Men in Black 3 Page #5

Hey, look, man, you can put

your Jedi Knight on me all you want.

That's all I got.

[STARTS ENGINE]

That spark something?

Roman had this on his person

when he was murdered.

J:

It's a matchbook.

No, it's a clue.

He didn't smoke.

[ROY ROGERS' "I'M AN OLD

COWHAND" PLAYING ON RADIO]

# Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay #

# Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay #

# I'm an old cowhand #

# From the Rio Grande #

# And I sing this song

In the cowboy band #

# I know all the songs

That the cowboys know about #

You lose something over here,

Hondo?

No. Uh...

Hey, man, how old are you?

# Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay

He's an old cowhand # #

Twenty-nine.

Oof. You got some city miles

on you.

I'm starting to understand

why we don't talk.

- How well do you know this place?

- I know its reputation.

I don't like it. I hate going in blind.

I'm gonna need my gun.

Sure thing, slick.

Whoa, K! Wait, no,

I gotta go in with you!

You sit tight. I'll be fine.

Wait, no! No!

K!

K, don't go in by yourself!

Hi, fellas.

Need to see the boss.

He's busy.

Hm.

Well, I'm gonna just

take a look around.

Looks like we have ourselves

a standoff.

Looks that way.

[GRUNTS]

- Still keep the key under the ashtray.

- Lucky guess.

Now, where were we?

I was about to tell you

to screw off.

Hey, slick,

you bowl in the future?

MiB league champ,

three years running.

Well, let's see it.

Unh! You did not walk into my

establishment

and rip my head off!

My man, we don't have a lot of time.

You really need to tell him something.

I'll tell him this!

All right, your head.

MAN:
Wait. Hey, if you do

this, I am gonna hunt you down

and make sure you

walk funny for the rest

of your miserable last days

on Earth! Unh!

- Tough spare, slick.

- God!

MAN:

You messed with the wrong head!

- His head's a little...

K:
You gonna tell us

where Dom is?

MAN:
I'll kill you both.

I'll kill both of youse!

- Ooh!

- Ow!

Your hook's a little off.

Want me to clean her?

- Sure thing.

MAN:
No, no, no.

Come on, I just cleaned

the bathroom with this thing!

No cleaning! No cleaning!

Okay! Okay, all right!

All right, he's in the back.

But he's not gonna talk

to Men in Black scum like you.

Now give me back my head.

K, I call this one

"Low Hanging Fruit."

MAN:

That ain't a finger hole,

you sick bastard! Ow!

I'll pop your head off

and see how you like it.

[GROANS]

Ooh!

MAN:
I'm gonna kill both of you!

I'm gonna kill the both of youse!

I'll kill you both!

- Well, we're on the right track.

- Just the wrong train.

K:

If he had any secrets,

I'm guessing he spilled them.

A smart man figures out

what victims have in common.

A smart man would.

That's a big-ass phone.

- Don't put that up to your head.

- Agent O.

How's your day been, Agent K?

Oh, fair to middling.

How are things going?

O:

Very good, thank you.

Hey, you saw her

like an hour ago.

I need cleanup and containment

at Cosmic Lanes.

Listen, I got a dead Parlaxian.

Now Roman was a Byvoid,

correct me if I'm wrong,

...from the same planetary grouping?

- A system in the Triangulum Galaxy

wiped out by Boglodites.

Wasn't the third planet...?

- K & J:
Glamouria?

- Glamouria.

Thank you, Miss O.

I know where Boris

is headed to next.

You were close, slick.

It's not a factory, it's the Factory.

Look, if Boris turns out

to be here, I'm gonna kill him.

- I need my gun.

- No deal.

I've been an agent

for 14 years.

Which means I'm the senior agent

on this case. Now, I hate to pull rank,

but I am instructing

my junior agent,

that's you, to give me my gun

right now. That's an order.

No, no, no, space gun.

You're welcome.

I didn't say thank you.

[STATUS QUO'S "PICTURES OF

MATCHSTICK MEN" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

For such an ungainly species,

they've thrived on Earth.

I was an agent

for three years

before I realized

all models were aliens.

Found out the hard way.

Password?

Hey, look, funky '60s dude,

we don't have a lot of time.

Janis Joplin.

# When I look up to the sky #

# I see your eyes #

# A funny kind of yellow #

Is there anybody here

who's not an alien?

# I rush home to bed

I soak my head #

Very nice.

Blink. That's good.

Look in the camera.

Is that Andy Warhol?

Yep.

Excuse me, Mr. Warhol,

could we have a minute?

Now is not a good time.

This is a be-in.

K:

Just a few

questions.

No questions. No answers.

Just being.

We have an urgent matter

to discuss with you

regarding one

of your party guests.

Why don't you come back

next week, after the happening

has happened.

Sorry, Mr. Warhol. You like

talking slow. We got stuff to do.

I've got a planet to save.

WARHOL:

You're distressing. Everything

about you upsets me.

Unh! Unh!

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Damn it, K!

Are you trying to blow my cover?

Agent W, your cover is safe.

Whoa, Andy Warhol is one of us?

WARHOL:

Safe?

You out of your mind?

I'm so out of ideas

I'm painting cans

and bananas for chrissakes.

Actually, Mr. Warhol, I gotta

tell you, I love your work.

Oh. Oh, thank you.

Who's the dumb-ass?

Whoa. Hey. How about a little

professional courtesy here?

- What, dumb-ass?

- Say it again.

- Want me to?

- I dare you.

Dumb-ass.

- Agents.

- I have no problem

pimp-slapping the shiznit

out of Andy Warhol.

What?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Why are you looking at me?

Oh, all right. You know what?

Agent K,

you see what information

you can get from Agent W

and I'll go case the perimeter.

- That work for everybody?

- Go do that.

- How about that?

- Oh, cute.

- Okay.

- Very nice.

Someone forget his nap? Huh?

# Mirages of matchstick men and you #

# All I ever see is them #

[IN DEEP VOICE]

Hey, how you doing?

Chilling.

# You're with this guy

You make men cry, you lie # #

WARHOL:

Who's that guy?

Don't tell me he's your new partner.

Actually, he's my old partner.

He traveled back from the future...

Stop, don't tell me.

I don't want to know.

WOMAN:

Andy, Yoko's here.

Yoko's here. Uh... Ahem.

[IN SLOW DRAWL] Tell her that I'm

filming this man eating a hamburger. Um...

It's transcendent.

Uh, all right, now the pickle.

[OVER SPEAKERS]

# I'm waiting for my man #

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

What are you doing on my turf?

Tracking a killer. Boglodite.

We believe he's gonna

hit here next, a Glamourian.

Glamourian?

Right solar system, wrong planet.

He's gotta be after the Archanan.

Archanans are extinct.

Apparently not.

One washed ashore last week.

The whole Roswell circuit's

all abuzz about it.

Alien unicorn. Last of its species.

- Mm.

- His name's Griffin.

WARHOL:

Griffin the Archanan.

# I'm waiting for my man # #

How's it going?

Going? How's it going? That depends.

For me, personally, things are good.

Unless we're in the future

where the muscle boy argues

with his girlfriend.

She storms off and bumps the guy

with the stuffed mushrooms,

who dumps the tray

on the sailors on leave.

A shoving match breaks out.

They crash into the table. In

which case, I gotta move my plate.

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