Men in Black 3 Page #6

Or it's the future where the

pastrami sandwich I'm eating

causes me gastric distress.

Thankfully, your friend offers

the antacids he carries

in his right pocket, so good.

I'll be good.

Except in the future where

I have to leave in two minutes

before he has a chance

to offer me the antacids,

so on the whole, I'd have to say

not good. I am not good.

But that depends.

K!

How will we find this guy?

What am I, a schmuck?

He's here?

"Here" is a relative term.

He's a fifth dimensional being.

They can live in and visualize

an infinite set

of time-space probabilities

simultaneously.

Sounds like fun. Good work.

Whoa, whoa. K, K, K.

You gotta fake my death, okay?

I can't listen to sitar music anymore.

All right, I'll see what I can do.

I'll talk to X.

K, I can't tell

the women from the men.

May I see your watch?

Oh, it is 7:
18.

No, no, your other watch,

the one your father gave you.

How do you know

about my father's watch?

[OVER SPEAKERS]

# Strange brew # #

Oh, dear.

This is the one

where Roman is dead

and the gentleman at the

bowling alley. So much death.

Such an infinitesimally

small chance for success.

K!

Griffin, right?

We're here...

Because of Boris.

We think he's coming...

To kill me.

He'll be here in minutes

unless we're in

the future

where he made the lights

and is about

to shoot from the door,

in which case we're all dead.

Ah, good,

that was a close one.

K, I need a space gun.

GRIFFIN:

The Boglodites

consume any planet

in their path.

Mine, Roman's, the Parlaxians'.

I tried to stop them, but if we stop

them here, if we deny them Earth,

we can stop them.

They'll starve before

they reach the next planet.

[STOMACH GROWLING]

Pfft. Sixty-three seconds.

How do we do that?

Stop them?

What? Oh!

Sorry. I have something for you.

A gift. It can protect you.

I had to hide it from Boris,

but if you find me again,

I'll give it to you.

Thank you. What a game!

Amazing! It's a real miracle!

Whoa. What do you mean?

What miracle?

Thirty seconds. I have to go.

No, we got you.

Negative possibilities are

multiplying as we speak.

- Okay.

- Twenty seconds.

All right.

We got it, relax.

If your watch is broken

and I have gastric...

MAN:

Fly! Find your place in the world!

GRIFFIN:

Oh, dear.

Boris is coming through that door

in 12,

11, 10...

Wait!

Did you have chocolate milk?

What...? Yes.

GRIFFIN:

Cindy.

[GRUNTS]

J:

K!

- Griffin!

- Got him.

[ALL CLAMORING]

[GUNSHOT]

[BORIS LAUGHING]

Damn it!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

Ouch!

I'm good, I'm good.

What you got?

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Damn it! We had him!

Relax, Cochise. We'll find him.

First of all, my name is J, okay?

It's not "son," it's not "slick"

and it damn sure ain't no "Cochise."

I'm not gonna relax because

we're running out of time

and there's an invasion coming.

You're not really recognizing

my voicial intensity.

Oh, but there was one guy

who could help.

Hey, Griffin! Griffin! Where's Griffin?

Griffin. Where's Griffin at, K?

He's gone. If Boris gets to him

before we do, that's no bueno.

We need pie.

- What?

- My granddaddy always said:

"If you got a problem

you can't solve,

it helps to get out of

your head." Pie. It's good.

- Pie?

- Yeah.

Your granddaddy, heavyset man?

- A little bit.

- Yeah, you know what?

We've been doing smart stuff.

We've been following clues,

doing police work.

It might be time

we do something stupid.

Something that ain't got

nothing to do with nothing.

Now, I want some pie, K.

I want some pie.

Let's go get dumb-ass pie.

Sounds good.

[CHAD & JEREMY'S "A SUMMER

SONG" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[SIGHS]

# Sweet, sleepy warmth

Of summer nights #

[SIGHS]

Uh-uh.

Mm.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mm.

# They say that all good things

Must end someday # #

Hmm...

Have any specials?

He'll have what he always has after

he reads the menu for 10 minutes

and asks about specials.

A slice of apple pie

with a nasty piece of cheddar.

I'll have the strawberry-rhubarb.

It's my last meal,

I'm gonna splurge.

World-class serial killer out there

and we're having pie.

What do you do

in your spare time, stretch?

Oh!

See, I sense you're not embracing

the concept here.

Pie don't work unless you let it.

I'm gonna let it.

And you say we don't talk?

You go ahead. Ask me any question.

Anything you want.

As long as it doesn't have to do

with the case. Just let her rip.

What's up with you and O?

Me and O?

Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah, you and O.

All right, all right.

All right, this is it.

A while back, I was assigned

to keep tabs on a musician.

Mick Jagger?

He's in this British band,

the Rolling Stones.

Rings a bell.

We believed he was on the planet

to breed with Earth women.

So I was in London

and that's when I met O.

Just smart. Funny. A great smile.

And we find ourselves in this pub,

which is a bar, all right?

Warm beer and

the worst food you ever ate.

We just played darts

till the sun came up.

Neither of us wanted to leave.

What the hell happened

to you, man?

I don't know.

It hasn't happened yet.

Come on, what about you, slick?

In the future, you got yourself a girl?

I got you.

MAN 1:
I cannot believe

this, freaking New York Mets.

MAN 2:

Total losers!

It's a rough time

to be a Mets fan.

Tell me about it.

Never gonna catch the Cubs.

That's funny. The Mets

actually win it all this year.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm serious.

Oh, I'm sure.

Look, three months from now,

your buddies down there

are gonna be calling them

the Amazing Mets

and the Miracle Mets.

What?

What you got there, hoss?

The Archanan said, "It's amazing!

It's a miracle! I'll see you at the game."

I know where he is.

Told you to trust the pie.

K:
If Griffin's here for a game,

he's either too early or too late.

J:
He's here. We just gotta

find him before Boris does.

It's time to give you

your things back,

partner.

You get some pie in you,

you get all mushy.

I'm just tired

of carrying your stuff.

GRIFFIN:
Boo! Ah, come on

now! All right! Let's go,

Mets!

Let's go, Mets! Let's go,

- Mets! Let's go, Met...

- Griffin?

Oh!

You're just in time!

Unless this is the one where Robinson

bad-hops it past third, it's almost over.

Whoo!

Are we missing

something?

The game.

[CROWD CHEERING]

J:

Whoa.

[ORGAN PLAYING OVER PA]

So this is how you see things?

This is amazing.

It's a gigantic pain in the ass.

But it has its moments.

This game doesn't happen

till October.

It's always October

and November and March.

So many futures, and all real.

Don't know which will coalesce.

Until then, they're all happening.

Like this one, it's my favorite moment

in human history.

All the things that had to converge

for the Mets to win the World Series.

They were in last place every single

season until they won it all.

You said you had a gift.

That baseball,

thrown for the last out of game five,

manufactured in '62 by Spalding

of Chicopee, Massachusetts,

was aerodynamically flawed

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