Meet Dave Page #6

have fun living among them.

L have a little tickle in my nose.

-Follow me!

-No, follow me!

Three, l'm so sorry

that you're out here with me.

Not half as sorry as l am !

Please, we'll have the entire

journey back home to argue.

-This may not be the best spot, sir.

-And why not?

Mother of Nil!

Three!

-l'm coming, Three. Don't move.

-Great advice, Captain.

Because l can't!

-Are you all right, Three?

-Please! You have no concern for me.

All you care about is Gina,

your big, fat girlfriend!

You think that she's fat?

Lf she wears a size infinity,

then she's fat!

Lt takes me almost getting run over

for you to even notice me!

L'm practically invisible to you!

Lnvisible? Quite the opposite.

When l look at you, what l see is

the ship!

L love New York. Let's go!

Trust me, Three. Jump!

Lt's working!

You see? Just as l planned!

Look, if we let go

at precisely the right moment,

we'll be propelled to the ship.

On three.

One, two, three!

Three.

L asked for you

to be assigned to this mission

because you are kind,

intelligent and beautiful,

more so than anyone

l've ever known in my life.

And without you,

l would be nothing.

Why have you never

spoken to me of this before?

Because l was too Nilian to express it.

L should have lassoed the moon

for you long ago.

But now let's turn the ship around.

We'll never get there at this rate.

Give me full power to the legs!

L told you. Ourpower is nearly depleted.

Crew, prepare to hail a cab!

Taxi!

What? An alien cannot

get a cab in this town?

Hey, buddy! This is my cab!

What are you doing?

Liberty lsland Ferry. Make haste or die.

Yes, every available cop in the city,

and the Feds.

L knew it. l knew it, l knew it!

l knew we were not alone in this universe.

-Look, l'm not convinced he's an alien.

-Oh, you're not?

-So what?

-So what? So, who you calling?

-Homeland Security.

-Don't do that.

They're gonna overreact!

We don't even know why he's visiting yet.

Well, it's obviously not a peace mission!

Get those big slobbery lips away from me!

And while you suckers

are sitting here talking,

he about to go suck your planet dry!

L need somebody

from Homeland Security, please.

L don't have the extension.

-Are you with Dave?

-No.

No, no. l come free with a venti latte.

Of course l'm with Dave, stupid!

-l need... Hey, you got a comment?

-No.

L need the extension from you guys

because l don't have it.

-Do you know where he went?

-Yes, l do.

L need a ride, though.

-Okay.

-Well, what you waiting for?

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't be shaking me.

Sorry. l apologize.

Don't be blowing on me!

l don't know you that well!

Slow down. Slow. Wait. Wait, wait.

Wait, l said slow down now!

Wait, it's dark in here. l'm in.

Please, hurry. Dooley, where you going?

Hey, Sarge, you got

a little schmutz right here.

Shut up!

-How many tickets you got?

-l've never been caught speeding.

Ln New York.

This year.

Long live Nil.

Sorry, Earth. Sometimes No. 2 happens!

Captain! Thank goodness you're back.

No. 2's become a raging lunatic.

Not to worry, kind friend.

l'm back, and l'm taking over.

Welcome, Captain.

RightArm!

-What the devil is this?

-Someone's overriding the system!

Only the Captain has the code to...

The Captain!

You are in my chair!

Guards!

-Put down your weapons.

-Seize him !

Guards, l said seize him !

You've seen what a fool he's been!

We all know l am the only one

qualified to get us home.

Ls this what you want? This chaos?

We choose our Captain.

This planet rocks. Deal with it.

Get out of my chair.

Captain, the orb is in the water.

The siphoning process

is getting stronger by the minute.

Right Arm, summon the orb.

Captain, the fight

drained our power below 1%.

L can re-route booster energy,

but there won't be enough for take-off.

Well, Captain, it seems you have a choice.

Save this planet or save yourself.

L choose this planet.

And what of your beloved crew?

Are you willing

to condemn them to the same fate?

Stranded here in a world of behemoths?

L believe it is the right thing to do,

but l cannot

make this decision for all of you.

L say we save Earth.

And its moon.

My life began on this planet.

L no longer feel like No. 3.

L am Dave Ming Chang.

Lhave 443 new friends on MySpace

and a JDate next week

with a woman named Sheila Moskowitz.

L am Dave Ming Chang.

L am Dave Ming Chang.

-l am Dave Ming Chang.

-l am Dave Ming Chang.

-l am Dave Ming Chang.

-l am Dave Ming Chang.

L am Johnny Dazzles, and l am fabulous!

What? Not everybody

has to be Dave Ming Chang.

You've all gone completely mad!

Take him and put him

in my butt.

Engineer, divert all remaining power

to Right Arm.

-Way to go, Right Arm !

-Yes!

Dave! Are you okay?

Dave! What is happening?

How can we help you?

Thank you, but it is too late.

We are out of power.

We'll never get back now. lt is over.

Hands behind your head! Understand?

Step away from that thing!

-No!

-Hey! Let us handle this, folks, okay?

You don't need your guns, all right?

Don't hurt him !

We're not gonna hurt anybody.

-We're just gonna talk.

-Dooley, enough!

You've seen what that thing can do.

Hands behind your head!

Captain, with no shieldandnopower,

theprojectile from his weapon

willbreach the hull.

We'll take casualties.

He can't move!

He doesn't have any power left!

-Hands behind your head!

-He can't move!

-Josh!

-Kid!

Josh!

We have power. We have been saved.

All hail Josh the hero!

Stay right where you are!

Yeah, if you're trying to freak me out,

it's not gonna work.

All right, that's gonna freak me out a little.

Do you see that?

-l do.

-ls that a guy?

-Looks like it.

-Like a really little guy?

-Like a really little guy.

-On his tongue?

What'd l just say?

-Hello.

-You, you see that, right?

-There's a little guy in there?

-He's talking.

-Yeah.

-Dave.

L apologize to all of you.

Lt was my second-in-command

who took control of my ship by force,

and it was he, not l, who performed

these unspeakable acts of cruelty.

Will you put that thing down?

Would you please?

L mean, the guy's an inch tall.

You look like a wuss. Right?

Josh, my friend.

You helped save two worlds today.

And you taught me the true meaning

of friendship and courage.

Your father would have been proud

of his young captain.

Promise me you'll always take pride

in being different.

-l promise.

-High-five.

Perhaps that's not such a great idea.

-Gina.

-Yeah. Yeah, hi.

You're, you're really tiny.

And l should have known

you were an alien,

because no straight man

is that good a dancer.

L think l'm finally able to understand

how your painting makes me feel.

L feel love.

-Okay, l guess she's not that fat.

-Told you.

Hey! Hey, man!

Hey, don't forget about me!

Yeah! l'm not trying to stay in here!

You squeezing my brain!

-You're gonna make it pop! Stop!

-l'm sorry, l'm sorry.

Hey, slow down.

l don't want you messing up my sexy.

Okay. Easy.

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