILLY:

Cheers.

We look over at ALFIE who is with FROSTY GIRL and she’s

proudly sticking her breasts out and ALFIE has his hands on

them in a ‘matter of fact’ way, as if analyzing them

somehow.

FROSTY GIRL:

Well, what do you think?

ALFIE:

(matter of fact)

You’re right they do feel kinda

natural.

FROSTY GIRL:

Told ya.

BILLY and RACHEL smile.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

33.

BILLY:

(to RACHEL)

You better get your broom.

CUT TO:

19 EXT. DOORSTEP GEMMA’S HOUSE. NIGHT 19

GEMMA and TOM are standing on her doorstep. She is

rummaging for her keys in her bag, she hands her bag to TOM

to hold while she carries on rummaging in it.

GEMMA:

I should have a key round my neck

I can never find anything in this

bag. It’s a bottomless pit.

She brings out a doll’s torso, football cards and a pair of

socks which she hands to TOM.

GEMMA:

Well, apart from the doll’s head,

the football cards and the socks

of course.

(ALTERNATE ITEMS: Trump cards, Math attaxs cards, conkers,

dolls leg, stickers, plastic necklace, broken tiara, play

figure, mouth organ, empty juice carton)

This is now the moment on a date where a couple might kiss -

or might not - so there is a bit of an awkward atmosphere

as they both know this.

TOM:

So....

GEMMA:

So err....

TOM:

You fancy another date sometime?

GEMMA:

Er...yes. That would be nice.

TOM goes to kiss her on the lips, only she goes to kiss him

on the cheek - the result is he kisses her on the ear hole.

GEMMA:

Sorry.

TOM:

Sorry. I’m rushing things.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

34.

GEMMA:

No, it’s fine just caught me off

guard. But I’m on guard now, so

you could try again, maybe. If

you wanted to...

He goes to kiss her again, this time they kiss.

GEMMA:

(whispers)

I can’t feel my feet.

TOM:

(whispers romantically)

I know what you mean.

GEMMA:

No, I mean I really can’t feel my

feet, I think you’re standing on

them.

TOM:

What! Oh sorry.

BILLY comes round the corner and walks straight in on them.

BILLY:

Oh sorry, sorry, don’t mind me

carry on. Hello Tom.

He fumbles for his key, trying not to interrupt. It’s a

squeeze on the step.

GEMMA:

Where’s Alfie?

BILLY:

Still sampling some of the local

delights.

They all stand awkwardly on the doorstep.

BILLY:

Right I’ll leave you to it.

They all stand awkwardly again.

BILLY:

Bye.

TOM:

Bye.

BILLY lets himself in.

GEMMA:

Hold the door. Thanks again Tom,

see you at school.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

35.

GEMMA and BILLY go in and close the door leaving a confused

TOM. He puts the doll’s head and football cards on the

window ledge and posts the socks through the letter box.

CUT TO:

20 INT. GEMMA’S HOUSE. NIGHT 20

GEMMA follows BILLY into the house.

BILLY:

I’m really sorry for interrupting

your...

GEMMA:

It’s fine. Got to keep them

wanting more.

BILLY:

Mind if I make a coffee?

GEMMA:

No go ahead.

BILLY goes into the kitchen. GEMMA kicks off her shoes and

goes over to the computer.

GEMMA:

No!

She tries again. She is now panicking.

GEMMA:

No no no!

BILLY comes back into the living room.

GEMMA:

No!!!

BILLY:

Everything alright?

GEMMA:

I need to send my work. It won’t

turn on!

BILLY:

Let me look.

GEMMA:

Do you know what you’re doing?

BILLY:

Trust me I used to be a big nerd.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

36.

GEMMA:

How big?

BILLY:

NHS specs and acne big.

GEMMA:

Do it.

BILLY goes up to the computer. He looks at it.

GEMMA:

What’s wrong with it?

BILLY:

Shhh...

She looks away as BILLY looks closely at it then looks at

the wall and puts the plug in and turns it on, it comes on.

BILLY:

There we go.

GEMMA:

Oh thank you, thank you!

She hugs him.

BILLY:

It was just unplugged. It’s the

first place us big nerds look.

You’d be surprised how many...

Suddenly he stops speaking and they realise that he is

still holding her. They both look at each other. The moment

is broken when the back door opens and JASON comes in with

the twins holding a bucket. GEMMA and BILLY step away from

each other. JASON doesn’t see them he is too caught up with

ushering the sick kids in.

JASON:

Gemma! The kids have been

throwing up all over the place.

Inca has beansprout puke in her

hair extensions. She’s in a

terrible state.

GEMMA runs to the kids. BILLY goes in to help.

GEMMA:

Beansprouts?

JESS:

She made us eat green stringy

stuff mum.

And with that JESS throws up all over BILLY’s trousers.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

37.

GEMMA:

Oh no! Sorry Billy.

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