Mean Girls Page #6

Look, I know she can be really

mean sometimes, but...

- Then why do you like her?

- Why do you?

Look, there's good and bad

to everybody. Right?

Regina's just...

- She's just more up-front about it.

- Oh, no. It was coming up.

The word vomit.

I didn't mean to say it, but...

She's cheating on you!

What?

Did he say why?

Somebody told him

about Shane Oman.

Who?

He said some guy

on the baseball team.

Baseball team?

I gave him everything.

I was half a virgin when I met him.

You wanna do something fun?

You wanna go to Taco Bell?

I can't go to Taco Bell,

I'm on an all-carb diet.

God, Karen, you are so stupid!

Regina, wait. Talk to me.

- Nobody understands me.

- I understand you.

You're not stupid, Karen.

No. I am, actually.

I'm failing almost everything.

Well, there must be something

you're good at.

I can put my whole fist

in my mouth.

Wanna see?

No. That's OK.

Anything else?

I'm kind of psychic.

I have a fifth sense.

- What do you mean?

- It's like I have ESPN or something.

My breasts can always tell

when it's gonna rain.

Really? That's amazing.

Well, they can tell when it's raining.

I have to admit,

I was mildly horrified

when Aaron didn't immediately

ask me to be his girlfriend.

I mean, I know he was sad,

but how much time did he need?

Regina had moved on.

Do you guys need anything?

Some snacks?

A condom?

Let me know.

Oh, God love you.

But overall, the plan

was going pretty well.

Aaron had dumped Regina,

and she was unknowingly

eating 5,000 calories a day.

It was time to turn our attention

to the army of skanks.

And finally, the nominees for

Spring Fling Queen are as follows:

And finally, the nominees for

Spring Fling Queen are as follows:

Regina George.

Gretchen Wieners.

Janis lan.

What is happening to the world?

And the final nominee...

I couldn't help myself.

It was so easy.

... is Cady Heron.

Damian, you put me in there too?

That's not part of the plan.

I didn't put you in there.

You mean I'm really nominated?

In January, Regina had put

a Spring Fling dress on hold

at a store called 1-3-5.

But being Plastic,

she needed our advice

before she could actually buy it.

Can someone zip me up?

- It won't close.

- It's a 5.

OK, it must be marked wrong.

Cady, all I've been eating are

these Klteen bars. They suck.

No, no, this is just how they work.

This is all your water weight.

First you bloat, and then you

drop 10 pounds like that:

Well, the Klteen bars

have burned up all your carbs,

and now your body's

just running on water.

But once the water's gone,

then you'll be all muscle.

It explains it all on the label.

You know Swedish?

Yeah, everyone in Africa

can read Swedish.

Ma'am, do you have this

in the next size up?

Sorry. We only carry

sizes 1, 3 and 5.

You could try Sears.

Cady.

I need your parents to sign this

so they know that you're failing.

Failing?

You know what's weird

about your quizzes, Cady,

is that all the work is right

and just the answers are wrong.

- Really?

- Really.

Cady, I know that having a boyfriend

may seem like the most important

thing in the world right now,

but you don't have to dumb yourself

down to get guys to like you.

- How would you know?

- I know,

"How would I know", right?

I'm divorced.

I'm broke from getting divorced.

The only guy that ever calls my house

is Randy from Chase Visa.

And you know why?

Because I'm a pusher.

I push people.

I pushed my husband into law school.

That was a bust.

I pushed myself

into working three jobs.

And now I'm gonna push you

because I know

you're smarter than this.

Thanks, Ms. Norbury.

And if there's anything I can do

for extra credit, please let me know.

Oh, I will.

I hate her! I mean, she's totally

failing me on purpose

because I didn't join

those stupid Mathletes!

She was so queer.

She was like, "I'm a pusher, Cady.

I'm a pusher."

What does that even mean?

- Like a drug pusher?

- Probably.

She said she works three jobs.

You know, I bet she sells drugs

on the side

to pay for her pathetic divorce.

You let it out, honey.

Put it in the book.

I know it may look

like I'd become a b*tch,

but that's only because

I was acting like a b*tch.

Hey, I called you last night.

How come you didn't call me back?

Oh, I got busy. Sorry.

So you need a ride to my art show

this weekend?

No. I have to go to Madison

with my parents.

I'm so sorry.

Well, you wanna

watch a movie tonight?

Can't. I'm doing major

Plastic sabotage tonight.

But we don't have anything

planned for tonight.

Oh, I planned this one on my own.

Love you. Bye.

Gretchen thinks you're mad at her

because she's running

for Spring Fling Queen.

Oh, my God, I'm not mad at her.

I'm worried about her.

I think somebody nominated her

as a joke or something.

And when nobody votes for her,

she's gonna have a total meltdown.

And who's gonna have

to take care of her? Me.

So you don't think

anyone will vote for her?

Cady, she's not pretty.

I mean, that sounds bad,

but whatever.

The Spring Fling Queen

is always pretty.

And the crazy thing is

is that it should be Karen,

but people forget about her

because she's such a slut.

Anyway, I gotta go.

I'm going to bed.

Well, she's not mad at you.

- Hold on.

- Are you OK?

- Hello?

- If someone said something bad

about you, you'd want me

to tell you, right?

- No.

- What if it was someone

you thought was your friend?

What are you...?

Hold on. Other line.

- I'm not taking this anymore.

- Good for you, Gretch.

- Hello?

- Let's go out.

OK. Hold on. I'm on the other

line with Gretchen.

Don't invite Gretchen.

She's driving me nuts.

- Hold on.

- OK, hurry up.

It's Regina.

She wants to hang out with me

tonight, but she told me not to tell you.

Do not hang out with her.

- Why?

- You don't want me to tell you.

You can tell me. Hold on.

Oh, my God,

she's so annoying.

Who is?

- Who's this?

- Gretchen.

Right. Hold on.

- Oh, my God, she's so annoying.

- I know. Just get rid of her.

OK. What is it?

Regina says everyone hates you

because you're such a slut.

She said that?

You didn't hear it from me.

- Little harsh, Gretch.

- Whatever. She has a right to know.

I can't go out.

I'm sick.

Boo. You whore.

Regina,

we have to talk to you.

Is butter a carb?

Yes.

Regina, you're wearing sweatpants.

It's Monday.

- So?

- So that's against the rules

and you can't sit with us.

Whatever. Those rules aren't real.

They were real

that day I wore a vest.

- Because that vest was disgusting.

- You can't sit with us!

These sweatpants are all

that fits me right now.

Fine.

You can walk home, b*tches.

Watch where you're going, fat-ass!

Gretchen and Karen followed me

around all afternoon.

- So, what are we doing this weekend?

- Yeah, what are we doing?

Oh, I have to go to Madison

with my parents.

What...?

We have tickets for this thing.

- What?

- What?

Was I the new queen bee?

I can try and get out of it.

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