Megamind Page #5

Has someone tamed this monster?

This is Roxanne Ritchi,

cautiously optimistic,

and pleasantly confused.

Well, you seem

in a very good mood tonight, sir.

Oh, yes. How Iong is

this going to take, Minion?

Just a few alterations, sir,

and I will be done

with your most terrifying cape yet!

I'm calling it...

...the Black Mamba...

Black Mamba. Perfect.

Gosh, I am running Iate.

I have to go.

What? Where...

Where are you going, sir?

We have our debut battle

with Titan tomorrow morning.

We haven't even tested

your big battle suit yet.

You attend to the details, Minion.

I have to... run a quick errand.

You don't run errands.

- What's going on here?

- What?

Oh, wait a minute.

Are you wearing

Jean Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme?

It's just my natural musk.

Now, where are the car keys?

This is about Ms. Ritchi,

isn't it?

You're going on a date with her.

No, my main man.

Get out of town.

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

You've fallen in Iove with her.

You are forgetting your place, Minion.

Now give me the keys.

What happens when Roxanne

finds out who you really are?

She will never find out.

That's the point of Iying.

Honestly, if I didn't know

any better,

I'd think this was

your first day of being evil.

No!

This has gone far enough!

Oh, that was really grown-up!

Sir, sir, please.

It's for your own good.

Oh, what do you know?

I may not know much,

but I do know this:

The bad guy doesn't get the girl.

Maybe I don't want to be

the bad guy anymore.

You heard me!

Who are you?

- Now, give me the keys!

- No!

My sole purpose in Iife is

to Iook after you.

Well, I don't need you

to Iook after me.

What are you s... What are you saying?

You don't need me?

Let me make it clear.

Code:
I Don't Need You.

You know what? You know what?

Code:
I'll Just Pack My Thing And Go!

- Code:
Fine!

- Code:
Fine Back!

- Well, good Iuck on your date!

- I will!

- That doesn't even make any sense!

- I know!

I know I am so close. I can feel it.

OK, OK. I just have

to take a step back.

Wait a minute.

"Titan."

- What's a Titan?

- My super-ears are burning.

I usually just hear criminals.

You haven't been naughty, have you?

I'm totally messing with you.

I'm totally messing with you.

- The name's Titan.

- Titan.

Your very own heroic guardian

of pure awesome.

What's your name? Just kidding.

I know everything about you.

And I...

And I brought some flowers.

Didn't know what you Iiked, so I

just grabbed, you know, all of them.

OK. You don't Iike flowers?

OK, forget the flowers.

What do you want?

Thought maybe we could go

for a Iittle flight around town.

Get to know each other first.

This must be

very thrilling for you.

What do you think you're doing?!

Oh, am I moving too fast?

You're probably right.

I should just rescue you a few times

before we get all romantic.

Saved ya.

You are Iucky to have

such a great hero here.

- Don't you ever...

- Oh, no! Somebody do something!

Oh, right, right, duh.

I gotcha. I gotcha.

That was a close one.

You almost died,

- but I saved you.

- Building!

Gotcha! I'm sorry.

What were you saying?

I couldn't hear you over the sound

of me saving your Iife.

Put me down! Right now!

OK, all right. AII right, hold on.

Are you crazy?

I suppose I'm a,

I'm a Iittle crazy, about you.

Who are you, really?

Oh, right. Well, prepare to have

your mind blown, Iittle Iady.

- Ta-da.

- Hal?

Yeah. Isn't this great?

Now there's nothing keeping us apart.

- No. It's not great.

- Wow. Our first fight.

This is so us.

We're Iike an old married couple.

Look, there is no "us," OK?

There will never be an "us."

But... I have powers.

I have a cape. I'm the good guy.

You are a good guy, Hal,

but you don't understand.

- We need to find out why...

- No, no. This...

- Hal, just take a deep breath

- This isn't right!

- and Iisten to me for a moment.

- You're supposed to be with me!

I'm trying to warn you, Hal.

It's Titan!

It's Titan, not Hal!

- Bernard.

- Roxanne.

- Sorry I'm Iate.

- Wow, your hair Iooks exciting.

Not the only exciting development

of the night.

Megamind's created a new hero,

and I know why.

It all makes sense now.

He missed getting his butt kicked,

so he created a new hero

- to kick it for him.

- Yeah.

But why would he pick Hal?

Hal is the worst possible person

you could pick.

Wow. That's a Iot to take in.

It boggles my mind.

I am extremely boggled.

You know, I'm sure we'll get

to the bottom

of who's kicking whose butt.

But in the meantime,

Iet's enjoy each other's company.

I'm sorry, Bernard,

of course, you're right.

You know, I could use a breather.

To Bernard,

for being the only normal thing

in my crazy, upside-down world.

To... being normal.

- Roxanne?

- Yes?

Say I wasn't so normal.

Let's say I was bald

and had the complexion of,

of a popular primary color,

as a random, nonspecific example.

- Would you still enjoy my company?

- Of course!

You don't judge a book by its cover

or a person from the outside.

That's a relief to hear.

You judge them based on their actions.

Well, that seems kind of petty,

don't you think?

What? What?

Don't Iook at me!

Just a technical glitch!

Don't Iook yet!

Well, never mind that.

OK.

Where were we?

- You...

- Now, now, hold on.

You!

I can explain!

What about everything you just said?

About judging a book by its cover?

Well, Iet's take a Iook

at the contents then, shall we?

You destroyed Metro Man,

you took over the city,

and then, you actually got me

to care about you!

Why are you so evil?

Tricking me?

What could you possibly hope to gain?

Wait a minute.

I don't believe this.

Do you really think

that I would ever be with you?

No.

OK, Minion! You were right!

I was... Iess right!

We should stick

to what we're good at... being bad.

Minion?

You there!

Yeah, you.

Bring out the Black Mamba.

OK, Titan.

It's time to go down in style.

I hear there's a new hero

who dares challenge my evil.

Where is the one they call Titan?

Challenge me if you dare!

Oh no. We're gonna crash!

This is embarrassing.

Of all the inconsiderate,

bone-headed...

...irresponsible, rude...

Unprofessional, that's what this is!

Would Metro Man have kept me waiting?

Of course not! He was a pro!

Hey, Megamind!

You're actually the guy I want to see.

Also, there's a door here.

Do you have any idea

how Iong I waited for you?

No, no, no, I totally understand

what you're saying.

Could you just, just shut up for one

second. I'm trying to beat this Ievel.

Were you even planning

on showing up?

What's this?

Where did you get all this stuff?

It doesn't belong to me.

- You stole it?

- Pretty cool, right?

- No, no, no, no! You're a hero!

- Being a hero is for Iosers!

It's work, work, work,

I only took the gig to get the girl,

and it turns out Roxanne

doesn't want anything to do with me.

- Roxanne Ritchi?

- Yeah! Roxanne Ritchi!

I saw her having dinner

Rate this script:4.5 / 13 votes