Melvin and Howard Page #4

[Wally] That is Lynda. Come on,

a little more love for Lynda, please.

[Whistling and cheering]

Come on, Lynda!

I wish I could reach...

Come on, Lynda. Come on, you princess.

Beautiful aquamarine lady, come up here.

You just look lovely.

- They love you out there.

- Thank you.

I bet you're just as talented

as you are beautiful.

I don't know.

Candy-box hat. Your hands are cold.

Put them in Uncle Wally's pocket?

No? Smarter than

Uncle Wally, aren't you? OK.

- So tell me where are you from?

- Anaheim, California.

That's where Disneyland is.

Do you have any little ones?

Yes, I have a daughter, Darcy,

and a son, Farron, who's watching today.

With my mother, also,

I'd like to say hello to them.

- You're divorced, I hope?

- No!

- You're not?

- I'm here with my husband.

- He's right up there.

- What does he do?

- He's a milkman for Rockwood Dairy.

- That's great.

Without milkmen, hey,

how would we get our milk?

- What are you going to do for us?

- I'm gonna do a tap-dance.

OK, Lynda. Lynda Dummar,

I love you, from Anaheim, California.

You are on! Music please!

[# The Rolling Stones.

Satisfaction (Can't Get No)]

# I can't get no

# Satisfaction

# I can't...

[booing]

Go take some lessons!

[Whistling]

# And I try

# And I try

# And I try

# I can't get no

# No, no, no

# Hey, hey, hey

That's what I say

[audience clap in rhythm]

# I can't get no

# Satisfaction

# I can't get no

# Satisfaction

# Cos I try

# And I try

# And I try

# And I try

# I can't get no... #

[cheering]

[Man] All right!

Hold it, hold it! Whoa!

Lynda, come here. That was fantastic.

You know how the game works.

Love or hate? Yay or nay?!

Yeah, they love you!

[Whistling, some booing]

Come here, they just love you,

they love you.

Carol, our golden girl guide to the gate

of goodies. How much is that cheque?

- $500.

- $500 for Lynda Dummar.

You know how the game works, Lynda.

You can keep that cheque for $500

or go through Gate One,

Two or Three to Easy Street.

What would you like to do?

Keep the cheque?

[Crowd] Play!

- I'll give you the money.

- She wants to play!

OK, Lynda. Make your selection wisely.

Fame and fortune

could lie behind one of these gates.

Gate One, Two or Three? What do you say?

[Crowd yells numbers]

- Three!

- Two! Two! Two!

Three!

Tick-tock, tick-tock...

- Two!

- The young lady's chosen two.

Lynda Dummar has chosen Gate Number Two.

Freddy, tell us.

What's in Gate Number Two?

Broyhill's Rutherford II Collection,

American traditional at its best.

Features solid pine trim,

deep seating and high backs,

covered in sturdy 100/% nylon.

Retails for $1,307I

That's a lot of stuffing, Lynda!

[Drum roll]

Wait! Rolling thunder,

timpani swelling!

The Golden Gate Bonus!

[Freddy] A Currier pianol

Currier, the piano with quality,

for today's student

and tomorrow's performer.

I'll learn!

...resists scratches and stains.

With a new piano, you'll want

to have it tuned and take lessons.

You'll need a tuning fork

and some sheet music.

To take care of some of those expenses,

take a look at the restl

[alarm bells ring]

[Screams]

Lynda Dummar, your Golden Gate total.

Thirteen thousand and seven dollarsl

Take the cheque,

before they take it back.

Come here, ladies and gentlemen.

Hold it, please, please.

Settle down forjust a moment.

Please, tell me, this is very important.

Lynda Dummar, do you know

what you're going to do with that money?

Yeah, I sure do know

what I'm going to do with the money.

OK, which will it be?

The Sentinel or the Landlord?

- The Sentinel.

- Oh, good.

[Lynda] How much are they?

[Agent] The Sentinel's $59,900

and the Landlord's $44,000.

- We'll take the Landlord.

- Wait a minute, honey.

I won the goddamn money

and we'll take the goddamn Landlord.

So, it's the Landlord?

Utilities, $62. Food, $210.

Entertainment $35, no $45.

Doctor bill, $60.

- If we're very, very careful...

- Do I get the piano lessons?

- I think so.

- Great.

What about the girl scout uniform?

- It'll have to wait till next month.

- Oh, crap, Mom.

Watch your mouth, Darcy.

[Novelty car horn]

Is that Daddy?

- It is Daddy.

- Melvin, Melvin, Melvin...

[Darcy] Wow!

All right!

- Well, what do you think?

- Take it back.

We'll lose our down payment.

Darcy Lee Dummar, get off that ship!

- It's beautiful, huh.

- Take it back, Melvin.

Darcy Lee, get away from that car!

It's got a twilight sentinel,

lights go on if you go into a tunnel.

It's got an eight-track tape-player...

Santa Monica coastguard,

request weather information.

[Faint voice on radio]

This is Santana calling

the Santa Monica Coastguard. Come in.

Come in, Santa Monica Coastguard.

[Car horn toots]

What are you doing?

- I'm leaving you, Melvin.

- I won't ask you back.

I'm never coming back.

I'm never coming back.

And remember, half that house is mine.

- If you leave, you won't get anything.

- Melvin, you're a loser!

- Don't call me that!

- What do you call it?

First time we got a prayer

of getting ahead,

you buy a big fancy boat

and a big fancy car.

That stuff is an investment,

I told you that.

- An investment?!

- Yeah.

OK, come here.

Listen, I want to tell you something.

Now, see that car?

That's notjust a car, you know.

That's our car.

I used to see cars like that

on the highway from Vegas to Reno

all the time

when I was working with my Dad.

They went so fast,

you could hardly even see 'em.

I used to want one.

Now I got one, understand?

- We are poor, Melvin. We're poor.

- We're not poor.

Broke maybe, we're not poor.

We won the Golden Gate.

I won the Golden Gate.

Well...

Don't go, I don't want you to go.

- C'est la vie, Melvin.

- What's that?

It's French. I used to dream

I'd be a French interpreter.

- You don't speak French.

- I told you, it was a dream.

- Will I see you again?

- Of course you will.

I love you, Dad.

[Darcy] Bye, Dad!

[Radio]

Santa Monica Coastguard to Santana.

Calling Santana.

Responding to a request

for weather conditions for Southern...

- Is that you, Melvin?

- Yes, Ma'am.

- I thought it was you.

- Hi-line two quarts, cottage cheese

- Ten pound box of laundry compound.

- Sounds right.

- Wouldn't you like a cup of coffee?

- I got a whole route ahead of me.

It's cold out, Melvin. Come on.

Don't you want some coffee?

Wait.

- A nice hot cup of coffee.

- Well...

Oh, why not?

- Excuse me, Mrs Worth...

- Oh, Melva.

Melva-Melvin, get it?

Yes, Ma'am.

Melvin! Melvin!

Don't forget tomorrow. A quart of

low-fat and a pound of nippy cheddar.

You had a $1,500 note, I got it here.

You got $1,000...

Not now, please!

What you doing, milking that thing?

You got the $1,000

you still owe on the truck.

I got $250 dollars on your uniform,

which I'll deduct next week.

[PA] George, line 12.

That's real cute. Merry Christmas.

$90 a week interest?

How am I supposed to catch up?

I won't do this. I can't.

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