Mean Girls Page #9

Oh, yeah. I need you to sign

my calculus test.

- Why?

- I'm failing.

OK. You are...

What do they call it?

Grounded.

You're grounded.

She pushed her in front of the bus.

Did you see her do it?

Yes.

Did your teacher ever try to sell you

marijuana or Ecstasy tablets?

- No.

- What are marijuana tablets?

What's going on?

Where's Ms. Norbury?

Mr. Duvall, this is ridiculous.

Ms. Norbury does not sell drugs.

I know, Aaron. But after

the allegations against Coach Carr

turned out to be extremely true,

the school board felt that it was best

that we investigate every claim made

in this Burn Book.

That book was written

by a bunch of stupid girls

who make up rumors

because they're bored

with their own lame lives.

Well, unless someone wants to come

forward and say, "I made it all up",

this is how we have to handle it.

To say that someone...

Oh, no. Bye, Aaron.

You're gonna hate me forever.

Mr. Duvall.

I wrote it.

Come on, Cady.

When you get bit by a snake,

you're supposed to suck

the poison out.

That's what I had to do.

Suck all the poison out of my life.

I started with Regina,

who was living proof that the more

people are scared of you,

the more flowers you get.

Then there was Ms. Norbury,

who was living proof that no

good deed goes unpunished.

Oh, hi. Did you wanna

buy some drugs?

- I'm just done with my quiz.

- Wait. I'll grade it right now.

I gotta say, watching the police

search my house

really was the cherry on top

of a fantastic year.

How much trouble did you get in

for telling the truth?

A lot.

You didn't write that whole book

yourself.

Did you tell Mr. Duvall who else did it?

No, because I'm trying

this new thing

where I don't talk about people

behind their backs.

That's all right. Getting hit by a bus

is pretty good punishment.

Ninety-four.

Welcome back, nerd.

Thanks.

Anyway...

...l'm sorry.

I forgive you.

But as my own personal

form of punishment,

I figured out how you're gonna

earn that extra credit.

What's up?

Excellent. Great turnout this year.

- All right. It's all you.

- OK.

- Make me look good out there.

- OK.

Marymount, you sons of b*tches.

You no-good sons of b*tches.

- You nervous?

- Yes.

Don't be. You can do this.

There's nothing to break your focus,

because not one of those

Marymount boys is cute.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Illinois High School

Mathletes State Championship.

Let's start the competition.

Here is the first question.

Twice the larger of two numbers

is three more than five times

the smaller, and the sum

of four times the larger

and three times the smaller is 71.

What are...?

- North Shore?

- Fourteen and five.

That is correct.

Question number two.

Find an odd three-digit number

whose digits add up to 12.

The digits are all different, and the

difference between the first two digits

equals the difference between...

- Marymount?

- 741.

- Correct.

- Shoot. I was really rusty.

- Where's Cady?

- She went out.

She's grounded.

Are they not allowed out

when they're grounded?

Don't forget to vote for Spring Fling

King and Queen, people.

These A-holes will represent you

for a full calendar year.

I'm gonna vote for Regina George

because she got hit by that bus.

I'm voting for Cady Heron

because she pushed her.

She's supposed to be grounded,

but he let her out.

After 87 minutes of very

competitive play, we have a tie.

In the event of a tie, we move

into a sudden-death round.

Each team is given the opportunity

to choose their opponent.

- North Shore, who do you select?

- The girl, dude. The girl.

Contestant Krafft.

From Marymount,

Miss Caroline Krafft.

We pick the girl too.

And from North Shore,

Miss Cady Heron.

It's Cady.

Oh, my God, that's me.

Miss Caroline Krafft seriously

needed to pluck her eyebrows.

Her outfit looked like it was picked out

by a blind Sunday school teacher.

And she had some 99-cent

lip gloss on her snaggletooth.

And that's when I realized,

making fun of Caroline Krafft

wouldn't stop her

from beating me in this contest.

Contestants,

find the limit of this equation.

Calling somebody else fat

won't make you any skinnier.

Calling someone stupid

doesn't make you any smarter.

And ruining Regina George's life

definitely didn't make me any happier.

All you can do in life is try to solve

the problem in front of you.

- The limit is negative one.

- Oh, crap. I lost.

That answer is incorrect.

Now, we are in a sudden death.

If Miss Heron can answer

this problem correctly,

we have a winner.

Limits. Why couldn't I remember

anything about limits?

Limits. That was the week

Aaron got his hair cut.

Oh, God, he looked so cute.

OK, focus, Cady.

What was on the board

behind Aaron's head?

If the limit never approaches

anything...

The limit does not exist.

The limit does not exist!

Our new state champions,

- the North Shore Mathletes.

- Yeah!

How do you like me now?

You like that? Yeah!

Get some! Get some!

Awesome. You went

with the leather sleeves.

- Africa, you did the damn thing.

- Thanks.

Thanks, K.G.

We're gonna look so kick-ass

in these when we roll into Spring Fling.

- Oh, no, I'm not going.

- What?

Cady, this is your night.

Don't let the haters

stop you from doing your thang.

Did you just say "thang"?

Cady, you don't have to punish

yourself forever.

But I'm grounded.

You're already out.

All right, do we have all

of our nominees

for king and queen on the stage?

OK, good. I just wanted to say

that you're all winners.

And I could not be happier

that this school year's ending.

Here we go. The winner

of the Spring Fling King,

- Shane Oman.

- Yes!

That's what I'm talking about!

And your Spring Fling Queen,

future co-chair

of the Student Activities Board

and winner of two gift certificates

to the Walker Brothers

Pancake House,

Cady Heron.

Where is Cady?

There she is.

Thanks.

Well, half the people in this room

are mad at me.

And the other half only like me

because they think I pushed

somebody in front of a bus.

So that's not good.

You know, it's not really required

of you to make a speech.

I'm almost done, I swear.

To all the people whose feelings

that got hurt by the Burn Book,

I'm really sorry.

You know, I've never been

to one of these things before.

And when I think about

how many people wanted this

and how many people

cried over it and stuff...

I mean, I think everybody

looks like royalty tonight.

Look at Jessica Lopez.

That dress is amazing.

And Emma Gerber, I mean,

that hairdo must have taken hours,

and you look really pretty.

So...

...why is everybody stressing

over this thing?

I mean, it's just plastic.

Could really just...

Share it.

A piece for Gretchen Wieners,

a partial Spring Fling Queen.

A piece for Janis lan.

Seriously, most people

just take the crown and go.

And a piece for Regina George.

She fractured her spine,

and she still looks like a rock star.

Thank you.

Rate this script:3.8 / 31 votes