Men in Black Page #17

BEATRICE:

Are you here to make fun of me too?

KAY:

No ma'am. We at the FBI don't have a

sense of humor that we're aware of.

Mind if we come in?

BEATRICE:

Sure. Lemonade?

CUT TO:

INT. FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

In the living room, KAY sips some of her lemonade and winces.

JAY moves through the room, checking it out as BEATRICE tells

her story.

BEATRICE:

And they said to me, "If he was

murdered, how could he walk back in

the house?" And I must admit, I was

a little stumped by that one. But I

know Edgar. And that wasn't him. It

was more like something else that

was wearing him. Like a suit. An

Edgar suit.

A little GIGGLE escapes her at the thought. Jay, over by a

bookcase, notices a framed PHOTO OF EDGAR, kneeling in the

woods, proudly about to skin a deer.

JAY:

Damn. If he was this ugly before he

was an alien...

BEATRICE:

Sorry?

KAY:

Go on.

BEATRICE:

Anyway, when I came to, he was gone.

KAY:

Did he say anything?

BEATRICE:

Yes! He asked for water. Sugar water,

if I remember.

KAY:

Sugar water.

JAY:

Did you taste her lemonade?

Kay nods, puts on his sunglasses. Takes out another pair,

hands them to Jay.

Kay draws his neuralyzer. FLASH! Beatrice freezes, staring

straight ahead as if hypnotized. Kay takes Jay's glasses off

and hands them back to him.

KAY:

Ray Bans.

(pulling off Jay's

sunglasses)

Okay, Beatrice. There was no alien,

and the flash of light you saw in

the sky wasn't a UFO. Swamp gas from

a weather balloon was trapped in a

thermal pocket and refracted the

light from Venus --

JAY:

Whoa! That thing erases her memory,

and you give her a new one?

KAY:

Standard issue neuralyzer.

JAY:

And that's the best you can come up

with?

KAY:

On a more personal note, Beatrice,

Edgar ran off with on old girlfriend.

Go stay at your mother's for a few

days and get over it. Decide you're

better off.

JAY:

(butting in)

Yeah, and you're better off 'cause

he never appreciated you anyway. In

fact, you kicked him out, and now

that he's gone, you ought to buy

some new clothes, maybe hire a

decorator or something...

CUT TO:

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

KAY is in the hole where the ship landed, investigating. He

holds a pocket spectral analyzer over a section of scorched

earth. The analyzer shifts colors. Red. Then Yellow.

JAY:

(from up outside the

hole)

Hey. Kay... when am I gonna get one

of those memory things?

The spectral analyzer turns blue.

KAY:

When you're ready.

(re:
analyzer)

Please -- not green.

Purple. And then green.

Kay closes his eyes and sits back, leaning against the dirt.

Above him, JAY leans over, staring down. Kay looks up at

him.

KAY:

Do you know what alien life form

leaves a green spectral trail?

JAY:

Wait -- don't tell me -- that was

the question on Final Jeopardy last

night.

AT THE CAR, Kay snatches up the radio handset and keys the

microphone.

KAY:

(softly, into mic)

Zed, we have a bug.

He turns off the radio and sighs. Jay stands next to him.

JAY:

I'm gonna jump way past you and just

guess that this is bad. Right?

KAY:

Bugs thrive on carnage, Tiger. They

consume, infest and destroy. They

live off the death and decay of other

species.

JAY:

So basically you have a racial problem

with all insect-based life forms?

KAY:

Listen, kid -- imagine a giant

cockroach five times smarter than

Albert Einstein, four times stronger

than an ox, nine times meaner than

hell, strutting his stuff around

Manhattan Island in his brand new

Edgar suit. Does that sound like

fun?

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