Meet the Parents Page #2

(Greg) Beautiful.

Oh, now, Greg,

you have a very unique last name.

And we were curious, er,

how do you pronounce it?

Oh. Just like it's spelled.

F-O-C-K-E-R.

Focker.

Hmm... Focker.

Mm-hm.

- l'll get it, honey.

- Oh, thanks, Mom.

Oh, there he is!

(Pam ) Jinxy!

Come here, baby!

Come to Daddy, Jinxy!

Come on, Jinxy!

Come here. Come to Daddy.

Come on. Oh!

Taught him that in one week.

(Jack) This is Pam's cat, Jinxy.

- Say hello. Wave to Greg.

- Hello, Jinx.

Attaboy!

That took me another week.

- My gosh!

- l didn't know you had a cat.

l left him here

when l moved to Chicago.

Your daddy's best friend!

You won't believe it,

he even taught him to use the potty.

Dad, that's kinda weird.

Why? Now we don't have

to smell kitty litter.

That's right.

How did you teach

the cat to use the toilet?

Easy. l designed a litter box

to put inside the toilet.

Once he got used to it,

l took it away.

Oh! That's... Yeah, makes sense.

But he doesn't like it. Every chance

he gets he tries to squat and bury.

l had to move all my plants.

Plus you got another guy

in the house to leave the seat up.

He can't lift the seat. He lacks

the strength and opposable thumbs.

Ah, right. Opposable...

Didn't think about that.

Jinx is a house cat. He can't go out.

He lacks survival skills.

lt's just one of those things.

l don't think Greg will

be playing with Jinxy. He hates cats.

Pam, l don't hate cats.

l don't... l just happen

to be more of a dog lover.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's OK if you hate cats, Greg.

l don't. l don't hate cats...at all.

That's OK. Just be honest about it.

There's some things l hate.

l'm being honest, really. Like what?

Why don't we let the kids freshen up?

Greg, we'll get you something

to wear from Jack's closet.

OK.

- Oh, honey.

- Yeah?

l'm so happy you're home, sweetheart.

Me, too, Daddy.

Hey, listen, be nice to this one, OK?

l kinda like him.

OK, l'll try.

Thank you.

Shirt fit OK, Greg?

Fantastic. Thanks, Jack.

Good. Tom Collins coming up.

l wish you hadn't said

that l hate cats.

You do hate cats.

But you didn't have to say

right when we met.

l'm sorry. lt just slipped out.

Get your red hot pu-pus!

My goodness! What is that?

Oh, that's just...

a little something from me.

Go ahead, open it up.

Oh, look, honey.

Greg brought us a present!

Oh, isn't that nice?

Look at this. lt's a flower pot...

with the dirt in it.

Mm.

Actually, the real gift

is what's planted in the soil.

The bulb of a Jerusalem Tulip.

Which, l was told,

is one of the rarest and most

beautiful flowers in existence.

Oh, right, right.

Uh, the Jerusalem.

From the Jerusalis tulipizius genus,

yes, yes.

Anyway, the guy said

with regular watering

it should bloom in six months.

Well, we'll look forward to that.

(Pam clears throat)

So, uh, Greg, how's your job?

Um, good, Pam. Thanks for asking.

l recently got transferred to triage.

ls that better than a nurse?

No, Mom, triage is a unit of the ER.

That's where all the top nurses work.

- Well...

- No. They do.

Not many men in your profession.

No, Jack. Not traditionally.

Mm-hm.

Pam, did you know that your father

started his own business?

Really? Dad, that's great!

Oh, wow!

Yes, l thought with my experience,

why let retirement stop me?

l really admire that.

So what is it? What's...?

What's the new venture?

Oh, let me ask you a question, Greg.

Let's say you have kids and you wanna

get out of the house, you know?

So you hire a baby-sitter,

someone you think you can trust.

References, experience -

all check out fine.

But, how do you know for certain

that your loved ones

are safe with this stranger?

l mean, can you ever really trust

another human being, Greg?

Sure. l think so.

No. The answer is you cannot.

Let me show you something.

Take a look at this, Greg.

What's this look like to you?

lt looks like a teddy bear.

Smile. You're on nanny camera!

Oh! Oh!

l've seen these advertised on TV.

Not like this you haven't.

Take a look.

- Oh, my gosh.

- Oh.

Hi. Where's the other camera?

Right here

in this decorative artefact.

- That's great.

- Our cameras are motion activated.

They tape as soon as they

sense any movement.

We can hide them in mirrors,

lamps, you name it.

So no matter where you go...

we'll be watching you.

Couldn't this be construed

as illegal?. lnvasion of privacy?

Greg, when you have little Fockers

running around,

you'll see the need for protection.

(Pam ) Yeah.

- lmpressive, isn't it?

- Quite.

(Phone )

- l'll get that.

- l'll get it.

OK.

Any problem with the documents?

Good. l'll meet you at the Oyster Bay

drugstore in about 20 minutes.

You gotta be careful

if you call here.

lf l don't answer,

use a southern accent and ask

for the vegetarian special.

(Pam ) And the wedding's on Sunday?

Oh, that wasn't the airline, was it?

No, wrong number. We're out

of Collins, so l'll go to the store.

l thought l just bought some.

You know how that stuff just goes.

Back in a jif.

Well, why doesn't Greg go with you?

You'll need something in case

your suitcase doesn't show up.

- l'm sure it'll show up.

- Yeah.

Don't take a chance. You don't

even have a toothbrush. Go on.

Yeah.

OK, unless you want some privacy.

Why would l need privacy?

No, l didn't...think you would.

OK, let's head out.

- Bye.

- Have fun, you guys.

Pam, he seems wonderful!

He is.

We have the best time together.

Good.

- Now, have you two been mm-mm-mm?

- Mother!

No! Thinking about

anything permanent?

l don't know.

We haven't discussed it, but,

l definitely have

the feeling this is it.

Oh.

Dad seems to like him,

don't you think?

Absolutely.

lt's a big day Saturday.

Yes.

This car's...

You got... What do you use,

unleaded, regular unleaded?

- Premium.

- Uh-huh.

Hey, Jack, now that...

Now that we have a second to talk,

l just want you to know

how much Pam means to me.

l know we haven't been together

that long,

but the time that we have spent

together has been incredible.

Greg, how come you don't like cats?

l don't not like cats.

l just...l just prefer dogs.

l mean, l'm just more of a dog

kind of... You know.

You come home, they're...

wagging their little tails,

happy to see you.

You need that assurance, do you?

You prefer

an emotionally shallow animal?.

l...

When you yell at a dog, his tail

goes between his legs

and covers his genitals,

his ears go down.

A dog is easy to break. But cats

make you work for their affection.

They don't sell out like dogs.

Huh.

You like Peter, Paul, and Mary?

(Music starts on stereo )

Yes, l do. l'm a big fan.

# Puff, the magic dragon

# Lived by the sea... #

Great song.

Yeah. One of my favourites.

Who would've thought

it wasn't really about a dragon, huh?

What do you mean?

You know, the whole drug thing.

No, l don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

Some people, uh...

think that...

To "puff the magic dragon" means...

they're really... Erm...

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