Meet the Patels Page #5

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already know so much about

the other person, like...

We all have kind of like

the exact same upbringing.

Right, like especially with

this dating stuff, like...

No! I mean, we talk about that stuff...

No, that's what I'm

telling you, it's like...

it's like a support group or something.

It's supposed to dry,

it will dry on the way.

I have a system.

Bye.

How did it go?

Rav?

- Huh?

- How did it go?

How do you know that?

Well, see, I don't even

know dating that well,

I haven't done it that much, okay?

I really haven't, like...

I don't date, right?

I went through this like

four-year period, I decided...

I mean, I would even tell

my friends about this,

that I decided that I

wanted to date an Indian girl

and if the only way I could do that

is if I literally, cut myself

off from everything else,

that I was starving so bad for,

a woman,

and knowing that that was the only way...

That I would go after it that much harder.

And it didn't work.

When was this?

Right before Audrey...

I thought it would help me get

closer to finding an Indian.

I did the same thing.

You did the same thing?

Even though I was born here

and considered American,

it wasn't like I ever really

considered myself American.

I've never seen my parents kiss,

like intimacy wasn't something,

did you guys have that?

I saw my dad kiss my

mom on the cheek one time

and I was like, "Whoa!"

You know, they'd put me to sleep,

we'd rattle off all the

different Hindu God names,

at the end they'd say, "Okay, study hard,

"no boys, no blacks,

no Muslims, good night."

My grandmother is probably the most

racist human being I've ever met...

...but she's, like, the

most lovable human being.

They just look in a tunnel

and they can't kind of see outside of that.

I wasn't allowed to date,

girls weren't allowed to call the house.

When I got to college,

there was a ton of Indian people, right,

most of the girls, they, I

called them "Snapback girls,"

those were the ones that

I always went after...

I didn't date anyone, till...

They were never allowed to

date in high school, right,

or their whole lives, so

when they got to college,

the freedom, oh, my God!

And I was in a fraternity...

I don't know how to really talk to men

in order to let them know that

I would be interested in them,

or how to like, play the game,

and like, you know, have them hunt me,

or whatever they're supposed to do.

Yeah, Mom, come sit, let's do cheers!

I love that we're celebrating

your anniversary in sweatpants.

Okay, cheers!

Happy anniversary.

- Happy anniversary!

- Thank you. Happy anniversary to us!

My kids are the lovely kids.

I go upstairs.

She's sitting in a chair

or a stool or something.

Probably a little intimidated

because this guy is from America.

I was the one who asked the questions.

And she never asked me any question.

Which was a big set-up

because she never opened her mouth there

but she never shut up after the marriage.

But let me tell you,

when I talked to him, we

only talked maybe 10 minutes.

- And even then...

- And he made me laugh...

Like crazy.

I asked her, one of the

questions was, and this is true,

"How far have you traveled?"

She said, "I traveled

all the way to Pavagadh."

Now, Pavagadh is only 30 miles away.

So she thought that was far?

To her that was a big

accomplishment, I guess.

Vasant, that's not true.

I mean, you know, how can

I disappoint her in life

when she's happy with 30-mile travel?

But you know what the bottom line is, Ravi?

I still believe, when you are ready,

you will find a girl.

Just like a guru, they

said in the Bhagavad Gita.

Bhagavad Gita says, "When

you are ready for a guru,

"you don't ever look for a guru.

"Guru will come to you."

I know that, I know that at the

end of all these failed dates,

you guys just see failure.

But what I see

is that it's helped me

figure out what I want.

I see progress.

I see that, oh, I've figured

out that, you know what...

But you know what, I'm learning.

I'm learning. Now I know

what kind of girl I want.

Oh, I got a ticket.

God.

Oh, God.

Do you have to do it this way?

Ready?

Okay, ready?

Okay.

Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Not really.

- So, what do you think?

Notice anything different?

Hair color, trying to age myself up.

You're anticipating a little bit.

- I am?

- A little bit.

Ready?

Yeah, please.

All right, here.

- What are you doing?

- I'm taking it off.

- You're taking it off?

- I'm taking it right off.

Did I tell you Audrey

made me a good-luck cake?

What's going on? This is like

the unhealthiest relationship.

It's the unhealthiest non-relationship.

And then I came home and she was there.

I came to your house and she was there!

Why did you not tell me that

you guys were hanging out?

Well, I wasn't trying to,

like, hide it from you.

I mean, I was trying to hide it from you,

but it just wasn't a big deal.

I mean, we ran into each other one day

and the next thing you

know, we're like, laughing

about how miserable dating can be.

And it was good to just be friends.

But there are rules, like,

when you break up, there are rules

that you have to follow that...

- About how the break-up goes.

- Yeah, but we spent time apart.

We were both dating other people,

so it's not like we weren't...

You know, it's not like we were trying to

get back together or anything,

we were just hanging out.

You guys were barely dating other

people, it hadn't been that long.

We were best friends.

I got this girl here in Boston

and when we're going to the wedding there,

there's a girl named Seema

that I really want him to meet her.

Did you tell him already?

No, I'm gonna call him and let him know,

but I just wanted to let you know,

But I think, since we are

going to be there anyway,

it would be nice to meet with her.

I remember, Mom calls

me up and she goes,

"My prince, big wedding season.

"My prince, hit the girls."

Beginning of wedding season!

If the sky that we look upon

Should tumble and fall

And the mountains should

crumble to the sea

But, how are we going to set

it up, let's talk about it.

- It's not going to happen automatically.

- Yeah.

No, no, no, do not do that,

that's where you guys go too far,

I'm telling you I'm gonna take care of it.

I don't want you guys jumping in

and getting all these

other people involved,

that's when it becomes embarrassing.

We're not going to do anything

you don't want us to do.

Okay? It's given.

Okay, just, then relax, then. We're done.

When you talk to her,

she may not know why

you are talking to her.

Don't be shy, talk to her, man.

We'll support you, my dear, don't worry...

- We'll support you.

- You are my son.

I'm telling you, you guys are

treating me like I'm, like,

socially retarded, I'm...

I'm very good socially.

Ravi, you are socially good,

except when it comes to marriage.

Marriage, right.

Don't just look at her and

say "Oh, I don't like her."

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