Me and the Colonel Page #2

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Explain.

My orderly takes care of transportation.

You might explain to the Colonel that

his orderly may encounter some difficulty.

But together we can arrange...

Cosette, will you ask Monsieur Grabowsky

why he says "we"? Where is we?

I am Tadaeusz Boleslav Prokoszny.

S.L. Jacobowsky. Delighted.

Don't you remember us?

- Us? Who is "us"?

- The Jacobowskys from Horodenka.

You see, the Colonel and I come from

the same village in Poland, you know.

- Really?

- Oh, yes.

It is true. I come from Horodenka.

It is one of my father's villages.

Who inhabits these villages I do not know.

Our rent collector knows.

It's a geographical accident.

No significance.

Still, when one travels together,

it's more pleasant than when one...

When I travel, I travel alone.

When I travel with company,

it's company that I choose.

- Tell him that.

- Yes, let me explain why I choose him.

You see, the Colonel is a strong man.

He's a chivalrous man.

He's a military man. And a military man

can requisition an automobile.

Now, he has every right to know

why he chooses me.

Well, if I say so myself,

I am a resourceful man.

Perhaps I can find an automobile

for the Colonel to requisition.

You see, strength plus resourcefulness.

Isn't that a wonderful combination

for an emergency like this?

He and I do not speak the same language.

Fortunately, we have a charming interpreter.

Hear me, Monsieur Leibowitz!

You're a clever man. You know what I mean.

Please do not force me

to bring it into the open.

But take my word for it. Any association

between us is simply not possible.

There is no such thing as "not possible".

My mother used to say,

there are always two possibilities.

I disagree with your mother.

For a true man, there's only one possibility.

That's not enough.

With one possibility, I cannot manoeuvre.

I repeat, for a man of honour,

one possibility.

If that were true,

I'd have died I don't know how many times.

Now you put your finger on the issue

between us.

I do not fear death.

Honourable death, I welcome.

For me, that is the one possibility.

Honourable death.

What about an honourable life?

Isn't that a possibility, too?

Listen, Leibowitz,

even if you were Baron Rothschild himself,

and were sitting out there

in his Rolls Royce,

I would not go with you.

Good night, sir.

- Madame Bouffier?

- Yes?

The Baron Rothschild,

do you happen to know his address?

S.L. Jacobowsky.

I am a relative of the Baron.

- Distant, but still a relative.

- The Baron has left Paris.

Actually, it's not the Baron I want to see.

I would like to talk to his chauffeur.

You're talking to him.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

I have a strong family feeling.

I am quite willing to take one of

the Baron's automobiles off his hands.

Have you any proof

of your relationship to the Baron?

Certainly.

Monsieur.

In all Paris, no vehicles.

Dr Szicki has tried everything.

Impossible to get automobile.

Thank you very much.

Just a moment. Are you quite sure

you cannot drive me to Hendaye?

I will pay you very well.

I'm sorry, monsieur, but I have two more

automobiles to sell this afternoon.

- You must go at once.

- Thank you, madame.

It just came over the radio.

The Germans are already in Reims.

You must go at once.

That is my intention,

my dear Madame Bouffier.

First I must find a driver.

Leibowitz!

You see, there are always two possibilities.

- I apologise. I'm taking your advice.

- I am delighted. You are welcome.

You advised me

to requisition an automobile.

In the service of my country,

I requisition this automobile.

But, Colonel, why do you

have to requisition this automobile

when we already have it?

- How much did you pay for it?

- 50,000 francs.

Make out compensation order, 60,000 francs.

But, Colonel,

I have no wish to make a profit.

Take out what belongs to him.

- Put in what belongs to us.

- Yes, sir.

Perhaps I did not

make myself clear, Colonel.

I bought this automobile for us.

You insist in using this

intimate pronoun "us"?

- I am on a military mission.

- I have every reason to wish it success.

I won't interfere, I assure you.

He refuses to understand.

I understand perfectly.

The Colonel does not like Jews.

He cannot help that.

That's the way he was brought up.

I am Jewish. I cannot help that.

That's the way I was brought up.

But what has that to do with

our escaping together in this automobile?

Evidently you do not mind

to travel with somebody like me.

You're very tolerant.

- I can't afford not to be tolerant.

- I can.

- Be careful with my vodka.

- Yes, sir.

But, Colonel, you can't leave

Monsieur Jacobowsky stranded here.

Not my problem.

Szabuniewicz!

You have compensation order?

Yes, sir.

How will you get across the border,

without an automobile, without a visa?

My dear Madame Bouffier,

when you take one of these,

you can cross any border,

without an automobile, without a visa.

When we've won the war, the Polish

government will honour this in Warsaw.

It will go into my estate.

Dearest Cosette, in the cathedral of my

heart, a candle will always burn for you.

You are a thief, monsieur.

You charge me 60,000 francs

for an automobile that doesn't move.

It doesn't move because,

look, there's no gasoline.

No gasoline?

No gasoline.

Then why did you sell me this automobile

when you have no gasoline?

No.

In the first place,

I did not sell you this automobile.

You confiscated it.

In the second place,

who says I have no gasoline?

You have gasoline?

Must have gasoline. Must have Jacobowsky.

Less and less I like this Jacobowsky.

This automobile is a fake.

Perhaps if you release the hand-brake.

The Colonel is an experienced motorist?

- I am a cavalry man.

- Modern cavalry is generally motorised.

In Poland, no.

It's amazing.

I heard that all the roads

leading south from Paris

were absolutely crowded with refugees.

But, look, look at this.

Very annoying.

Pardon. Pardon me, Colonel.

Pardon. Pardon me, Colonel.

Corporal, could you arrange for me

to speak to the Colonel, please?

Colonel singing, and when Colonel singing,

does not wish conversing.

But he has made a...

There has been a terrible mistake.

We should be heading south

toward Orleans.

Instead, we are heading north toward Reims.

Colonel has business in Reims.

Business?

But that's where the Germans are.

- Colonel not afraid of Germans.

- But don't you understand?

The submarine is waiting for him

in the opposite direction.

- Less and less I like this Jacobowsky.

- You see? You irritate him.

- Sorry, Sister. Are you all right?

- Hurry, Sister.

Excuse me, Sister.

You are going south, aren't you?

Well, of course. The Germans are only

50 kilometres from here.

Szabuniewicz, tell me something.

Is he crazy or am I crazy?

- We go first to pick up a lady.

- Lady? What kind of a lady?

- Lady love.

- At a time like this?

For Colonel, any time good for romance.

Tadaeusz!

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