Meatballs 4 Page #2

(GUN FIRES)

Wow!

Great shot. Where did you

learn to shot like that?

I used to live in Detroit.

Want to try? Yeah.

When you're ready,

just yell "pull", okay?

WADE:
Ready when you are,

killer.

Pull!

(SCREAMS)

Hey, not yet.

I'm not ready...

(GUN FIRES)

Hey. Look out.

No. I got a...

(GRUNTING)

How did I do?

Oh, I'd say

you were pretty effective.

(GIGGLES)

Did you see...

Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.

I know I promised not to interfere.

But, look, I'm concerned here.

The meet is only a week away, and frankly,

I don't see much talent out there.

Oh, Neil, relax.

This is only the first week.

I'm gonna get them going.

Tomorrow we'll dig in deep.

It's going to be fine. And besides,

you don't need a lot of talent.

Look at your career.

Hey. It ain't the Pope.

Take a hike.

Yes?

Mrs. Monica Shavetts

would like to speak with you.

The Twin Oaks owner?

My, my, my, Mr. Peterson.

This is so quaint and cozy.

It's very provincial.

Kind of late in the day

for introductions, isn't it?

I do apologize.

I just know how busy

you must be during the day.

I mean, what do you have here,

60 or 70 campers staying?

Something like that. Yeah.

My. I have 127.

Well, like they say. It's not the

quantity, it's the quality, right?

Please excuse Nunzio and his

walnut fetish, Mr. Peterson.

He lacked a certain amount

of oxygen during childbirth.

What do you want,

Mrs. Shavetts?

Cut to the chase.

I like that in a man.

My friends at the bank

have informed me

that Lakeside Camp is experiencing

some minor financial difficulty.

A minor problem?

A delinquent $200,000 mortgage

is a pretty big problem.

Especially for a money-losing

venture such as Lakeside.

Now... Nunzio. Sh*t!

Whatever you say, ma'am. Hey,

buddy, where's your toilet?

Light me, you idiot.

Sorry, ma'am.

Dick.

Allow me to introduce you

to my latest venture.

Mountain View

Golfing Community.

350 acres of golfing

and vacationing bliss.

It's been a dream of mine

for many years, Mr. Peterson.

However, there is one problem.

My camp is the only lakeside

property zoned for new construction.

Precisely. That's why

I'm here with an offer.

$500,000 in cash for Lakeside.

Enough to pay off

your mortgage

and to make your pending

retirement more comfortable.

I'm willing to give you

a few days to think about it.

No need.

I can give you my answer now.

No.

I know your type,

Mrs. Shavetts.

You'd do anything

to make a buck.

The difference between you and me is

that I care about this little lake

and you don't give a good damn what happens

to it as long as the cash flows in.

Next you'll be changing the laws to

bring in gambling and prostitution.

Oh, no. Those are illegal.

As is stealing.

Perhaps I should have you arrested

for stealing Ricky Wade from me.

I didn't steal anybody. Ricky

came to me on his own for a job.

Said he didn't care much

for the new owner over there.

Now I know why.

So if you people

don't mind...

Thank you for your time, Mr. Peterson.

I do hope you'll reconsider.

Banks don't wait forever,

you know.

"Buddy, where's your toilet?"

Yeah.

Hey, come on in,

boys and girls.

Hey, wait till you hear the

orchestra we've got tonight.

(LAUGHS)

Ooh...

Hello, Neil.

Oh, well, hello...

Hillary.

My friends call me Hilly.

(CHUCKLING) How about that?

By any chance,

are you checking IDs?

No.

Good. 'Cause all I brought

was my IUD.

(EXCLAIMING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sure you don't have it?

It's my favorite.

Dude, I told you before. I

don't have any Wayne Newton.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

Hi. Hi.

I'm Howie. Who are you?

Hillary.

You know, you really shouldn't buy

your aftershave at a yard sale.

All right, baby. Oh!

(ALL CLAPPING)

Thank you.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

Elvis has left the building.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay.

All right, listen.

Seriously, before I get off...

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Uh, no, really, folks.

I'd like to at this time take a minute

to recognize our Neil Peterson.

(ALL CHEERING)

Who is the only man to guarantee you

a good time or your money back.

(WHOOPS)

Yeah.

This man is also the only man

who has ever successfully

completed the triple hinge.

(WHOOPING)

Now, tomorrow morning, I'm

gonna be holding the tryouts

for our annual ski meet

competition against Twin Oaks.

Now, if you're not familiar

with Twin Oaks,

Twin Oaks is that big fancy rich

place on steroids across the lake.

Now, this meet

is very important to Neil

because Twin Oaks has won the

last three years in a row.

BOY:
All right. Bite me.

Now, tomorrow

is not mandatory, okay?

You can try out if you want to.

You don't have to. However!

If you are into getting the full

enjoyment of your ski vacation

and, believe me, there is

no thrill in the world

like watching your competition

eat your wake.

(ALL CHEERING)

Right?

Then, go on and party on and we'll

see you at 9:
00 a.m. in the morning.

Sharp.

(ALL CHEERING)

You, know, was it me, or have I

seen this shirt somewhere before?

Nice shirt. I see the 10 has taste.

Does he have a name?

Yeah, actually,

it's Wes, Jennifer.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

(SLOW ROCK PLAYING)

Oh, boy.

I have nothing to fear

but fear itself.

I have everything to gain

and nothing to lose.

Come on, Victor, do it.

Do it. Do it!

I'm a winner, not a loser.

I'm a winner, not a loser.

I'm a winner, not a loser.

I'm a winner, not a loser. Come on,

Victor. I'm a winner, not a loser.

I'm a winner, not a loser.

Oh, God.

My God, my dress!

I'm sorry. I tripped.

Oh, you idiot.

I didn't mean it.

God, some guys

get all the women.

What's wrong with you? You look like the

jury just gave you the electric chair.

Monica Shavetts came by. She made

me an offer to buy Lakeside.

Whoa, man. Stay away from that

woman. I'm serious. She is bad news.

Well, you don't

have to convince me.

Oh, Ricky,

this meet is so important.

I've just got to generate

more business.

Don't worry.

If we win it, they will come.

And we will win. Trust me.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

You mad at me? No.

Is it because I didn't get

the rec director's job?

No. Of course not. It's just,

it's different this year.

You mean

because of Ricky Wade?

No. It has nothing to do with

Ricky. He's ancient history.

Ancient history? Yeah.

Well, you know what they say about

history repeating itself, don't you?

Look, will you just...

Hark. Hark. What is this

my eyes see before me?

A man, a young attractive man standing

by himself on a porch at night

with a party going on.

Where's the party police?

Party police!

There's a man standing out here by

himself and his name is Victor.

I'm sorry, honest.

I didn't mean that.

Didn't mean what?

Take your choice.

Dumping water on everybody.

Smashing the women's shower.

Causing that.

Sorry. I'm such a klutz.

You did all that?

In one day?

Oh...

It's true. It is you.

It's the Devil.

Where's that sign?

"666 Damian."

Come on, Damian,

I know it's you.

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