Meet Monica Velour Page #6

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Even magic can let you down sometimes.

But when I would ask him

about things going wrong,

he said,

"Show up on time,

do your act 100%

and hope for the best. "

So there you have it.

From my dad to you.

Show up on time.

Do your act 100%.

And hope?

And hope.

Anything else?

- See you.

- Bye.

Thanks for the bike. Wish me luck.

All effort only postpones

our inevitable failures.

- What?

- Good luck.

Yeah, no. Just-

Listen, not happening, buddy, all right?

Wait wait.

Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah yeah. Come on in.

Hurry up.

I don't want him to be part of this.

Who f***ing cares what you want?

The more the merrier.

And just for that,

Tinker Bell here gets first pop.

Listen, you little stalker

from a time warp.

All right, come on. Strip down, bro.

It's almost game time.

I want to get some test shots.

Work on your wood, dude. Time is money.

I'm gonna go grab me some smokes.

And lube up, honey.

I want to get rolling.

Where are you going?

It's the cops.

I'll handle this.

Howdy, Officers.

I got a report of some suspicious

activities in here.

No, just making a good old fashioned

all-American dirty movie.

You fellas care to join us?

Uh, no.

We need to see IDs from every one.

Come on, guys. It's gonna be fine.

You in charge here?

Yeah, Rod Kroger.

This is my director Luke Rivet.

- Underage. 17.

- What? What?

Are you- Rod, come on. Rod! Rod!

Come on. Come on.

He's not even supposed to be here.

We haven't shot anything yet, all right?

Son, you know what's going on here?

They just told me if I did what they

said I could have a good time

- and make some money.

- Liar!

Get him out of here.

- Grab your gear, kid.

- B*tch, you set us up.

Party's over, amigos.

Oh, Jesus H Christ taking a dump.

What now?

Mrs. Hulbert, your son here

almost got into

some very serious trouble.

I really think you need to keep

a closer watch on him,

his acquaintances, his classmates,

his internet sites.

Pornography is an evil thing.

Thank you, Officer.

Love her with all your might, Tobe.

She's the only one you got.

Man, I loved her in "Frankenbooty. "

What?

That's two jobs you screwed me out of.

And you almost got me busted.

Spent my last 20 bucks

on a cab ride home.

You got some f***ing

explaining to do, kiddo.

I, uh-

I thought these might help you in court.

Jesus.

He's an even bigger asswipe

than I thought.

If that's possible.

Oh man. I'm gonna gold frame this one.

What is this?

It's 5000.

For you.

Holy Christ.

What do I got to do?

Nothing.

It's for Oregon.

You, me, Kayla.

What?

I really need the money but...

We can't.

Well, I-

I could go to school, work part time.

You could, I don't know,

start a business or something.

Oh, come on.

I need some old fart

who's got a good job

and wants to settle down. I got a kid.

I mean, you're 17.

No guy your age wants to be a father.

You need to do things.

You need to see the world.

You'd leave us high and dry.

Kayla's got one half-ass dad already.

That's more than enough.

But...

this has been so great, right?

I've done more this week than

I've probably done my whole life.

I mean, you're incredible.

- Don't.

- I love-

Huh-uh.

You're only gonna make it worse.

Don't I get to decide what I can say?

No. Not this time.

You're the baby. I'm the grownup here.

F*** you.

- Get up.

- No.

Get up.

Okay.

I'm gonna make this nice and easy.

This is you and this is me.

Again.

You.

Me.

You need to go.

Go home.

Get a girlfriend your own age

and do something with your life.

But I sold the truck to help you.

You made me happy.

I want you to be happy.

You're Monica Velour.

I never even thought-

Shh.

Kiss me.

I've done it all.

But I think I like kissing best.

F*** you. F*** you! F*** you!

Work of art.

Oh my God.

Oh!

- You ever heard of a knock?

- Oh boy.

What are you doing watching my videos?

Hey, it's my house, okay?

Goodbye, candy pants.

Listen, I'll call you tomorrow

down the hall, all right?

Oh, Pop Pop.

Impressionable young mind here.

You could never be a doctor.

Damn, there goes

my lifelong career goal.

You could have wrote, you know.

You could have answered the phone.

- I was busy.

- Yeah, I see.

Yeah, while you were out proposing

to Miss October 1914,

I thought maybe I might

enjoy myself for a while.

How'd you know?

The kid told me.

What's his name? Neighbor's boy.

Are you okay? Did you have a good time?

Did you get cash for the truck?

Yeah, I did.

Did you miss me?

What the hell do you think?

Who else have I got in my life

except for you,

you skinny little pain in the ass?

I knew you'd be back.

Pop Pop, it's against the law.

All right, all right.

Maybe I should just hang out

with Tommy Komenski.

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Uh, he's sorry.

Just don't tell your parents, okay?

He's too old to do jail time. What's up?

I tried to tell you on the phone.

Some girl came by.

She was looking for you.

She gave me this.

- Amanda?

- That's me.

Hey, it's Tobe from school.

I got your note. What's up?

Not much. Just babysitting all summer.

So you like Russ Meyer?

Totally.

"Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens"

is like "Our Town" on acid

and, like, Viagra.

I found your gift on the lawn.

Sorry my dad scared you away.

Oh yeah.

Don't worry, he scares every one away.

So where were you?

I sold my truck

and wanted to drive around

and see the country.

Really?

Last time I stopped by, your friend

told me you were marrying a hooker.

What? No, no hookers. That's Kenny.

Kenny fell out of a Tilt-a-Whirl

when he was eight.

He hasn't been the same since.

I've seen him try to make phone calls

with a cable remote.

Good.

I don't go out with married guys.

So we should hang out sometime.

I don't work weekends.

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