Meet The Fockers Page #7

No cowboy hat this weekend!

I'm coming in!

Just stop doing

what you're doing!

Oh!

Come on, man, you know

what that cowboy hat

on the door means.

Will you please

help me out here?

What?

We're just being ourselves.

Mom, mom, please...

I think he's saying

not to be ourselves.

Yes, be yourselves

but be yourself in a way

that's a little less than

being your full selves, okay.

(Roz)

I don't understand this.

I mean, why you're so

afraid of this Jack?

You've been kissing his ass

ever since you got here.

Mom, I'm not afraid

of him, okay.

It's not true.

It is true.

(Bernie)

I can't believe you went

duck-hunting with him.

Our people

don't shoot ducks.

Just make Jack feel a little

more comfortable here, okay?

So you don't want us

to be ourselves?

No, I just don't want you

to break his RV, Dad,

and... and... and reveal

that I had sex with Isabel

and play weird sex games

that everybody can hear

in the house.

Mom... Mom, please.

If you ask me,

it wouldn't be so bad

if your future in-laws

heard this.

Do me a favor.

Just don't therapize

the Byrneses

this weekend at all, okay?

All I'm saying is,

a few minutes

of concentrated work

with him and Dina,

she could get him

to blow like Krakatoa.

Right, okay, yeah,

you know what?

One day, just give me

one day, okay,

without any complications.

We get through it,

everybody goes off,

we go on with our lives.

Can we do that?

All right.

You got it, dude.

Thank you, okay.

Hon, put the hat

back on the door, okay?

No mom.

No cowboy hat this weekend.

(Bernie)

Okay, but tonight

doesn't count.

[Bernie hooting]

All aboard.

[Bernie laughing]

Morning, partner.

Morning.

Sleep okay?

I slept all right,

thank you.

It's nice, all of us

being here together,

don't you think?

Bernard, do you mind

if I have some privacy?

Almost done.

Bernie,

this fritatta is wonderful.

What's in it?

Well, a lot of the taste comes

from this old skillet.

I've never washed it.

Hey, guys,

can I have everybody's

attention, please?

Gay, be back in a second.

Okay, Dad. All right.

Uh, so...

Mom, I know we've been...

we've been talking about

having the, uh,

wedding in October,

but Pam and I

have been doing

a little thinkin'

and playing around

with some ideas

and, uh, we're thinking

of moving it up to June.

Nice.

This June?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's... that's in a month.

I always wanted

a spring wedding, you know.

Well, that's great,

so we can announce it

at the party tonight.

Good idea.

Wait, what party?

Jack!

Let's play football!

Oh, your father

and I are throwing

a little

engagement soiree

for you two lovebirds.

Look at that.

(Pam)

That's so sweet.

Thank you, guys.

I thought we were just having

a nice quiet dinner.

It was supposed

to be a surprise.

The phone keeps ringing,

the list keeps growing.

Yeah, now,

it's up to 50 Fockers.

When were you going to tell us

about this?

What could be better?

Dad, what are you doing?

We never play football.

I'm trying to cement

relationships here.

Jack said

he was into footy ball.

Let's show El Stiffo

how we play the game.

Footy ball?

Come on, come on,

let's play!

I'm feeling a little tired.

I think I'll sit it out

with Little Jack, okay?

Honey, you want me to

keep you company?

No, Dina, come on,

you and I will take on

Jack and Roz.

Come on, Jack, it'll be fun,

we'll swap wives.

Don't worry, you'll get her

back after the game.

[all laughing]

Fine, we'll play

three on two.

But someone needs to be

official quarterback.

Gay goes both ways.

I'll bet he does.

[cooing]

One, two. Hut.

[all chattering]

Come on.

I'll run a down-and-in,

draw in the defense,

then you'll hit Roz

here in the end zone for a TD.

What do you mean?

He hits me where with a what?

I'll throw you the ball,

you try to catch it, okay.

You want me to catch?

Yeah.

On two. Ready?

Yes.

Hut one, hut two, hike!

[screams]

Come on, this way!

That way, that way,

that way.

[Roz screams]

[laughs]

You remember

that time in the park?

You remember that time

in the park?

Guys, come on, come on,

cut it out.

I'm so proud of you.

I caught the ball.

(Greg)

Mom, come on.

I caught the ball!

Come on, huddle up.

No, I'm bored. Here!

Dina, come on, let's go.

You want a spritzer?

What? Oh, a spritzer.

That sounds yummy.

All right, come on.

Dad, you got

to focus, all right?

He's beating you

down the field every time.

You want me to

be macho-wacho?

No. What? Have I ever said

the words macho-wacho

to you in my life?

I got it.

What?

I won't disappoint you.

Okay, let's try again,

I'm gonna run a stop and go.

Fake the short pass,

then hit me here

in the end zone

with a Hail Mary.

Okay, got that.

Yeah, we keep

running that play.

You want to mix

it up a little?

No, I don't. I've exposed

Bernie's weakness

and I want to take advantage

of it.

Exposed his weakness.

Okay, okay. On four?

Four.

Just you and me, Jack.

Mano a mano.

You think you can take me,

Flowerman?

I'm pretty sure I can,

Mr. Mom.

You're going down,

Bernsie-boy.

I'm going to

rearrange your bouquet.

Sell the pump fake, Greg,

'cause that

Focker's gonna bite.

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

Hut one, hut two,

hut three, hut four. Hike!

[grunting]

Oh, my God!

Are you all right?

[screaming]

Sh*t!

[chanting]

Hey, Jack, you okay?

I'm fine, Greg, thank you.

I see that kind of injury

all the time at the hospital.

I wish you'd let me

give you a quick exam.

No, I'm, I'm fine.

I told you I'll have my doctor

look at it when I get home.

Okay.

You know, it's amazing

how your father anticipated

the pump fake like that.

It's almost like

he knew it was coming.

Hmm.

Well, he definitely takes

competition seriously.

How a man handles himself

on the football field

says a lot

about his character.

Know what I mean?

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

We got him, didn't we,

dude, huh?

Was he impressed?

No, Dad, he wasn't.

That was a really hard shot.

You could've hurt him.

I just wanted it

to be a fun game

but you wanted to win,

so, you know,

you got me all steamed up.

No, I asked you to play

a little defense,

I didn't ask you to turn it

into a blood sport.

I play too easy.

I play too hard.

What are you really

asking me to do, Gaylord?

I'm not asking

anything of you, Dad.

Just... just go down there

and apologize to him, okay?

He thinks it

was a cheap shot.

Sure. Okay.

Whatever you say.

Okay.

I can't win with this kid.

Honey...

(Bernie)

I can't.

It's okay.

Hi, baby.

Hey.

So, how far along is Pam?

Hmm?

What?

Come on, honey, I knew it

the minute I saw her.

Her b*obs are bigger.

She's hormonal.

No wine at dinner,

no football.

She just found out yesterday.

[screams]

Honey.

My bubeleh's

going to have a baby!

My bubeleh's

going to be a father!

Oh, my God.

Tell me, talk to me,

so this is so exciting.

[shushing]

No.

You didn't tell Dad, did you?

No, not yet.

He's gonna plotz.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes