Meet My Valentine Page #4

Youre Dan,

and...

youre here

to meet Nina.

And this is what I get

for trying new things--

- lunatics.

- No, no, no, no.

Listen, Im Nina.

Just back away.

Whoa. Obviously,

Im not Nina.

I mean, Nina

isnt even Nina.

Nina is Valentine.

- Get out of my way.

- Hang on, please,

please.

Listen.

Im not some freaky,

weird guy here.

- Just hear me out,

okay, Dan?

- Mm-hmm.

- My name is Tom.

- Mm-hmm.

Valentine

is my wife,

and I think you might

be perfect for her.

( grunts )

( groans )

Okay.

Believe it or not,

this is the best date

Ive ever been on

from Singles.net.

Stop that.

- And cut.

-( phone chimes )

Want to see the--

want to see the punch?

- I dont want

to see the punch.

- Slow motion.

You deserved it.

Mac:

Chemo? Really?

Why did you think

doing this by yourself

was a good idea?

All right? Do you know

how dumb you have to be

for me to be the

responsible one, Tom?

Monumentally dumb!

Thats how dumb

you have to be.

Val should be there

with you, okay?

I need to spend

more time with her.

Okay, good, okay.

This is what

Im saying, yes--

So I can

find better matches

on Singles.net.

Youre still a lunatic.

Gotta get

the profile perfect, Mac.

Shes at the park

right now with Phoebe.

Listen, Tom,

I did two semesters

of psychology

at Trenton State, okay?

This is what we call

"classic avoidance."

I am not taking you

to the park.

Brynn is with them.

Ill be honest, Val.

It all sounds

suspicious.

Yeah, I was worried

youd say that.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Honestly...

this is

gonna sound weird,

but as big

as the pit is

in my stomach

right now,

Im actually

enjoying him.

Is that weird?

Well, then I guess

youll just have to decide.

Are you waiting

on a bad surprise

or a good surprise?

( sighs )

Daddy! Daddy!

So we-- we asked

the park ranger

where the prettiest

flowers were,

and he said it was

you guys-- girls.

Thought you

had a meeting.

- Huh?

- Meeting.

With Biron.

Oh, right.

Yeah, he had to cancel.

Daddy,

come play with me

on the playground.

Uh, Daddys feeling

a little tired, baby.

Ill be over

in a few minutes.

Ill play with you,

Pheebs.

Well, are you

coming or not?

So you gotta show em

how its done.

Hes really bad.

Hes really...

- Mac:
Im not bad.

- All right, all right.

You okay?

Yeah.

You dont look so good.

Oh, God--

are you smoking again?

No, no.

Im not smoking again.

Just-- Im just

tired, is all.

Okay.

Still havent taken down

that awful fence.

Oh, thats right.

Thats right.

This is

"the most aesthetically

unappealing park

in Los Angeles."

Just because

you say it that way

doesnt mean

it isnt true.

What are you

doing here?

Do you remember

in college

when you were

on the all-girls

bowling team?

Yeah.

Well, whatever

happened to that?

( chuckles )

( laughs )

Do you still bowl?

Have you seen me

bowl lately?

We should bowl.

- We should bowl?

- Mm-hmm.

Lets go bowling.

Tom:

Now I see why

you quit bowling.

You stink.

But Im winning,

so that means

you stink...

More than you do.

But these are-- these

are artists hands.

Theyre not meant

for bowling.

Oh, no.

( groans )

All right,

last frame.

( claps )

- Last chance for glory.

- Okay.

Do something

special, Val.

( Tom gasps )

- Ah!

- Whoo!

( laughs )

Nice!

Now that

is more like it.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

You bowl

one more strike,

I have to make out

with you when we

get to the car.

And if I dont

bowl a strike?

You--

Never mind.

I love bowling

all of a sudden.

Dang.

Looks like

Im buying pizza, huh?

Not while

were bowling.

Whats the matter with you?

Greases up the fingers.

Move.

So, Glen, what else do

you do besides bowling?

Oh, you want to chat

a little bit,

share our feelings?

Is that what you

want to do?

Because Im here

to bowl, okay?

I let you talk me

into this date.

Ill be damned if Im gonna

let you ruin my bowling.

Step over there.

Further.

Youre all up on my back.

Get-- sit down.

Sit down.

Dusting off the sun

in my eyes

Drifting

in warm, blue skies

Well, Im...

A million miles away...

Whoa--!

( laughs )

Okay,

that was funny.

Really funny.

( silent )

Tom, listen.

"Winelover61"

is officially...

20 minutes late.

Hes not gonna

make the tasting.

Take me

to the wine tasting.

I drink the wine

for free.

-Its not a date.

- Mm-mm.

Its just me

drinking wine.

Its not

that big a deal.

- Tom.

- ( sighs )

Biron:

Hey.

Tom?

Wheres he going?

Hey, uh,

you know where I can get

some condoms around here?

You look nothing

like your picture.

43? Really?

Thats the age

you go with?

So show me

where your love is

Is "yoga" Greek

for difficult?

Its Greek for

"youre a baby."

Down. Sink lower.

Oh... no, thank you.

( laughs )

You are smoking again,

arent you?

Not smoking,

just old.

All right.

Got an easy one

for you, "old man."

Chair pose.

Plant your feet,

sit into it.

Up. Hands up.

Chair pose is good.

A million miles away

So show me

where your love is...

You know,

were all dying.

Your speech was moving,

but, dude, imagine

the dinosaurs.

Yoga one day,

extinct the next.

- Dinosaurs doing yoga?

-Exactly.

They werent

promised tomorrow.

Neither were we.

What is the best way

to make God laugh, Tom?

What?

Best way

to make God laugh

is to make a plan.

That said,

your wife is

smoking crazy hot,

so if your offer

is a real one,

you can--

you can tell her

she just found

a brand-new

downward-facing dog.

I dont think Cindy ever

really even loved him.

I think

she was just doing it

for the publicity.

Daddy, you always

think the worst.

Maybe it just

didnt work out.

Maybe.

Didnt work out

with who?

Who are you

talking about?

- Hanson...

- Carter.

- Tom, Phoebe:
Duh.

- Val:
Oh.

You know what?

Why dont you just

ask him yourself?

Right.

When would I ever

get to meet Hanson?

Well, his mall tour

starts next week

at our mall...

on Valentines Day...

and youre going!

What?!

( laughing )

( whispers )

What?

I read about it

in "Teen Scene."

- "Teen Scene"?

-Yes.

Oh, my God!

- I have to go call Lexi.

- Okay!

- Phoebe:
Yeah!

- Tom:
Go call Lexi.

-Daddy, thank you!

- Youre welcome!

( silent )

Wow.

Good, right?

Eh, pretty good.

We should-- what?

Huh? Whats...

- What...?

- Okay, hear me out.

I know you hate

Valentines Day

because of

your name and--

Its not

because of my name.

You try making 900

orders of tortellini

in two hours.

But can I at least

get you to agree

to go on a date

with me on the 14th?

Phoebes gonna be

at the concert.

I talked to Brynn.

Shes gonna take her,

which gives us the night.

( thunder rumbling )

You never want

to do anything.

Neither do you.

You want to take me out

for Valentines Day?

Mm-hmm.

Im not gonna lie.

I am confused, but...

I am going with it.

How do you do that?

Do what?

Let yourself

be carried away

by life like that?

I dont know.

Do you ever

get tired

of paddling

against the current?

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