Meet the Blacks Page #10

but I missed y'all.

- You're still alive, Cronut.

- Yeah, I'm here.

Listen, is everybody

all right?

Yeah, I helped Lorena

kick some ass.

I'm proud of you, man.

Listen, we gotta get out to that garage...

and get in that car and get

the f*** away from here.

- I'm ready.

- Okay. Cronut, calm down.

Slowly.

- Carl?

- There's people all over the place.

I didn '2' know

you were black.

I should've known

when you gave me the deposit...

in a Crown Royal bag.

Come on, let's just talk.

This house is too big.

You guys are acting like you're

the Jackson 5 or something.

- You got the keys?

- Yeah, I got 'em.

Cool, player.

Hey, man, if I die...

I'ma just give you

all my money.

- It's all in the will for you.

- You ain't got no f***ing money.

The f***?

What was that?

What?

What, you hear something?

I think

that's the "xactlies."

What's the "xactlies"?

Your breath smells

exactly like your ass.

Carl.

Stop blowing on my neck.

Stop.

Go, go.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on.

Get in the truck.

Oh, sh*t.

- Put your seatbelts on.

- Put your seatbelt on.

Let's go.

- Drive, drive, drive.

- Put your seatbelt on.

What the...?

Hey, hey!

Be quiet!

Hey, heY!

You leave the keys

in the car...

and get your ass out.

Man, get your ass

out of my car!

Ain't no goddamn way.

They're purging like crazy out there.

I've just seen a dog on its hind legs

walking a human!

Listen, I can't believe I got

a crackhead in our car...

- from Beverly Hills.

- A crackhead? Look at me.

Do I look dressed

like a crackhead to you?

I'm the damn repo man!

The repo man?

- Yeah, I--

- You just keep lying.

Don't nobody get no car...

from Big Little Jimmy's

Auto Shop and not pay!

- Get your ass back.

- Your eyes is amazing.

Hey, hey, hey!

Stop complimenting me!

He looks real cute

in the face.

Hey!

- Don't look at me.

- I can't see. I'm blind.

Had you paid

your damn payments...

then maybe I wouldn't be here

right now on Purge night!

- Get your ass out of here.

- I'ma make my payments, man.

No, no, no.

You're not gonna make 'em.

Everybody's gonna pay

with a gun in their face.

When I'm like this,

everybody's paying.

Can I just give you

a money order?

On Purge night?

Get out the car!

I done told you

four times.

- Get out!

- Okay, okay.

All that sh*t!

Get out!

- Get your ass out of here.

- All right, all right!

Call me.

You could've refinanced, man.

Listen, man,

I'm a great devoted dad.

- I see that.

- Ana' I goz' this house out here...

because I wanted to give

a better life for my family.

- I know, man.

- But I'm black...

and I won't even let the boogeyman

run me out of my sh*t.

Okay?

H's a purge going on...

and we don't need this.

We're trying

to stick together.

Why come you can't come

with us, man?

You look like

Vanessa Williams, bro.

I know, man.

I sat in this motherfucking car...

and I've been thinking like,

"Why am I not a the house?

- Why am I not in a house?"

- You're a nice guy, man.

I started doing all the math,

and I thought about it.

It's 'cause motherfuckers

like you don't pay sh*t.

Therefore, I can't buy

no house like this.

I gotta always chase

a motherf***er down...

and tonight,

on Purge night of all nights...

they give me the slip?

Me?

All the white motherfuckers...

that work there,

and they gave it to the mixed nigga?

Why? 'Cause they thought

I might almost kill your ass.

But tonight,

I'll do it, motherf***er.

I got a couple hours left, and I will

shoot you in your motherfucking face.

They killed

my grandparents tonight, man.

They made them kill each other

with plastic spoons.

They made them kill each other

with plastic spoons!

- Get out.

- All right.

Get out slowly.

-L'ma pay with your ass in a minute.

- Can I get out this way?

Hell no, you know you

can't get out this way.

Slick-ass niggas.

Damn, man.

Got me out here

on Purge night.

Telling me all you got

with your family problems.

I got family

problems, too!

This is impolite

as hell, too.

You knew goddamn well

I'm gonna this car.

I'll shoot little Dracula.

- No, don't do it!

- Shoot little Dracula, hell yeah!

No one dance

to this sh*t.

Pay your bills,

I wouldn't be here, man!

God damn it,

don't you try nothing.

I hate to do this

to you, man.

Looked like you were capable

of paying them notes.

Looked like you could've did

if you believed in yourself.

Could still see your ass in the rearview.

Don't try no slick sh*t.

'Cause don't you try sh*t.

Don't you try sh*t.

What's that noise?

Sh*t, I got balls.

I got balls, homie!

I got balls, homie.

Yeah,boom!

Yeah.

Just like Paris Hilton

did back in the day.

Turn it, turn it.

I know the dance move.

I know the dance move.

I know the dance move.

I know the dance--

Oh, but turn it around.

Look out.

Get ready!

Do-rag!

- Gonna kill you first.

- Get back, get back!

I told you I'd get you

sooner or later, Carl.

- Any last words?

- Yeah, why does your voice keep changing?

I'm just working

on different sh*t.

Jim! Mary!

- Hey, Larry.

- Larry.

- What are you guys doing here?

- Happy Purge.

Yeah, you guys brought

the guns and the vests...

and the bullets,

the shot--

That's a good look

on you, Mary.

Just don't give me

them bedroom eyes...

or I'm gonna have

to purge Jim.

I'm just f***ing with you.

Hey, that thing got a laser on it?

Yeah! Mary got this online for me

at the pre-Purge sale.

- Thank you, baby.

- Thank you.

Larry, here's the thing.

You're the worst president...

this Home Owner's

Association's ever had.

It was you who filled out

that application...

- and accepted it, right?

- What?

I didn't know

they were a black family.

How can you not know that?

Did you see their car?

Did you see their rims?

I was doing the paperwork.

I looked down, I just saw "Blacks"

Thought it was,

like Jack Black.

We're gonna have to go back

to a two-term limit.

- Larry, it's disappointing, man.

- Absolutely.

You guys are so sensitive.

Tell you what.

I'ma cut Carl up.

- You guys get the rest of the family.

- Carl, no!

- We can do that.

- Yeah.

Let's purge.

We're gonna do a black family...

whose name's Black.

It's twofer.

- Hey, Carl.

- No, no. Come on, come on.

Shot me in the back!

I'm gonna need

a wine cooler and you.

I thought we were friends.

Jim and Mary,

thank you so much.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Hello, Blacks.

- Hey!

- Just got one more thing for you.

- What?

- What?

As the...

I guess I'm the new president

of the Home Owner's Association.

Let me just say you have no business

in this neighborhood.

- Excuse me?

- Once a hood rat...

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

...always a hood rat.

You're the guys that brought us

a gift basket.

Yeah, we did.

We give them

to everybody.

I told you they don't like black folks

in this neighborhood, man.

And now we're gonna serve you up

your eviction notice, brother.

Damn!

They are killing

like sh*t around here!

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