Meet Dave Page #4

L want to send this out

to every precinct, every security company

and every hospital in the city

until we lD this guy right here.

This is incredible. Just amazing.

Amazing that two idiots like you

could've passed the police exam.

-See? l tried to tell him, Sarge.

-Hold on.

Lt is a fact, a fact, that something

or someone has landed here.

Now, we could be making the biggest

scientific discovery of all time.

L don't want to hear another word

about E.T., Bigfoot or the Tooth Fairy,

unless they're jacking some old lady's car.

-You got that?

-Yes, sir.

-That's good aim, Sarge.

-Shut up!

-Dooley. What are you doing?

-l'm sending it anyway, Knox.

No, it's just a guy

who shoved his face in the dirt.

No, wrong. lt is an alien,

an alien who shoved his face in the dirt,

and l am gonna find him.

Power reserves at 20%, sir.

That only gives us about 12 hours.

Then every minute counts.

Remember our mission, crew.

We must find the boy with the orb.

No distractions.

This is not acceptable!

Andhere we go, ladies andgentlemen.

Chuck starts offfast out ofthe gate,

eating down those dogs,

but EarlandHomer are right behindhim.

Look at them go! Look at them go!

-Come on, Dave, eat!

-Dave, just put it in your mouth!

-What are you doing? Eat it!

-Just put one in your mouth, Dave!

-Put it in, come on, now!

-Dave! Dave, eat!

You never should have

signed him up for this.

-What are you doing, Dave? Eat!

-Eat it, Dave! Put it in your mouth!

Yeah, all right! Yeah! Yeah!

A little heads-up might be nice!

Hey! Can a brother

get some hot sauce with that?

Look at him go!

Our champion!

Eighty-five delicious all-beefhot dogs!

Yeah!

Yeah, boy! Yeah!

Well executed, Captain.

Dave, that was amazing!

You are a wiener-eating champ!

Andhere's the grandprize.

We're under attack!

Lt's the creature from Thanos 7!

Battle stations!

You have menaced us

for the last time, you beast!

Lt seems that this is

an inanimate creature.

At ease!

The question is, what are we expected

to do with this plush amphibian?

Give it to her, Captain.

The female. Give it to her.

Silly goose.

You are such a goofball.

For me? Thanks, Dave. That was...

That's very sweet.

Redalert, Captain! Redalert!

We need to dispose of the large quantity

of processed meat tubes!

Excuse me.

My colon is impacted.

Okay.

Show-off!

Excuse me! Excuse me, we met yesterday.

-Mark Rhodes.

-Mark Rhodes?

-Right. The left again.

-Yeah.

-So, you here by yourself?

-No, l am not.

L am accompanying Josh and Gina.

All evening we have been

screaming with fear and delight.

Look, you and l

should get something straight,

and l'm not trying to

step on your toes, here.

Lf you're serious about Gina,

then that's great,

because she deserves

a decent guy in her life,

but if l find out that you're just

trying to take advantage of her,

and you're using Josh to do it,

you and l

are gonna have a serious problem.

You understand what l'm saying?

Yes, l understand completely,

Mark Rhodes.

Does anyone here understand

what this man is talking about?

He's trying to discern if you intend

on becoming Gina's mate.

What an absurd notion!

L intend on becoming Gina's mate?

She's the size of our science pavilion.

These primitive creatures

and their silly speculations!

Wait! What's that?

-What do you want, midget?

-Rich, you gotta give me my rock back.

Oh, really? Why?

Because it's really important

to me and my friend, Dave.

Lt's the jerk we seek!

Rich, you've gotta give me my rock back!

Boy, it's like

you're asking me to punch you!

So, Smellmy, we meet again.

Dave.

Stop! You're giving me a wedgie!

Stop! Please put me down, already!

Smellmy, are you crying

because you are sad

or because your undergarments are

lodged so cuttingly deep in your rectum?

L'm telling my mom.

Mom ! Mom !

Dave, that was unbelievable! High-five!

They don't high-five where you're from?

-No, but they should.

-There you two are!

What kind of trouble you getting into?

Nothing. Dave was just about

to try out his pitching arm !

-Come on, Dave.

-Go, Dave! Go, Dave!

-You just gotta hit three. Here we go.

-Come on! Come on, come on!

Go, Dave! Go, Dave!

Sir, the orb is ours.

This charade is no longer necessary.

Lt's time to throw it in the ocean

and head home.

You're absolutely right, Two,

but l really think l can do this.

He looks very serious.

Looking good, looking good.

Come on, you can do it!

Here we go. He's gonna do it!

Wind up!

All right, well...

Spectacularly unsuccessful!

Why was my wrist so limp?

L was in the bathroom.

On my command.

-Come on, you can hit it.

-Two more. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Fire!

Lncoming!

Engineer, report!

All sensors are down and the sun shields

deployed upon impact.

Sir, we're blacked out.

The sun is exploding in my face!

L still haven't got a pulse.

Give me the paddles, stat.

-Oh, God. Don't watch.

-Clear!

Come on. Give me more juice.

Clear!

Power has been restored.

Oh, thank God!

Oh, God, is he gonna be okay?

We'll do an MRl just to be safe.

He's okay. He's okay.

How we doing? l have to warm it up first,

but just to double-check,

they took your keys, watch, coins?

-Yes.

-Good.

'Cause people always forget

the "M" in MRl stands for "magnetic."

This'll just take a second.

L guess l still have a few pennies.

L'm so sorry to have ruined your birthday.

Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag.

-Cat? Where's the cat?

-You know, it's okay,

because l'm not really

one for celebrating anyway.

Well, perhaps you will reconsider

and let us take you out for dinner.

Yeah.

Sir, with all due respect,

have you lost your mind?

They've helped us.

The least we can do is try to help them.

You have become a fool!

Treating these lumbering giants

as if they're our equals.

You've made a mockery

of our entire mission!

You get out of my face. Now!

Dave?

Dave? Hello?

-Right here.

-Hey, where'd you go?

L am here.

L'm so curious sometimes,

what's going on in that head of yours.

L was just pondering which would be

the best place to take you

to commemorate your birthday.

Josh, do you have any suggestions?

Perhaps a nice Cuban place?

L know a great salsa restaurant.

All right, well, si, amigos, let's go party.

Everyone! We're going to go and party!

Okay, three mojitos, one virgin.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Thank you.

-There you go. You enjoy.

-Cheers.

-Happy birthday, Mom.

Thank you.

Now, careful.

These go straight to your head.

This is not acceptable!

Slow down, cowboy.

This is the best!

Cougar46 just added me as a friend.

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

He walked out about an hour ago

with a nice-looking lady and a kid.

-Oh, really? Nice-looking? She pretty hot?

-Please! Please.

-You sure it's him?

-Absolutely.

Said they were going

to a Cuban salsa place.

You gotta try this.

Lt's like space travel, only in your head.

L've been having strange feelings

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